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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 20:34

And as pp said wrote a lengthy update.

I'm just old and slow with a toddler that hides my shoes. I need a vino just reading it!

Ohb0llocks · 21/08/2016 20:35

Heavens to betsy what a fiasco. I'd be turning my phone off and burying my head in some gin if I was you.

acatcalledjohn · 21/08/2016 20:35

What is it with MN and a total inability of people to just report suspicious threads? Fuck off if you don't believe it. Even if it is a troll it can be discourage others who need support from posting.

There's a nice shiny report button. Fucking use it. Quietly.

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 21/08/2016 20:35

Hi chaps,

Thanks to everyone who reported this thread to us, we'll take a look at it now. Can we just remind everyone of our rules about troll hunting please?

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 20:36

He's rung my DH to ask why I got involved and ruined his life Hmm

OP posts:
BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 21/08/2016 20:36

Oh god. What a mess. Your poor friend and cousin.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 21/08/2016 20:36

Well done on being sharp eyed enough to find that "flung' ring! Bloody hell - that could have gone anywhere.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 21/08/2016 20:36

You did the right thing - no one would choose or want to be in that situation. Pour the wine, put a film on for some escapism and try not to let it takeover your evening

acatcalledjohn · 21/08/2016 20:36

I'm hoping your DH told him the truth?

Doggity · 21/08/2016 20:36

You're clearly enjoying the drama. First, you jump on the phone to cousin's mum. Then you visit the friend, drop a bombshell and fuck off to post online. Some friend you are. Hmm

BeyondLovesSweetDee · 21/08/2016 20:36

Yeah you ruined his life Hmm Arse.

LineyReborn · 21/08/2016 20:37

What did your DH Say?

Advicepls7080 · 21/08/2016 20:37

This is the most fast paced thread I've ever seen on here of live real life events I can't keep up! Op you're speedy Gonzales of bad news

MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 20:37

He ruined his own life, you know DH is already on your side and anyone with any basic moral code can see that too

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 21/08/2016 20:38

Think the ring is the least of the friend's problems right now - op can give it back to her at anytime

SillyMoomin · 21/08/2016 20:40

Maybe the op posted whilst walking home?

But I would have thought you'd be there more than 20 mins too... (+5 mins each way for walking there and backZzz)

YouTheCat · 21/08/2016 20:40

He's a twat.

TheCrumpettyTree · 21/08/2016 20:43

I think he ruined his own life.

SarahM24 · 21/08/2016 20:43

You ruined his life! HA i hope your oh told him exactly what he thinks of him. Total knob. He ruined his life and fucked over your friend and your cousin he can jog on and start saving for child maintencance payments.

Your poor friend though booking things for her wedding and now another girl will be having his baby (if she feels she wants to of course)
Your cousin has hopefully learnt a serious lesson- never trust a cheat.

Your friend has every right to be incondescent with both of them.

Fashionablychallenged · 21/08/2016 20:44

I've had two friends who went through this. Since I was the gbf (honorary gay best friend to both) I got in trouble with both for not telling either. I recommend you tell them both.

With your cousin you need to be clear cut and tell her that he has lied to her completely. She might not want a baby with such a dickwad for a dad. That's a relationship for a minimum of 18 years.

Tell your friend about her bf in a tactical way. For example explain your cousins situation without mentioning the identity of the bf. Once your friend agrees what an arsehole the guy is you can say this to your friend: isn't it crazy how one arse hole can do this to two women...? My cousin was told by him that his gf is suicidal and crazy.... You're not suicidal and crazy are you?

Friend says what?
You say: It's your boyfriend... I wanted to explain the situation to your calmly with the facts because I know the truth is going to break your heart. I hope you know I'm there as support to you anytime you need it.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 21/08/2016 20:45

I hope your DH put him straight.

Batteriesallgone · 21/08/2016 20:45

I agree that for you to find the ring it wasn't a great 'fling' which smacks to me of 'I'm being dramatic but I also want to go out and get it back later'. You did say she was a drama queen. So make sure she knows you have it. Agree that you should keep a low profile and send one follow up text re have the ring, here if you need to talk and then leave it

InvolvetheChicken · 21/08/2016 20:46

Not sure if this thread will be around for long but in terms of coincidences when I started at my current job my cousins boyfriend of 5 years coincidentally worked there, I didn't know he left pretty sharpish.

I later found out that my cousins boyfriend was sleeping with someone from work who had become my friend. I had to tell them both, it took a lot less than 20 minutes.

Arfarfanarf · 21/08/2016 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 20:47

I actually feel so upset and it's making me feel worse that people think I'm lying. I came online to post about it because all of my friends are her friends, I can't tell any of them before her so this was my only outlet, I post often and it's never anything crazy like this is a regular occurance for me.

He tried to tell my DH that my cousin was lying and delusional, they had one kiss and that was it then she started threatening to hurt herself and he was dealing with it.
I haven't heard anything from my cousin or her mum but I don't expect to till atleast tomorrow as i can imagine this has been an emotional evening for them.

OP posts: