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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You couldn't write this sh*t!!!!!

354 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 18:36

I literally can not believe what has just happened to me, I am fuming, in shock and shaking...

I have a very good friend, part of the same friendship group wouldn't say she is my bestest friend but always been a good one. I was out for dinner with our group a few nights ago and she was talking about how she is convinced her fiancé is having an affair. We all told her we didn't think he was because tbh he's fantastic and quite obviously loves her and she's just paranoid (always been a bit of a drama queen)...

Now rewind to around a month ago I was at a family function and my younger cousin was there (18) who I'm not exactly close to but we do get on very well. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend I ask why he isn't there, she confides in me that he has a serious girlfriend but that she is depressed and suicidal and he can't leave her Hmm I expressed that it was wrong even if that was his situation because he should be focussing on trying to end it gently, not doing the thing that could push this poor girl over the edge...

So surprise surprise you all know where this is going... I am out today, cousin calls me, can i come over, I can hear she's in tears. Turns out she's pregnant, she wants the baby, the prick is pressuring her to abort. I start trying to talk to her about her options etc etc. Her phones ringing like MAD and she tells me it's him and she's ignoring she thought he loved her etc then she gets a text and she tells me he's outside and wants her to come down and talk to him, I look outside and who is it?! YOU GUESSED IT!!!!

My friend is definitely not depressed or suicidal he is just a complete and utter wanker and I am furious. She went with him and i didn't tell her because i don't know what to do. I don't like to get involved in things like this normally but AIBU I'm already involved aren't I?? Fuck sake!!!!

OP posts:
bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 21/08/2016 20:19

I think you did the right thing telling your friend. If my DH/DP was having an affair I would go mental if my friend knew about it and didn't tell me. Friends should never keep secrets from each other when the secret involves them; no matter how awful it may be. I wouldn't want to spend any more time with a man who has betrayed me.

I am glad it worked out okay when you told your cousin's mum but agree with the poster who said that she was 18 and an adult and despite her 'naivety' I would have told her first. If my elder cousin did this to me (me being the cousin) I would have felt that 'she' would have little respect for me and my situation by 'telling on me'. But anyways, it worked out okay.

On the whole, I would now stay out of it. Be there for them both if they call on you but don't do any meddling.

Sad situation for the friend and your cousin but your cousin has knowingly assisted in a betrayal of trust and been implicit in the breakdown of a relationship.

PovertyPain · 21/08/2016 20:20

Gosh, I'm glad I'm not the only one astonished by the speedy turn of events. Smile

Arfarfanarf · 21/08/2016 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 20:21

Lol, Jiminy Wink

Staying with it... Trying to at least

LabRats · 21/08/2016 20:21

Are your Sunday evenings always so eventful, OP??! This truly is a busy and stressful time for you.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 20:22

It would have taken me 20 minutes to find both my shoes

ShebaShimmyShake · 21/08/2016 20:22

You've done the right thing, OP. I don't envy you but you're a good person. And yes, you're right to get the ring. You can do whatever your friend wants you to do with it when she's collected herself a bit.

LabRats · 21/08/2016 20:23

I just spent a good 15 minutes deciding whether to have another cup of tea.

Bogeyface · 21/08/2016 20:24

I assume the troll hunters....sorry....people expressing surprise at the speed of events have reported the thread?

Rubies12345 · 21/08/2016 20:24

Hope your cousin is home safe with her Mum. In case he goes round there kicking off

SouthWestmom · 21/08/2016 20:25

At 19.42 you were on your way round there and at 8.12 you've posted an update? This just sounds like you are involving yourself for the drama - who would really whizz in, spill the beans, find a ring outside and post back if they really were bothered about their friend?
Sorry if I've got the timing wrong but you just sound a bit of a busybody at the moment.

littlemissneela · 21/08/2016 20:26

Oh my! I don't envy you in your shoes, but you have done the right thing. It would have been far worse had you not said anything and it came out that you knew.
I would text my friend a bit later, to check she is ok, to tell her you are available if she wants to talk, and to let her know you picked up her ring, just in case she is out there trying to find it.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 21/08/2016 20:26

Thank you to everyone that's been supportive, for people who are now trying to make out that I am lying and having a Ligh at it, I've looked back and actually I was half an hour; she lives a few roads away from me and i was keen to not hang around. I'm glad that this has given you a laugh and pleasure; one of my good friends has just had her world torn apart and my cousin in a very bad situation. Please stop unless you have something nice to say

OP posts:
tofutti · 21/08/2016 20:26

Is 'good luck' the new placeholder?

LabRats · 21/08/2016 20:26

bogey Absolutely.

Jizzomelette · 21/08/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeyandfizz · 21/08/2016 20:29

Try Jeremy Kyle?

myshinynewusername · 21/08/2016 20:30

What a shit he is.

bleedingnora · 21/08/2016 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bleedingnora · 21/08/2016 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Memoires · 21/08/2016 20:32

Poor poor things. Awful for you too. I hope that, when your friend calms a little, she will see that this is not your cousin's fault, but entirely her vile ex's responsibility.

I think you did the right thing vis a vis the ring.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/08/2016 20:33

I just think it was all super quick but doesn't mean it didn't happen. I always give the benefit of the doubt.

To go there, tell her, call the man, re explain the cousin knew there was another woman, dad comes up and finding the ring in less than 30 mins all seems very speedy.

PolterGoose · 21/08/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maudlinmaud · 21/08/2016 20:33

I assume the op talks like the man from the matchbox toy advert.

Gazelda · 21/08/2016 20:33

I think you should drop the ring back to her home ASAP. You're already tangled in a while big mess, by having the ring you are continuing as a central figure in the drama.

Just knock and give it to whoever answers the door, don't try to speak with your friend at the moment.

At some point I think she's going to focus her anger on you. Just send her a text in the morning saying that you're sorry you had to be the one to bring her bad news, and to call you if she needs a friend. I'd be keeping a very low profile with all sides for a while, it's a shame you've found yourself in the middle of this.