To be upset about this?

[whatmoredoyouwantfromme]

I didn't finish my university finals the year I was meant to, but completed them the year after and got a 2.1. (I returned home that year.) I'm now starting a competitive job.

I'm quite sensitive about all of this and my mum in particular took it really badly, saw me as lazy and I think thought I wouldn't see it through. She is an anxious person and supported me throughout though. All about tough love

Fast-forward to now, I have just graduated and about to start job. I have been loafing about the house on my last few weeks of freedom. I am about to start work and as mentioned will be working in a very tough corporate environment - my mum just said "if you foul up next time don't bother coming home".

Aibu to be pretty fucking upset

That was a very nasty thing for her to say

Congratulations on your 2.1

How long till you can afford to move out?

Not nice but I'd probably cut her some slack as you said ahe is the anxious type.

Have you been doing household chores as well as loafing?

Congratulations on your degree. Once you have it and have your first job it won't matter at all how long it took you to get it.

You need to put some distance between you and your mum, don't you? Is the job in your hometown? How long do you think you will have to wait before getting a flat?

You need to move out of home. Be independent. Well done fir getting a 2.1 and for getting a great job.
If you can't move out, make sure you pay your mum rent, so she cant moan at you.

I'm moving out in two days

Thanks everyone.

I am prob a bit u too as she is tidying the house ready for a friend of mine coming over. I have been helping with this. She was angry at me because I left some washing up in the sink and didn't do it to her timetable So I think that was what prompted the comment.

her time table ? oh, dear... best move in with us, we wash up when we run out of clean stuff

I know it's her house but she's a bit of a control freak about stuff like this. And can be very hurtful with her comments!

I have an anxious mother, and she can come up with some very offensive stuff along the same lines. I don't think it's an excuse, but knowing that usually allows me to take a deep breath and move on rather than engage.

But, er, yes, start saving for a deposit if you can.

Hmm, that sounds a bit like she had to ask you more than once. I bet she'd see it differently.

Congratulations and wow, what a horrible thing to say. My DCs would be welcome home at any time for any reason at all. In fact I would LOVE it!

Gleam do you think the comment is justified though? In my mind they are two separate issues. She is pretty hard work, very very anxious and gets angry at the drop of a hat. which made for a fun, balanced childhood

And if it's your friend coming over, why weren't you doing the majority of the tidying up?

I would tell her (calmly, when you've had a chance to cool down) that her words have hurt you and are uncalled for.

Well done on the excellent degree (I dropped out then later returned to uni and within a few months of working it was all dim and distant and made no odds whatsoever).

Wishing you success in your new career!

I think your mums version of this would be very different.

Gleam - because a lot of it involves tidying clutter and she is very particular about where she wants things. I have done various jobs - cleaned the bathroom, washed the windows, obviously will do my bedroom... Are you always this lovely?

The comment itself is unjustified and rather cruel on the face of it. It was hardly a foul up. You got a good degree, be proud of that. I'd only let it slide because of her anxiety.

Equally, I would say its her anxiety behind the tidying up. And, perhaps, the fact that you're 'helping' rather than leading?

Philipp - it isn't, why, what do you think it would be

So by your own admission you have been "loafing about the house"? Does this include doing regular cleaning and chores etc? Or do you get waited on hand and foot?

Yes, I am rather lovely. I make my uni student do chores at the same time as doing placements , that I'm driving 70 odd miles a day to.

Gleam - thanks, that's kind of you Fair enough, you're right. I haven't been hugely pulling my weight with the clean up but mainly it's because I find it very difficult to face her when she is anxious/stressed and barking orders at me!

The thing is that when you left home to go to university, your mum would've got used to having her home how she wanted it. It's really tough when adult children move back in, because obviously it's their home, but you are both used to living separately. Things might calm down for your mum once you're living away from home.

Gleam - cross-posted, sorry!

Soozey - well I generally make my own food and do offer to cook for others. I clean up after myself in the kitchen. I would do my own washing but my mother (genuinely) doesn't like me ruining her system so just does it with the rest of the stuff.