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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it is ok to turn up to a church service half an hour late?

138 replies

NoahVale · 21/08/2016 09:27

i have to take both dds at the same time in different directions.
one is a church service, to do with the NCS she has just done.

church service will surely be all accepting?

OP posts:
Anonforonce · 21/08/2016 13:04

I'm a vicar. In my church and all others I've been in you'd be very welcome to come to as much of the service as you were able or wanted to. It's polite to try to slip in/out quietly if you need to be late or leave early, that's all.

There are churches I know in London that always start at least 15 minutes after the advertised start time because they have a hefty West African contingent and that's what they're used to. There are also plenty of churches, including mine, that have the notices at the end because that's when the congregation have all got there! We normally have a steady stream coming in for at least the first half hour.

I've also never been in a CofE church where the main services were only 45 minutes long - it's more like and hour to an hour and a half for a main Parish Communion or similar.

The only rule I know, which I never enforced or seen anyone else trying to enforce, is that you shouldn't receive Communion if you weren't there to hear the Gospel reading (which takes place about 15 or 20 minutes in to an average Communion service). Even if you know and care about this though, you'd still be very welcome to come up and receive a blessing.

Puremince · 21/08/2016 13:25

At my church there would be no problem about slipping in late and sitting at the back. However, if the NCS means that your dd is part of something which requires her to be at the front, then that would be more disruptive.

paxillin · 21/08/2016 13:33

Surely it's xian not xtian?

NewNameFriday · 21/08/2016 13:37

NCS is a national programme for 16-18 year olds and it is fab. You do volunteering as part of it.

Goodness, I thought the dd in question must be in something like Brownies. If she's 16-18 she should get herself there, and on time. Relying on lifts and turning up late for something that's supposed to promote good citizenship is surely missing the point. Working dd should be responsible for getting herself to work, too.

(Realise it's all over and done now anyway.)

Scaredycat3000 · 21/08/2016 13:52

xtian

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 21/08/2016 13:53

If Xian is the non religious form of Christian (like Xmas means someone celebrates Christmas but not in a religious way) then I'm completely and utterly bewildered and confused what their stance is. I understand 'cultural' holidays of all religions. Cultural church going just confuses me.

I don't mean to sound ignorant, just never heard of Xtain or the religion they follow before... feeling like a fuddy duddy Blush

If what the teenager is a part of isn't 'just' mass, showing up late is rude in all the obvious ways I'm sure OP doesn't need explaining to her, like 'so and so's time,' or ''you signed u for this, be responsible!' or whatever.

Taking her halfway through a ceremony (if we take religion out of it) because Heaven Forbid her older sister was gasp easrly for work is breathtakingly rude. The sort of thing other parents go ]hmm] at.

and I say that as someone so lapsed when with my parents I have to struggle not to be rude. But I'm not there to participate.

TBH OP, if your DD is supposed to be a part of the ceremony and you'd rather show up half an hour late, clearly disrupting (and yes, it's disruptive - I remember from my indoctrinated days or worse, possibly upsetting) others, then your children need some manners, ASAP.

If you've done the late thing, then be prepared to be an item of scorn and gossip. I hated my parents faith, but even naive me would have viewed that as very, very very rude.

If you're okay with being seeing that way that's obviously fine. But I would hate for my child to spoil someone else's event (EG if they were speaking when you walked in)

LockedOutOfMN · 21/08/2016 13:53

I think it's fine, OP.

ForalltheSaints · 21/08/2016 13:54

Very rude. Not half an hour late, but as a child I was an altar boy and the same families were late every week. This was for a service at half past ten, not eight o'clock.

tigermoll · 21/08/2016 13:57

The abbreviation Xtian is illogical -- in Xmas the X replaces 'Christ' including the T, so surely it should be Xian? Otherwise it actually says Christtian.

NickMarlow · 21/08/2016 13:57

Totally fine at my church. More of a pain if you're dropping children off in groups as they'll have missed all the settling in bits and arrive half way through something, but still not a major issue.

expatinscotland · 21/08/2016 14:01

Some churches close the doors once the service begins. Ours does. Not to keep people in or out but because most of the time, it's freezing cold and/or raining. I've been to some, too, where people walked in off the street and were drunk or otherwise inebriated and started kicking off, but I suppose that could happen any time.

P1nkP0ppy · 21/08/2016 14:01

Hardly worth going if you're half an hour late!
As for Xtian?! Wth is that supposed to be?

LadyPenelope68 · 21/08/2016 14:02

Disruptive to the service and very rude.

midcenturymodern · 21/08/2016 14:03

like Xmas means someone celebrates Christmas but not in a religious way

That's not what it means at all.

insancerre · 21/08/2016 14:04

Xmas is just an abbreviation
Same as isn't or can't

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 21/08/2016 14:08

Can you be more specific than just telling me my guess is wrong, mid?

JudyCoolibar · 21/08/2016 14:10

Why on earth is NCS having anything to do with a church service? I thought it was all about learning employment and independence skills? Surely it's open to non-Christians and atheists?

Scaredycat3000 · 21/08/2016 14:13

Special Try reading my link directly above yours. like Xmas means someone celebrates Christmas but not in a religious way No it doesn't, never has, this Xmas, you're not a fuddy duddy, these abbreviations have been in use for over a hundred years.
Tiger I don't make up the abbreviation hundreds of years ago, so I use the abbreviation in dictionaries and thesauruses.
Sorry using correct abbreviations causes the delicate flowers such offense and confusion.

midcenturymodern · 21/08/2016 14:13

X represents the greek letter chi. It was used to mean Christ in written texts, possibly to save parchment which was expensive. X is a common symbol for Jesus that is all over churches and religious texts. Some people prefer it because it is a link to ancient theologians. Medieval kings would sometimes sign documents with an X to show that they were God's representatives on earth. It isn't a secular symbol in this context.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 21/08/2016 14:15

Sorry Scardey, I didn't see the clicky! Blush

PuppyMonkey · 21/08/2016 14:19

I have found this thread very difficult to read because of the butch service thing - pmsl GrinGrin

Scaredycat3000 · 21/08/2016 14:24

That's alright Special, probably an x-post! At least you didn't insist Jesus was born on 25/12/0000 and xmas and easter is all xtian, now that would have been blush

Scaredycat3000 · 21/08/2016 14:26

or Blush even Blush Blush Grin

Ginkypig · 21/08/2016 14:31

So xtian and Christian are the same thing? X means Christ So x replaces christ?

I'm not being goady just being interested.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 21/08/2016 14:35

Another vicar here. In my last church we had people rocking up late most weeks. As long as you slide in quietly if it is a quiet bit then that is fine. My services are up to an hour and a quarter and if you came half an hour late you would miss the readings but hear the sermon. We give people the readings to follow in the pew sheet so it is still possible to follow what is going on.

I hope you complicated morning went as well as it could.