Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with teacher!

302 replies

Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:49

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/08/2016 08:08

I know Evil, I didn't even bother responding to that.

Agree with last two posts. Though to be fair, OP is one of the rare posters on AIBU who changed her opinion.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/08/2016 08:10

I was a shy child and all drama classes upset me. All of them.

But because I was introverted, I didn't actually shout out stuff... Confused Can't be both ways surely?

FeckinCrutches · 20/08/2016 08:15

Has something happened to him this week OP? I think his reaction to the situation is very over the top for what actually happened. Not being able to eat lunch, crying and inconsolable for the rest if the day seems very odd for a 10yo boy?

shiteattheseaside · 20/08/2016 08:15

I dont undestand why he said non are lesbians? The teacher should have just said shh dont be silly or something though, to send him out for that was ott. And the fact that the teacher basically asked you not to ask your child why he was upset after something the teacher had done....thats the bit thats really annoyed me

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/08/2016 08:18

I assumed they said not to mention it because he'd been so hysterical at school and it was over, they didn't want him working himself up again?

flumpybear · 20/08/2016 08:22

All else aside why the hell was a teacher scourging children to tell each other they love them?!thats a bit odd ?!

EvilTwins · 20/08/2016 08:25

flumpy It's a game. A well known and generally well liked one. as I've already said twice on this thread

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/08/2016 08:32

Evil and all the other teachers on here Flowers

I'll just point out that this was a lose-lose for the teacher. People are complaining it's too heteronormative. Other people would have complained that he was 'pushing an agenda' on their children if he hadn't made it boy-girl. But I suspect the most likely reason was to avoid 'you're gay na-na-na-na-na'

If OP says anything towards the school regarding homophobia, they'll merely point out her son's comment anyway.

But again, IMO the real concern is how upset he got. That would worry me very, very much as a parent. It was to the extent the Deputy Head had to call and explain why he was so hysterical! That's what I'd be very anxious about

Aspergallus · 20/08/2016 08:33

OP I think you've be flamed a bit here...

  1. saying "I love you" randomly to classmates was always risky, and perhaps provocative.

  2. ...as a result the teacher should have been prepared for some odd comments/reactions

  3. what did DS actually get sent out for, the content of the comment or for interrupting...

4)...kids gets most upset distraught when they don't understand why they've been disciplined and (see above) sounds like that's what's happened here

  1. if it was for homophobia, didn't the teacher kind of start it by saying it had to be said to the opposite sex?

To be honest, I wonder if the school contacted you because they know it could have been handled better. Guilty conscience and all that. But all I'd do now is have a chat with him about interrupting class and why his comment might have been felt to be inappropriate. Personally I'd also let him know I thought the teacher over-reacted a bit, but not in a "something must be done" way, more in a "that's life, even your teachers get it wrong sometimes" kind of way. Knowing that people in authority are not perfect, not always fair, is an important life lesson, is learned alongside the idea that sometimes you just have to accept and live with that.

Birthdaypartyangstiness · 20/08/2016 08:35

*If learned alongside

Ackvavit · 20/08/2016 08:41

"Advanced Vocabulary" has nothing to do with it. He disrupted the class. He was reprimanded and clearly isn't resilient enough to take it on the chin. I don't think the word lesbian is particularly advanced for a 10 yr old. It's a word to describe a homosexual female and most kids will understand the basics of same sex relationships from an early age and simply accept it.

All that aside the kids who shout and and disrupt lessons spoil it for the teacher and for others and sadly their parents tend to back them up. Sorry you felt it was wrong but if your DS came home and told you about his peers disrupting lessons by shouting out how would you feel?

thatsn0tmyname · 20/08/2016 08:42

Maybe the teacher is aware of a 'lesbian' issue amongst the other pupils, their parents or just wanted to shut down that line of conversation before the class got a bit silly and lost focus? The school simply rang you to put you in the picture as he over-reacted and they wouldn't be able to get hold of you before Monday.

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 20/08/2016 09:01

shiteat

The teacher should have just said shh dont be silly or something though, to send him out for that was ott.

OP's son: hahah none of us are lesbians

Teacher: Shhhh, don't be silly

Child 2: yeah, hahaha none of us are GAY

Child 3: oh my god did you hear what he said? Hahahhahaa lesbians hahhahahahhahahaa

Teacher: oh shhhhhhh please no silliness

Child 3: hahahhahaa this is BANTER

Teacher: sshhhhh come on everyone please

Child 2: I'm not silly, I've asked everyone and they're not gay just telling the truth

Teacher: shhhhh come on don't be silly

Child 4, 5,6 dissolving into chatter: hahahhahaa can you believe he said that, haha the teacher just said shhhh hahahhahaa

Teacher: shhhhh please don't be silly

If you don't nip things in the bud at the start of the year then you have a bad year. The classroom is either run by the teacher or by the most dominant child in the room. Not many parents would want their child in a classroom run by "Alfie" or "Sam" rather than the employed teacher.

Trust the judgement.

RadiatorBlues · 20/08/2016 09:42

I've only read the first few pages.
The OP is having an unnecessarily hard time.
His comment was fair and the teacher way over-reacted in her response.
I'm sorry he was upset.
Kids don't mean harm when they blurt things out. I never did. There's no need to make them feel small and punished for 'thinking out loud' at a young age.

KingLooieCatz · 20/08/2016 10:05

Sounds like a really stupid drama exercise. Odds are high that someone will be embarassed, ridiculed etc. The teacher might have a very different spin on the behaviour and how the words were delivered. Even an honest child might tell you roughly what they said but edit out cheekiness or goading.
No surprise this age know about same sex relationships. At 5 DS could explain a civil partnership. He doesn't know any adults in one. That we know of.

GingerbreadGingerbread · 20/08/2016 10:35

I don't think your son did anything wiring and I don't understand why the children would be told they have to say "I love you" to a child of the opposite sex - that could be construed as homophobic.

GingerbreadGingerbread · 20/08/2016 10:36

*wrong

flumpybear · 20/08/2016 10:42

What a stupid game!

LindyHemming · 20/08/2016 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neveradullmoment99 · 20/08/2016 10:57

Sorry I know this isn't the issue but why are children in school mid August?
Do you live in a bubble? called England Not all schools in the UK go back in September. Scottish schools go back in August.

EvilTwins · 20/08/2016 11:01

flumpy most games are stupid if you think about it long enough.

m0therofdragons · 20/08/2016 11:05

Completely missing point of the thread but why is "lesbian" considered advanced vocab?Confused my 8 yo knows what lesbian means because it's not a dirty secret. My 4 yo might also know, not sure but what do other parents do - a big homosexuality unveil at 13?

GoblinLittleOwl · 20/08/2016 11:20

Well, the rest of the school year promises to be fun!

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 20/08/2016 11:23

There have been some very helpful and supportive comments here. Thank you. DS has a seriously ill grandparent so this is making him more anxious than usual. He is also a dancer, a very good one, who probably gets a bit of ribbing at school from the boys. His blurting out of a stupid comment could have been because he was feeling anxious about a potential attack. The teacher could have handled it better.
I have nothing but respect for teachers. They do an amazing job. Please don't assume that this is an attack on the profession. It is not.
A bit of context to my overreaction - this same teacher once removed a child from the stage in the middle of a carol concert for not singing enthusiastically. Just went on the stage and dragged him off!
I am aware that DS has probably played the incident down. I will speak to the school and calmly discuss the facts. I don't like that he now thinks that lesbian is a rude word.
I am really impressed that there are so many knowledgeable little tots. Wow!
Can't think of any p6 kids or younger who would properly understand different types of sexual relationships. Do they need to?
However, this is not what this is really about. Thanks for helping me with that.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 20/08/2016 11:24

I wonder if MNHQ could provide a head + desk/wall emote.

Swipe left for the next trending thread