AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

Are you up, getting ready for work?

OP screenshot that Facebook page. You have evidence of workplace bullying now if you chose to take it to HR.

I use a knife and fork "properly" but I have no idea which of my acquaintances do or don't.

Seems an odd thing to notice unless you were holding it like a dagger and stabbing your food.

They have no class, OP.

It is very bad manners to comment on how someone uses cutlery
My DDiL has a unique (and to my mind awkward) way of using cutlery, but I would never, ever mention it. I just avert my eyes.
Manners maketh man, and these people seem a bit deficient.
And why do they associate holding a knife like a pencil with living in a Council house? I know quite a few people who use cutlery that way who were definitely not brought up in Council houses.

Another saying don't give them the power or satisfaction.

Why does their opinion matter? You know that you are a nicer person than them as you don't humiliate people. Rise above it and ignore the ignorant twats.

Larry - who knows why - it's just one of those totally arbitrary class indicators, that are designed to trip people up. There's even an acronym for it.

Don't stay off work, OP. It will only make going in that much harder later on.

Honestly - anyone who would get this much of a bee in their bonnet about a supposed etiquette fail, is a total cringe merchant. FFS, it's quite unbelievable...

I am utterly aghast at this! Ok so you hold your knife like a pencil - I would probably notice this, if I am totally honest. However, I would gouge my eyes out with a rusty teaspoon before I would comment on it. It really is neither here or there. However, holding your knife in a non-standard way utterly pales into insignificance compared to running a thumb around her plate and licking it clean. That is truly revolting!!

You do sound a rather shy retiring type so I doubt you will feel equal to doing this but I would reply to that Facebook post with a meme of Hyacinth Bucket and a comment about not wanting to come on another night out if you have to observe X cleaning her plate with her thumb. Ugh ugh ugh!!

This all sounds really quite bullying. Have they done this kind of thing before? I think being called into HR for a quiet word wouldn't go amiss. Vile women with no class.

I read somewhere (long ago) that working class people and upper class people were most likely to hold their knives 'correctly' and that lower middle class people were more likely to adopt the pencil grip. Wonder how Hyacinth Bucket holds hers?

Crossed posts Cora re Hyacinth Bucket.

It might help to remember that they are obviously very nasty, critical people, but the only thing they could find to snipe at you about was how you hold your knife!

They sound really rude and nasty. Also, jealous of you perhaps. Making you feel bad to make themselves feel better. Def screen shot that Facebook post. Report them to, to your manager. Don't call in sick.

They sound obnoxious.

I didn't know there was a right/wrong way either and have just checked to see what I do.

YANBU how horribly rude of them

It is a very good thing that I was not eating the meal with you because when I read your colleagues' comments about council estates and knives my mouth literally fell open, and it would not have been pleasant.

According to family folklore a great grandmother responded to a suggestion that she was wearing her hat back to front by replying: 'I take no account of the opinions of those for whom I have no regard.'
A comfort in the face of unkind criticism, and certainly applies to your extremely offensive work colleagues.

I've not rtft but I just wanted to say:

You can learn to hold a knife 'properly' but they'll always be stuck up dicks.

You definitely are NBU. They sound incredibly rude. As others have said though I would try to go in today if you can manage it, don't let them drag you down.

Work colleagues can just be the pits, I wish I could work on my own. A colleague actually shouted at me yesterday and said that something I had done "looked shit". I was stunned, never been spoken to like that at work ever before. Says more about her manners than me IMO!

just wanted to say, That's bullying, pure and simple.

The correct way to use your knife around these people is to clutch it in your fist and stab them repeatedly in the eyes.

As it was a work event, I'd be raising a grievance.

That's bullying, pure and nasty

Very tacky of them to draw negative attention to you like that. The height of bad dinner etiquette, actually.

One half of my family are vair posh, with lots of weird social codes and formal manners and they would be horrified at the idea of making someone feel uncomfortable. Your knife holding technique just wouldn't get a mention; it simply isn't the done thing.

They're bullying you, plain and simple. For the same reason that all bullies bully people: to make themselves feel superior when deep down they feel inferior.

Post back on FB and say 'Being publicly ridiculed isn't really my idea of fun. There won't be a next time for me.' And then act completely normal.

Dafspunk

I agree with Pps this is bullying and by your reaction im guessing this isnt the first time. I would do as suggested and put in a grievance you did nothing wrong and don't deserve this.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who holds the knife and fork in a left-handed way even though right handed. Not sure why, just came naturally.

It has occasionally been commented on and in the past (to close friends) I have responded with "you want to see incorrect use of a knife? I'll stab you with it if you don't shut up".

The first definition of good manners is to treat everyone with courtesy and politeness.

Also, it is etiquette that if eg someone starts drinking their tea out of the saucer , or indeed holding their knives like a pen, or whatever, that you do the same to put the other person at ease..... because that is what good manners is about.

These sound like a bunch of prize cunts who wouldnt know good manners or etiquette if it slapped them in the face.

Yes put in a complaint about them.