AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

[kathybilbo]

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

So, you've typed out a resignation letter, one of them has posted about your knife or lack thereof abilities on Facebook and this is the type of place people can disappear for weeks without reproach?
OK!
Good night OP!

Ignorant twats! Post this on Facebook and face them with your head held high.

One of my colleagues just posted to facebook that they had a great evening but 'we'll have to teach Kathy how to hold a knife before the next one

Personally, I don't comment how anyone uses their cutlery I do secretly think 'FFS' and not look at them eating as it does annoy me

I'm very surprised someone would make a FB post though. second thread I've been on today wondering of it's real

It is the height of bad manners to make fellow diners feel uncomfortable. So sorry you had to put up with this shit.
If you have the confidence (although they sound like they may not be worth the effort), call the woman out on it when you see her.

I would have had a field day over the thumb licking episode. Screamed with laughter and taken a photo for facebook!!!

Oh Kathy, I'm so sorry! You work with some very ignorant people. If it were me, I would get on that Facebook page and write - "No, you won't have to teach me about cutlery as I won't be there next time. I dislike eating with rude people." Who says there is a proper way to eat with a knife? As long as people are not being hurt in the process, then it should be fine.

I would say their manners were far worse than yours. They commented on how you were eating and someone ran their finger round your plate? How fucking rude!!

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, other than being out with these rude cunts!

They might know debretts back to front but they have no manners class or humility what a frigging horrible bunch of knobs poor you dont let them worry you. Fwiw I hold my cutlery the wrong way its easier for me and yeah i grew up in a council house but not a jot do I care. These peoples opinions are not worth your tears.

People with real manners would never behave in that way. Forget it. They are so not worth it.

I would agree the bad manners are all on the part of the commentators.

I would also post back to the facebook comment the quote about holding a knife being etiquette (further up thread) and manners not commenting on it.

I remember being at a large dinner party once and a so called friend calling me out on reaching to get the salt rather than asking it to be passed to me. I was raised in a family of 5 kids and f you didn't get it yourself, nobody else would. I was so embarrassed. She did this repeatedly about different things. Thing is, we were from similar backgrounds so she must have had a need to show how she was better then me.

I suspect there is some of that at play here too OP. Hold your head up high, do not give up your job for these ill mannered fuckers.

This is one of the rudest things I've ever heard of. Out and out bullying.

What sort of job is it? Can you raise it with HR or your manager?

OP I'm stunned at how rude these people are
Btw I've been using the knife the way you do all my life, I just find it more comfortable and natural
No one has ever commented though now I winder what they were thinking
Screenshot that Facebook page and show it to HR
Hopefully no one from HR was present and taking part in this
The thumb thing does sound like bad manners btw

Christ it must have been a dull night if that was the highlight.

really, anyone who gives the tiniest fuck how someone holds a knife, needs to get out more and find actual problems to fret over.

sad, rude, pathetic bitches.

I hold my knife that way too (when I even bother to use a knife; mainly I just shovel everything up with a fork in the right hand) and my background is vair upper class, so OP's co-workers can get stuffed.

Love that, Zucker!
When I was at primary school in the late 60's the (terrifying) Head used to sometimes patrol around in the dinner hall at lunchtime. Once he shouted across the hall: 'Smithson, hold your knife right.' I really hadn't a clue what he meant at the time but it felt humiliating for a shy thing like me. Years later I realised that I held my knife like a pencil and tried hard for a while to hold it the 'proper' way but it was so uncomfortable. I soon slipped back to the old way and now I wouldn't dream of trying to change it to please others. Isn't life too short.. for such trivial things? Also, I'm really not interested, and never look, how others hold their knife, so long as the food gets into their mouth without splattering everyone around them.
Please, if you can OP, listen to us here and have a laugh at what a ridiculously pompous lot of workmates you have the misfortune to work with.. (Is it possible that the were trying to have a friendly joke, although when it was clear you weren't laughing along, they should have quickly stopped and not mentioned it again.)

If they were truely well mannered they would never make someone else feel bad. I remember being 20 at work and having lunch with a very posh barrister. I (cringing now remembering) said I think I'll have the Hors d'oeuvre - but I said it phonetically. His other colleague laughed and he gave him an icy stare. When the waiter came over he said he'd have the hors d'oeurves and he believed I was having the same. The penny dropped immediately but he saved me any further embarrassment. That's class and good manners.

cows

What RiverTam said - they are absolute cockwombles, please don't let this upset you

Any human being who notices how another uses cutlery is a wanker. Any human who comments on it is a scrotum sucker.
Op, it's time to nut up or shut up. This entire thread is with you (minus the aforementioned wankers) Chin up. Tits out. Go to work.

My best friend holds it like you do but I never even new it's supposed to be "wrong" and I'm about as posh as you can get.

Seriously do NOT pull a sicky then they'll know they have got to you and there will be more remarks of this type.