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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?

315 replies

kathybilbo · 18/08/2016 21:21

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I have just come back from what should have been an enjoyable meal and I can't stop crying about comments that a couple of people made about my 'manners'

We went for a small work meal, just a few of us, and we were having a nice time until one of the other people there said something like "we can tell who comes from a council estate" and nodded at me (I can't remember exactly what was said I was just shocked). One of the others, an older lady who I did think was friendly, laughed and said in a patronizing way "you're holding your knife the 'poor' way, dear." I had no idea what they meant, but then they said that I hold the knife like a pencil, not the 'correct' way, I can't even really describe it but I'm sure people can imagine. I completely lost my appetite and felt really embarrassed and humiliated. They have always been a bit pretentious and they like loudly proclaiming at work about articles they read in the telegraph or tv shows they watched on bbc4 but have never been personally insulting. When they were saying all this the waiter was around bringing some more drinks and even he nodded and laughed along, which I didn't think was that professional.

And at the end of the meal my colleague who had brought the whole thing up was running her thumb around her plate and licking it clean (licking her thumb and running it around).

I think I was in shock really for a bit and it didn't really register but now I've got home I can't stop crying and feeling really embarrassed. I have to go back into work tomorrow but I think I might just call in as I don't think I can face them again really. I almost think I will get self-concious every time i use a knife now, I think I will have to try using it the other way.

OP posts:
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ADishBestEatenCold · 18/08/2016 22:48

"I am going to call in tomorrow, I just really can't go in. Not sure I'll be able to next week either."

I am not surprised you feel that way, Kathy, but please reconsider. These people are bullies, there are laws regarding bullying in the workplace (yes, even on a work night out), and the company you work for has to take action against this.

Please, Kathy, if you can ... report this. Screen shot the Fb comment, use what you've written on here to help you remember the details ... and report!

mum2Bomg · 18/08/2016 22:49

They sound like horrible bullies. This says far more about them and their manners than it does about you xxx Hugs xxx

chattygranny · 18/08/2016 22:49

I'm with mycraneisfixed (great name!) I was also brought up (not with money) with all the "how to" information (In case you meet the Queen I was told : still waiting!) but also that you don't stare and you certainly don't make unkind comments. Good manners are primarily about thinking of others which your affected colleagues obviously were not taught along the way.

Whocansay · 18/08/2016 22:50

Please don't let these people upset you. They are rude and have no manners. As a comment has now been posted on Facebook, that gives you an excellent opportunity to tell them so.

The council estate comment is just nasty and exposes them for the unpleasant, judgemental snobs that they are. You have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. But they do. Please don't risk your job over these vile people.

Benedikte2 · 18/08/2016 22:51

Don't lose money over this. Do go to work next week and stay there until you can find another job you like better.
If there is any sign of bullying or ridiculing at work go to HR and if it isn't stopped seek advice about leaving and seeking damages for constructive dismissal.
Take care you have more sensitivity and nobility than the lot of them put together.

LindyHemming · 18/08/2016 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booellesmum · 18/08/2016 22:54

I hold my knife the same way as you. I never realised until DH pointed out I hold it like a pencil. I cannot hold it "properly" as it just feels too uncomfortable unless I use a childs knife!
I was not brought up on a council estate so that is completely irrelevant.
I would have cried too - it was incredibly rude of them.
The FB post is awful and I would definitely feel the need to post a reply along the lines of that is fine so long as they let you teach them how to treat people with respect.
After that I would draw a line under it - you have done nothing wrong and they are not worth getting worked up about.
Like I say to my kids - you may not be able to change how other people behave, but you can change how you react to it and how you let it affect you.

HidingFromDD · 18/08/2016 23:00

I'd reply 'and I'll teach you lot the difference between etiquette and manners'

SouthWindsWesterly · 18/08/2016 23:05

Fucking hell. What twats.

I was going to suggest posting the following meme under their FB page, but come to think of it, take screenshot of it and any replies, which given their snobbish judgemental manner probably will happen and send straight to HR. Cocks

AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?
Atenco · 18/08/2016 23:09

In my youth I married into an aristocratic family and they broke all the so-called rules of etiquette.

Babynamechange · 18/08/2016 23:09

Id honestly be tempted to add some glib reply along the lines of:

Ha....all very amusing, but are you really that insecure that you need to try and make someone else feel bad in order to make yourselves feel good.. Wink

PigletJohn · 18/08/2016 23:12

it's at times like these I really despise lazy journalists.

Geraniumred · 18/08/2016 23:12

Wow, they are an unpleasant lot. My dd holds her knife your way too. I'd only noticed as it is different from the way I hold mine. I'd no idea there were class implications attached.
The incident says so much more about them than you. Who tries to correct the knife hold of a grown adult? So very rude and patronising.
You need to earn a living, though.

YouOKHun · 18/08/2016 23:13

OP, I'd rather spend an evening in your company than these awful people you describe. Oh the irony of them pointing out your 'error' when they show themselves to be incredibly ill mannered. They sound like a bunch of arriviste Hyacinth Buckets (shudder). Don't let them bully you or take away your confidence.

KindDogsTail · 18/08/2016 23:13

I am going to call in tomorrow, I just really can't go in. Not sure I'll be able to next week either

I am so sorry about the facebook comment. That was horrible and no wonder you feel upset.

Please go in Kathy. Every person here will be with you in spirit and there will be even more of us by tomorrow.

I agree with the poster that this is work place harassment and bulying. I think you should copy the FB page, for future reference if this sort of behaviour continues in any way.

Jellybean83 · 18/08/2016 23:13

They'd have a field day with me, I hold my cutlery the wrong way around.... only my mum has ever taken the piss!

The only time it bothers me is when I'm in a restaurant and they give you a fish knife, which I can't use, the shame of having to swap it for a 'proper' knife.

LyndaNotLinda · 18/08/2016 23:15

I think you should reply to the FB post with: At least I can hold my finger the right way

AIBU to cry after being mocked for holding my knife the wrong way?
Mcchickenbb41 · 18/08/2016 23:17

Mummaaaaaah

"Good manners is the art of making those easy with whom we converse. Whomsoever makes the least people uneasy is the best bred in the room." jonathan swift

Hold your head up high dear. They are the least well mannered people you know.

Love this, so true !!!
Bastards, the lot of them. I can't stand it when someone belittles others. If it's done in my company I wouldn't stand for it. I think it's a gift if you can make others feel comfortable in your company. Go in tomorrow op, hold your head up high and take some comfort from some lovely words posted on here. I'm sending you a very un-mumsnet hug Smile

lasttimeround · 18/08/2016 23:17

Grit your teeth and go in. Don't let them beat you down like that. They are being appallingly rude and bullying you. I do hold my cutlery they way they described but would be mortified w them not you. Don't allow people to shame you like this

hesterton · 18/08/2016 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAdaLovelace · 18/08/2016 23:20

rude fuckers, try to ignore xx

ellamoromou · 18/08/2016 23:20

Just this.

Anyone with an ounce of class would never mention it - my great great grandfather was from aristocracy and he would never dream of mentioning something like this!

get stuck in was his mantra - tell that to your knife twee workmate :)

VioletBam · 18/08/2016 23:22

They negated their "superior" knowledge by mentioning it. So they have no class. FAR worse a crime than holding your knife like a pen.

PigletJohn · 18/08/2016 23:23

"The only time it bothers me is when I'm in a restaurant and they give you a fish knife, which I can't use, the shame of having to swap it for a 'proper' knife."

HMtheQ eats fish with two forks to separate the flakes. No fish knives.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 18/08/2016 23:23

I'd be posting the reply "my manners were not at fault this evening".

Chin up, OP, and go to work. Take the company's money until something better turns up... Then rub your (ex)colleagues' noses in it as you tell them about the genuinely lovely people at your new place of employment!