Aibu to think the women in M&S were rude to dh?

[Slightlypanicked]

Took dd for her school uniform today and tried next and a few other shops but none of the skirts fit her little waist and are long enough so I thought I'd try M&S. Found a few nice ones and took her into the changing rooms.
There was us and another couple of women with a little boy getting changed in there.
Finally found a skirt to fit dd but thought it looked a little long so shouted dh and asked if it looked to long so he popped his head round from where he was sitting on the sofa to look at the length and the two women on fitting rooms said "excuse me but there could be women getting bra fittings round there you can't go round there" really loudly in front of the women in there with the little boy and left dh looking really embarrassed.

I went round and said I thought that it was very rude to embarrass him like that in front of everyone and the woman started arguing with me about bra fittings as a defence. There was literally my dd and a probably 8 year old boy and a total of 3 changing rooms.

I changed dd chucked the skirts on the desk and left.
What would dh do if he went alone with dd?

This happened to me but in the opposite way.

DH was trying on loads of clothes in the mens section changing room. I'm used to TK Maxx where anyone wanders anywhere. I sort of forgot and went to wander through and look at his trousers (he always gets them wrong!) and woman quite sharply said "you aren't allowed to go any further than that chair there".

I was a tad confused because there was a woman there outside one of the changing room but she then said to me that the man in the changing room had alzheimers and so his wife could just stand there. Obviously fine.

I didn't think anything of it, it's just rules that M&S have and nothing wrong with them to be honest. Can't think why you couldn't come out and show your DH or indeed why you wouldn't just decide yourself

I'm near a massive M&S. There are no mixed changing rooms at all. And if there was bra trying on, really OP's DH should not be looking in!

Yabu. Im shocked you even thought it ok. If you want to show dh dd uniform pop out.

What a lot of fuss about nothing. Seriously, the guy was shopping with his wife and daughter- not rubbing his crotch in glee.

The lingerie changing rooms in my large M&S are VERY private. Each individual cubicle has two lockable doors - an outer area where the fitter can stand and an inner area where you can change, then open the door so that the fitter can check you. There is no way that there are EVER women wandering about the common "corridor" area , tits to the wind and if they are it indicates they don't care who sees them because the option for privacy is there and the corridor area is clearly open to the store.

If it was the children's section then the staff were being utterly unreasonable. Fathers are parents too and many of them parent alone - who is supposed to shop for their children. This idea that men are all vile perverts is horrible, discriminatory and hugely damaging to our children - both boys and girls.

And if - as is somehow insinuated in the OP - they are both lingerie and children's changing rooms then your M&S needs to sort out their changing facilities because that is utter bollocks. For the exact reasons mentioned above - children's changing should be accessible to both mums and dads.

The assistants were correct; that is their workplace, they know the rules, and both were in agreement that those were the rules. Their manner might have come across as brusque, but there's no time to chat when a customer's comfort and dignity could be compromised. In a large fitting room, it's difficult to be certain of exactly who is in there at any given moment.

Of course you felt embarrassed, but making a deal of it was the wrong thing to do.

It doesn't matter how private the cubicles are if it's a women's changing room. It's not up to random men to decide the level of privacy women want in a women only space. Nor is it the job of staff to decide which men are 'crotch rubbers' or 'gawpers' and let the others in.

If it's not a womens changing room then the staff were clearly both rude and bonkers. If it is then he doesn't get a free pass because he wasn't literally rubbing his crotch at the time. Whether it was women or mixed we don't know as the OP seems to think mixed and the staff reaction suggests women, but I'll eat my hat if it's a 'women and non-pervert' changing room.

I was told that I couldn't accompany DH into the changing room when he was trying a suit on in an M&S They should have explicit signage if they are imposing single sex conditions. It hadn't occured to me that there would be an issue going in.

Slightly off topic but why can you not make a decision on a skirt length by yourself?

How old is your dd? With regards to your earlier question regarding when it's OK for the child to go in the different gender changing room, I would say up to about 8, then they should go in on their own.

midcentury my point was that in my store "random men" may well decide the level of privacy in a women only space but only if they designed them in the first place - As the changing area has a wide opening to the shop floor so I could be standing in the shop looking at a pair of pyjamas and be able to see into the changing room area but NOT into the ultra private cubicles.

This is an issue of design and signage as I said above. There should always be children's changing areas that are able to be accessed by both parents.

What branch of M&S has a children's changing area?

The only shop I've been in with children's changing is Jigsaw Junior.

Even though there was no sign explicitly stating that the changing room was female only the staff clearly consider it to be female only. I've never been to an M&S with unisex fitting rooms and as the only adults in this fitting room were women I would have assumed it was female only. I don't think you should have asked your DH to look inside the fitting room and I know my DH wouldn't have considered doing it.

I like to look in the communal mirror, normally found at the end of the fitting room, when I'm trying clothes on. If the fitting room is not unisex I wouldn't make sure I was fully dressed each time I looked in the communal mirror while trying on various tops and bottoms. I certainly wouldn't want random men to be peering into a female only space.

If you wanted your DH's opinion on the skirt length you just had to send your daughter out to him.

I don't think the staff were wrong to challenge your husband.

But it's not a female-only space It's a fitting room in a children's clothing department with no sign saying who's allowed in there. If you wander around in your undies in a space not designated as women-only, men might see you

The rule at M&S is that the changing rooms are separate but children up to the age of 8yo can go into the other one with a parent. I was talking to an employee there only a week or so ago.

But from your OP you said it was a bit much to embarrass him "in front of everyone". It was 3 people, hardly making a fuss worthy. And, on the basis, none of them said "oh I don't mind, it's only us" or similar, they may well have not been to impressed and thinking far worse about your dh (and you).

It wasn't appropriate for him to pop his head in at all. The staff are quite right. Even if they are individual cubicals, I've certainly been accosted by a fellow shopper needing help to do up/undo something-yes a bra on one occasion.

It wasn't in a children's clothing department. The OP never said that.

Oh and I was asked not to go into the mens when ds (aged 7yo) was trying on stuff when there was no one else there at all, so nothing to do with "all men are predators"

have never known M&S to have mixed fitting rooms, and think it is very unlikely they would do so on a floor with a lingerie section,
My local one does, including the fitting room by the lingerie section. Last time I was there, there was a man using the changing room at the same time I was (despite men's clothing being on a different floor). I don't see the problem since all the cubicles have lockable doors. If I needed help with bra fitting good luck with that, because the changing room is always unstaffed IME the assistant would simply come into the cubicle with me.

Really - you were told not to do something for good reason and you had a strop.

The staff told your husband he couldn't go in there. Repsonse - "Oh Sorry. DD would you pop out and show daddy your skirt?" ]

Job done. You may not have known who was in there - you didn't look behind all the curtains. That's irrelevant however. Those are the rules. The staff asked your DP not to do something for good reason. Why argue?

And why you don't have enough faith in your own judgement of a child's skirt lenght and have to ask your husband is beyond me! But that is not the question. YABU

It was next to the children's clothes but there is a lingerie section at the back of the upstairs and menswear on the other side

So next to the children's clothes - where else would you get a child to try on clothes? And why is it not okay that their dad comes in to help them?

Children generally try on clothes in the changing room of their sex if unaccompanied or in the changing room of the sex of whichever parent accompanies them in.

Because the norm in this country is that there are male and female changing rooms, not seperate adult and child changing rooms.

What changing rooms are in each M&S Store is stated on their website.