Aibu to think the women in M&S were rude to dh?

[Slightlypanicked]

Took dd for her school uniform today and tried next and a few other shops but none of the skirts fit her little waist and are long enough so I thought I'd try M&S. Found a few nice ones and took her into the changing rooms.
There was us and another couple of women with a little boy getting changed in there.
Finally found a skirt to fit dd but thought it looked a little long so shouted dh and asked if it looked to long so he popped his head round from where he was sitting on the sofa to look at the length and the two women on fitting rooms said "excuse me but there could be women getting bra fittings round there you can't go round there" really loudly in front of the women in there with the little boy and left dh looking really embarrassed.

I went round and said I thought that it was very rude to embarrass him like that in front of everyone and the woman started arguing with me about bra fittings as a defence. There was literally my dd and a probably 8 year old boy and a total of 3 changing rooms.

I changed dd chucked the skirts on the desk and left.
What would dh do if he went alone with dd?

Stores that sell adults and kids clothes where places where the dc's and I would try on clothes. Some bloke popping his head around would have really pissed me off. You should have sent her to him, just in the same way if it was you trying stuff on you would have walked to him.

So it's the changing rooms in next to the underwear.

I am pretty sure they usually have a sign nearby saying 'bra fitting' or rather they do in the M&S I have been in.

I think you were bu. Your Dd should have gone out and shown him.

And if he thinks someone was rude to him, I am pretty sure he is a adult and could have spoken up for himself. If it bothered him.

I think the marks and spencer staff were correct, sorry. They're protecting your DH as well you know. What if someone was feeling vulnerable and felt violated by his presence? It's not just about you and your DD's skirt you know.

It's a women's change room if there are women at the entrance handling the clothes and counter tags etc.

The men's change room is beside the men's clothes.

Personally, I dislike men poking round in the women's change rooms. The light and mirrors are bad enough and to think there are men having a gawk too. Urgh.

Why didn't you bring your DD out to see him? She was wearing the skirt wasn't she?

Silly of you to throw the only skirt to fit in a strop. I guess you're stressed out for normal things to seem offensive, but that was foolish of you imo.

Thanks unicorn yeah you explained it better than me. That's exactly what it was like.
Exactly SirChen and the changing rooms only had us and another little boy in there. I could maybe understand if there was an actual bra fitting going on at the time but really no need to snap at dh the way she did regardless.

But there was no one else in there. Who exactly was she protecting? Dh was already in the changing rooms. On a sofa just slightly out if view. Dd came out of her room and dh popped his head round. If he had been sat further down the sofa he wouldn't have even needed to move to see dd when she came out of the cubicle!

But the male member of staff= male changing room can't always work! Is it a rule for M&S? In Zara, its always men supervising the changing room on every floor.

On an entirely unrelated note, I am impressed that your DH would have a sensible opinion to offer about DD's skirt length. My DH would have said "It's a skirt, it's not falling off her, what's the problem?"

YANBU. Firstly there was no need for them to be rude or embarrass your DH.

Secondly I don't really see what the issue was anyway with him coming in. But if they had to say something they could have quietly said something along the lines of "would it be okay if you see your daughter's skirt outside of the changing area as women tend to use this area for underwear fitting".

I cannot understand why people are having a go at the op. The reason they have individual cubicles is those are private not the hallway. I regularly shout out to oh oi what do U think he'll come to the door of the changing room entrance tell me stunning ( or likely err no) and go again.

I think they arnt used to many men trying things on, I certainly wouldn't be having a bra fitting outside a cubicle. They were rude

I think she was probably right to say something but sounds like her manner needs some work. There's a big difference between 'oh I'm sorry sir, these are for women only, would you mind' and 'YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE'.

Ime M&S staff can sometimes be really officious. I remember trying on a bra and the woman showing me into the cubicle saying sternly 'You know if you buy that you can't return it'.

Like I'd just tried to do that

Out of genuine curiosity. If dh were to take dd into the men's changing rooms is that OK? The little boy in the ladies was about 8 which didn't concern me in the slightest but at what point to they stop kids going in. It just seemed ott to me and could have been much less of a deal if she had just said do you mind not going round there as we might have ladies in for bra fittings..

Mind you, does sound like you over-reacted. Are you okay?

So you shouted to your DH to look and - ''the two women on fitting rooms said "excuse me but there could be women getting bra fittings round there you can't go round there".''

So presumably they thought he was going to get up off the sofa and go in.

It's a fitting room where bra fittings take place and the staff members were just stopping a man from going in. Both women said the same thing a snappy way?

So you argued your point and then threw the skirt down and left. Right. I don't understand your actual question tbh. If it is indeed 'what would my DH do if he was on his own?', well - not go into women's changing rooms for a start.

Sounds like they were rude in the way they asked, but I wouldn't like men wandering round the women's changing either. It's normal to see some fed up looking men hanging around the entrance

Did you really need another opinion about a child's skirt length though? Sounds a bit mad! Is the school very strict about skirt length or something?

When I lived abroad men could go into women's changing rooms - not one communal room, but separate cubicles with curtains. I was very uncomfortable with it because you can see past the curtains. I had to put up with it in someone else's country, but I wouldn't put up with it here.

Obviously it's a mixed bag of opinions. I just felt it was the way she spoke to dh rather than her asking him not to go in. Maybe proper signs would be helpful.

No curtains. Proper full lockable doors and dh didn't wanted anywhere he was still at the end by the entrance and dd came out of the cubicle.

If I was in the changing room, I really would not want your DH coming into the changing room.....

Why did he even need to go in? I go with DH and DS to buy clothes and I've never felt the need to go into the men's changing room.

So he basically looked down the corridor and could see a few locked doors and dd standing in her skirt. There was one empty room and a locked door with a little boy trying something on.

Even with doors sometimes you can see through. I don't think women should be surprised by men going into women's changing rooms. If it's mixed, put a sign up so you know what you're dealing with.

AIBU?
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NO I'M NOT!!!!

Aww. I feel for your DH. He sounds like a nice man prepared to wait and offer his opinion on DDs skirt. He definitely didn't deserve to be embarrassed.

Personally I always get a bit of a fright when I see man in what I've thought is a designated female space, and as such would prefer for OHs to be kept out of woman's changing rooms - even the communal bit. Often I can be found wandering round the bit outside the cubicles looking for a friend or sales assistant to do up a zip or something with my underwear on show.

Also I'd feel a bit vulnerable if I was in there on my own changing, and was aware there was a man outside the curtain.

This is probably something I (or shops) need to address, especially with transsexual people needing to use changing rooms too.

He shouldn't have been in there.

It is obvious in M and S that the fitting rooms that are by women's clothes or lingerie are for women, and the ones that are by men's clothes are for men.

Men don't walk into women's changing rooms.

YABU.

I'm fine. I just disliked their attitudes. I'm usually not one for speaking up but dh looked embarrassed and it really was unnecessary given that there really wasn't anyone else in there. If the place had been full of women I could understand. But I'm not sure what they were worried dh would see through a locked door anyway

YWBU for not taking your DD outside to your DH - it's not acceptable for a man to go into a women's changing room for any reason (clearly it was a women's space as it was in the women's and children's section).

However, sounds like the other women could have handled it better, although they might just have been shocked.

A good learning experience for you and your DH and no harm some.