Or is DP over 'mates rates' for decorating?

[GillBear]

Moving into a house that needs a fair bit of work in a weeks time and also expecting a baby in 2 weeks.

I would normally do the decorating myself but think I'll be out of action for a while!

DP's brother is a painter & decorator. He lives up north and work is pretty thin on the ground so he struggles.

We live in the south west and have had him and his assistant down to help us paint in the past. He stays with us (we feed him) and charges £130 a day not including materials for himself, then that again for his assistant.

He's said he can come down and help with the new house but he wants more money as the week would include a Sunday and bank holiday, so £300 a day for the two of them not including materials. We'd also pay for their diesel.

DP says it's fair enough, even though they only charge £80 a day each up North. He says his brothers doing us a favour, but I think it works both ways as we're giving him work he desperately needs. DP says this is a horrible attitude and I'm taking advantage of his brother by not paying what he asks for.

Am I being a hormonal cowbag?

So for example imagine if I was a mechanic and DP had a camper van to do up and sell.

I wouldn't take a month off work to do up his camper van for him all by myself, then let him sell it and make money on it. I would expect something....

I think what is concerning for people op is your relationship sounds like a transaction but yet you are having a baby together and you also have other dc. It doesn't come across to many people as a loving committed relationship. May I ask how long have you been together?

Read halway down then had to comment as am feeling extremely unsettled on your behalf.

There is something called beneficial ownership, which despite your DP not being on any docs he would have. This means he would be entitled to share of 'your' house. You think it is 'yours'. It's not. If he is livjg there and contributing in any way he is entitled to his share. So you by paying him to work on it is not benefiting you. It is benefiting him two ways. Thru your payments to him and the increase in value.

Please see a solicitor.

Basicly you have a "gentleman's agreement" with the house which seems very reasonable and fair to all if all goes well with a bit of luck. What posters are trying to warn you about is that if it all goes tits up he may actually be able to take more than you have to give from the house sale. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

xpost slim!

The issue isn't actually for me the paying people you know thing. It's DP sulking because you won't pay his DB. If his DB was offering actual mates rates fair enough but he's essentially telling you who you should hire to work on your house.

Op, to reiterate, you are wrong wrong wrong wrong to think your DP has no claim because he is not on the mortgage.

he has a claim. You are in a very vulnerable situation. Pls get proper advice IRL.

Please. Please.

(i know this through very personal experience).

Thanks all, I really appreciate all the info/advice and I will speak to my solicitor.

I realise it's not an ideal set up and it's not a meant as a permanent arrangement. We've been together for 2 years, so not that long in the grand scheme of things.

Hopefully over the next year things will become more official, i.e name on mortgage and if we do marry I will most definitely get a pre nup, absolutely.

We are speaking now. It was more me than him, I just felt let down, he did keep trying to make peace. He said he trusts his DB to do a good job, he's tried and tested and as a tradesman is a bit wary of getting someone he doesn't know as has seen some dodgy work.

Either way I've said my piece and put my foot down very firmly.

So presumably you have an appointment with a solicitor to follow Kit30's advice upthread?

Your best bet ( and I use that word 'bet' for a reason) would be to get him to sign a legally binding document saying he has no claim on the property and keep that document very very safe. You can't do it on the sly, you'll need a lawyer.
Did he sign a document for your mortgagors saying that he waived all occupancy rights in their favour? Do they know he's living there? They should otherwise you're looking at a potential breach of their lending conditions. If he needs to sign for them get him to do it for you st he same time. If he won't then you know he doesn't trust you and is hedging his bets. If you can't have that conversation.....

Just until things are official, because that would be putting your foot down and making sure your dc keep a roof over their heads. It is going to get tricky to keep your eye on the ball once the baby arrives.

'He said he trusts his DB to do a good job, he's tried and tested and as a tradesman is a bit wary of getting someone he doesn't know as has seen some dodgy work.'

Then he can pay for it. Yeah, right.

And please, please take on board what your solicitor tells you. YOU may not see it as a permanent arrangement, but the law may take a different stance if you split and this person makes a claim.

He said he trusts his DB to do a good job, he's tried and tested and as a tradesman is a bit wary of getting someone he doesn't know as has seen some dodgy work.

He is talking as if it is his house as well as yours whereas you seem to feel that it is solely yours.

In your shoes, I would :

1. Make sure there is a watertight agreement over house ownership , drawn up by a solicitor.

1. Get a local decorator to do the decorating.

1. Pay a local builder to do the building work. Make sure you have receipts to show that you have paid your partner for the building work so far.

Sorry, the pair of them sound like they are trying to fleece you. I'd be thinking very carefully about how to protect your finances while on maternity leave as well.

OP, you have enough stress on your plate with moving and having a baby in the same time frame...

Do you really want two lodgers in your house decorating when you are in labour / home with a newborn, house full of dust and noise, no privacy, kitchen taken over with blokes cooking (would they be self catering I your kitchen?) , them sharing the bathroom, work going on while you are trying to sleep?

It sounds a nightmare. Even if you get non-resident decorators - noise, dust, blokes making tea and using your toilet the day you come home from hospital?

Leave the decorating, and all decisions about it, until your new baby is 3m old.

I agree with Blu It's your decision but decorating could surely wait.

Get 3 quotes locally and offer to pay the average of the 3. If DP's brother is really that desperate for wirk he'd do it. If not go local!! Also agree as a solicitor that you should have a written agreement setting out that DP has no beneficial interest in the property and thst he pays rent to you (you pay mortgage)

You mean pay the average of the three quoted minus food and board ? And the petrol and other costs he's asking for .

And you would need everything properly invoiced and paid into his bank account , as that's the basis the others will be quoting you on. THEY wouldn't be giving you a cash price.

Now you mention that you have other children living with you, it's even more important that you get legal advice , as you are risking their home .

Your house, you're paying, your choice.

Someone earlier said that you should pay more as its BHweekend, but presumably you don't actually want to have this done that weekend-you could have it done any time?! Get local quotes. When your partner is paying-he can choose.

So, local quotes are coming in between £90-£120 per hour but also going to get quoted for whole job.

No wonder he's got no work on if charging £120 up North. DP always tells me how much cheaper everything is up there!

Per hour?!

Blimey! I'm in the south west and decorators round us would do it for 75 quid a day. Plasters about the same.

Leave it until after the baby's born and you know what's what. Give it a couple of months.

By that time, you will have met people in your new area who can doubtless recommend good workers.

Ha! Obviously I meant per day

Right now your DP and you are happy and friends and he is saying that of course it is your house etc. Things can turn in an instant and time after time after time people go back on their word when they are no longer involved in a relationship. He could decide to leave you tomorrow. It happens and it happens to people who think things are happy and fine.

As for fitting kitchen etc in spare time. My DH is a works a full-time job (used to be 60+ hours a week) and has managed to fit a kitchen and rewire etc. It just takes longer. I get it that if he feels he doesn't have a financial interest in the house it isn't worth it, but he does. He absolutely does.

More to the point though, my DH does it because it is more comfortable to live in a house that is fixed up. Not everything is about increasing value.

...so you are paying $130/person plus diesel, plus food, plus increased costs for utilities per day. Any idea what all of that comes to? And then he wants more for a bank holiday that doesn't benefit you. Cuhrazy!

Bill is really mugging you off. Them quotes seem much more reasonable!