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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is DP over 'mates rates' for decorating?

205 replies

GillBear · 17/08/2016 09:05

Moving into a house that needs a fair bit of work in a weeks time and also expecting a baby in 2 weeks.

I would normally do the decorating myself but think I'll be out of action for a while!

DP's brother is a painter & decorator. He lives up north and work is pretty thin on the ground so he struggles.

We live in the south west and have had him and his assistant down to help us paint in the past. He stays with us (we feed him) and charges £130 a day not including materials for himself, then that again for his assistant.

He's said he can come down and help with the new house but he wants more money as the week would include a Sunday and bank holiday, so £300 a day for the two of them not including materials. We'd also pay for their diesel.

DP says it's fair enough, even though they only charge £80 a day each up North. He says his brothers doing us a favour, but I think it works both ways as we're giving him work he desperately needs. DP says this is a horrible attitude and I'm taking advantage of his brother by not paying what he asks for.

Am I being a hormonal cowbag?

OP posts:
witsender · 17/08/2016 11:53

That's an utter pisstake of a price. You'll get a couple of blokes for nigh on half that where we are (south).

Why does he charge more 'down here' ?

GabsAlot · 17/08/2016 11:53

he clearly isnt paying tax then if u pay him cash

if your dp wants topay for it let him but its up to you your money your house

DeathStare · 17/08/2016 11:55

Well BIL 's rate seems expensive.

But then what you see as doing him a favour giving him work, he may see as inconvenient hassle that he doesn't really need.

I think you are being unreasonable to expect him to change his rates (he's given you his quote!) or to be pissed off about it.

However I don't think you would be being unreasonable to find a different (cheaper) decorator. And that's what I'd do.

Marynary · 17/08/2016 12:03

I think that this situation demonstrates that it is best not to mix business with family. I would get someone local to do the work and tell your "d" P to fuck off.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/08/2016 12:14

Of course BIL's quote could be his way of saying he doesn't really want to come and sees it as a huge inconvenience.

Does he enjoy staying with you and spending time with his brother (who he never otherwise sees!)?

He may well feel relieved if you find someone locally.

Benedikte2 · 17/08/2016 12:25

The problem with getting "mates" to do jobs is that if there's any issues about standard of work etc you are pretty much stuck.

MrsHathaway · 17/08/2016 12:35

As for the Sunday/bank holiday thing I'm a bit of the 'take it or leave it' mind. Not really happy paying much more than normal. I don't need it done in those days, they are the days he's offered. I know that may sound mean.

I think this is key. He is offering the bank holiday because it's convenient (no other work) then also raising his price because of the date? Not cool.

"If you're so busy you can't offer us a cheaper slot then that's great, you take the work at home and we'll see you another time."

I agree with pps about protecting yourself financially and legally re your assets and baby. Don't take anyone's word for anything unless they're an actual advisor giving privileged insured/indemnified advice.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/08/2016 12:35

Could you wait a few weeks to decorate?

If not, use this guy and treat the vast mark up as a penalty for getting it done quickly at short notice.

If you can wait, or are just too incensed at the rip off, get someone local to do it. Tell DP you appreciate his brother being willing to give up his bank holiday but you can't afford double time so you'll wait for a local firm to come available.

Usually when a tradesperson quotes a stupidly high amount it is because they don't want the work for some reason. Most people would reject them but now and again someone is enough of a mug (or desperate enough) to accept their huge price. So, either the brother thinks you are a rich mug, or rich and desperate, or he is looking for a way of refusing the work without upsetting your DP.

Mix56 · 17/08/2016 12:58

also the brother is apparently not bothered about ripping his own brother off, as in all normal circumstances, you are a couple about to become a family, & would have joint finances.
Unless your P has said Gill is paying......

ThatsMyStapler · 17/08/2016 13:23

he needs the work, & is staying with family so its not like he is off on some job in rank b&b.

This totally

This is not a rate for friends and family, this is a rip off

Vickyyyy · 17/08/2016 13:54

Bloody hell, think we are very lucky. Paid 40 quid per day plus food and drinks for our decorating . And took them for a night out come the end of it all. Actually tried to slip a bonus at the end and they were having none of it. The prices in the OP seem insane to me, especially that BIL is going to charge you MORE than he would others...absolutely crazy.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 17/08/2016 14:56

That is way too high. And if you split and your DP can prove he has paid the mortgage, he will profit too, as well as the fact you have paid him. If you get married and split, he will be entitled to half of the lot. You stand to lose out. Sounds like they all know what they are doing here.

RaspberryOverload · 17/08/2016 16:13

I think whether the DP can claim to have paid towards the mortgage may depend on how he's been paying. If it's directly into the mortgage, then yes, he may have a claim. But if he's simply been paying money to the OP, then it's less clear as it could equally be assumed the money was for living expenses, etc.

Think OP should definitely get some proper legal advice here, I think her DP and his brother seem to see her as a cash cow here.

RepentAtLeisure · 17/08/2016 17:17

Then don't take advantage of his DB. Get quotes from local firms instead. I'll be amazed if any of them charge you that much...

Original poster
GillBear · 17/08/2016 19:13

Thanks all. Still not speaking to DP, he says he knows the guys and they are quick so he was just thinking of the easiest and quickest solution.

I'm getting quotes from locals.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/08/2016 19:52

He sounds so supportive, the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way with his pregnant girlfriend. I wonder if he'd use them if he were the one paying. He's thinking of the solution that most benefits his own aims. I wouldn't move him in.

springwaters · 17/08/2016 19:56

Depends who long a day is. As family if they are doing 14 hour days then not the same as someone doing 7 is it.

clicknclack · 17/08/2016 20:39

wow... really does sound like he is favouring his DB over you. Bet you are buying beer too...

Also another one that is astounded that he is charging labour to work on a house that he lives in. Especially as he legally (as others have said) have a financial stake in it.

clicknclack · 17/08/2016 20:41

Also agree that generally you only pay travel/away from home rates if

  1. there is no-one local that can do it or
  2. you want to pay more because you prefer the non-local person because they are more skilled for example. or
  3. you are saving money to go with the non-local person

not because you are supposedly doing them some sort of favour and are charging you more than they charge strangers.

DontDeadOpenInside · 17/08/2016 20:47

Bloody hell. Dh is a painter and decorator and he charges that on a good day depending on what hes doing. He's having your pants down there. Get a quote.

Vipermisnomer · 18/08/2016 00:25

Glad you are taking charge OP.

You know you can get a free first meet with a family solicitor right? Just make that appointment at the same time, you have nothing to lose by exploring all avenues and possibly a great deal to lose by continuing to go along with whatever silent treatment cash extractor guy invents...

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2016 05:23

What do you pay DP to do work?

TrappedNerve · 18/08/2016 06:46

So where are the actual " mates rates"? There aren't any, quite the opposite.
We have a painter and decorator who lives in our close, tight knit community and are lucky to have fabulous neighbours.

He has recently done three neighbours houses ( various rooms ) and charged mates rates of £50 per day. We didn't hesitate in asking him to do our recent work as I knew how good his work is and it's good to use local people if possible.
My neighbour did 2x dc bedrooms and the bathroom for £150.
We are in the north west.

Please get some local quotes op.

Clutterbugsmum · 18/08/2016 08:43

It's not just £300 for the decorating is it.

It's £300 plus food/drink and lodging for two adults. So OP is probably looking at closer to £500 for the decorating for 2 days once everything is included. So yes it's expensive.

And another point are you positive that the second day they will be able to work. As I would bet that OP BF will go out with his brother for 'a drink', so they will all be hungover.

Rattusn · 18/08/2016 08:50

You are doing the right thing to get local quotes. You'll likely find they are a lot cheaper.

Is your dp really not contributing anything towards the house him, and his baby will be living in?

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