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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask her wtf?

146 replies

hhh333 · 14/08/2016 17:01

Just got back off a camping trip with a group of friends. Family A and Family B. The first day everyone was happy. Family A invited mutual friends up to stop for the night, great stuff as they're good friends and we don't see them often.
Wife A monopolised them a fair bit but we kind or expected that as she likes to be centre of attention. The next day she was beginning to get a bit frosty and said she wanted family time and could we all do our own thing. Not a problem with us or Family B. We all met up later on to go to the entertainment together. She spent the evening with a sour face complaining about everything and saying she'd rather be with her family playing rounders than sat with us. They left early, thank god.

The next morning she was barely making eye contact with us and invited her own friends up for the day. We left them to it but on the evening I asked her over for drinks at our tent. The answer was a firm no and by this point she couldn't even make eye contact with us. She'd blanked us all day.

The next day she invited her family up and spent the day with them, pretending we didn't exist whenever we walked past each other.

It was bonkers. I felt like I was back in secondary school with the way she was acting. Nothing had happened that we could thing of to spark it, she just decided to turn in to Queen Bitch.

We agreed with Family B to pretend it wasn't happening and get on with having fun together. She was gunning for a fight and we didn't want to give her it but now that we're back I'm furious. She did her very best to spoil our holiday over nothing.

Aibu to message her asking wtf?

OP posts:

Zucker · 14/08/2016 20:00

Great idea Piratefairy!

I wouldn't ext her OP she sounds like she'd love the dramz. The holiday is over and grown ups shouldn't be needing apologies over such a small slights.

Boogers · 14/08/2016 20:02

So it's basically that she felt left out one time and decided to strip for the rest of the holiday?

Ignore her, let it go, don't indulge in such childish behaviour. Pathetic woman-child.

fastdaytears · 14/08/2016 20:05

Unbelievable. Would she have wanted to go off with you and the toddlers?

Lulooo · 14/08/2016 20:10

She's obviously upset about something. Is it possible she arranged the trip then changed her mind about being together but couldn't see any other way out of it except putting on a show of being offended about something?

Lulooo · 14/08/2016 20:12

Oh. I just realised OP had been given a reason before I finished posting.

She sounds like she's too much hard work. What a silly thing to be offended at.

OpenMe · 14/08/2016 20:13

I think I might have been upset in her position actually. My reaction wouldn't have been so extreme but I'd have been a bit put out if the entire group had arranged outings without even asking if I wanted to join them, especially as (if might be the case here?) I was already getting vibes that I wasn't an entirely welcome part of the group.

FuzzyOwl · 14/08/2016 20:14

I don't get why you aren't grateful that she is big speaking you and has deleted you from Facebook, and continue to just ignore her.

It was only after having a child that I realised playground drama returns for a second round. This woman sounds exhausting and ridiculous; you're well off out of it.

Original poster

hhh333 · 14/08/2016 20:14

We probably should have asked her but we assumed she'd want some peace as the rest of that day was the 'family day'. If it was me I'd be sat with my feet up reading a book.
Shouldn't have assumed though.

I will message her but will do it tomorrow when I'm less riled up. I've typed it out a few times but I'm just being a massive bitch instead of explaining. I want to be composed and the bigger person. Any advice on what to say would be great!

I still can't believe it. I'd understand if we'd blanked her all day but we only really started ignoring her after she kept shutting us off. I even asked her round for drinks. Dh made her a little sweety goody bag and she threw it back at him. She is mental.

OP posts:

FuzzyOwl · 14/08/2016 20:15

Surely once she realised you had gone she was perfectly capable of calling to see where you were and joining you if she wanted?

Original poster

hhh333 · 14/08/2016 20:17

I would be a bit upset too so I can understand it. She didn't have to react like that though.

There were no unwelcome vibes. She was the one saying she'd rather be with her family. Plus she'd invited all these people up before any of the drama. You don't do that when you've specifically gone away with friends.

OP posts:

CotswoldStrife · 14/08/2016 20:43

So she wanted to go out with you in the morning but wanted you to do your own thing in the afternoon? That is confusing tbh!

LucyFuckingPevensie · 14/08/2016 20:54

Oh what a storm in a mooncup. How were you supposed to know she wanted to come after saying she wanted to have family time.
I would have wanted to come too tbh, but I would have just invited myself along or got over it and made the most of the time to myself.

LaContessaDiPlump · 14/08/2016 21:31

"Hi X - my DH spoke to your DH and explained that you were upset because Friend B and I went to the park with the toddlers on and didn't ask you to come with us. I'm sorry about that - it honestly didn't occur to me that you'd want to come along on a trip to the zoo, as the only reason we were going was to keep the toddlers occupied! I wish you'd said something at the time, as we could have explained then and it might have lightened the atmosphere for the rest of the break. Again, I'm sorry for the initial oversight - it really was not intentional. See you all soon, hhh333"

Hopefully that's apologetic enough to pass muster with her DH. He will then tell her she's being unreasonable for wanting the moon on a stick more and she'll lose her only potential supporter, thus possibly realising what a dick she is

MiddleClassProblem · 14/08/2016 21:31

If you really want to text just say

"I'm so sorry we didn't ask you to the zoo on x day. We assumed that you were enjoying some kiddy free downtime and probably didn't want to spend your morning with two mischievous toddlers. So sorry, we really should have asked."

Original poster

hhh333 · 14/08/2016 21:31

Very confusing. Wife B has text her saying sorry if we caused offence and hope things can be resolved in time. I'll probably leave it at that. I just don't want things to be any more awkward than they need to be in future.
My plan is to kill her with kindness next time I see her

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 14/08/2016 21:33

But she might put the blame on you now and single you out. Queen Bee status like all attention so it might be worth a little message if wife B has done so.

Original poster

hhh333 · 14/08/2016 21:47

Good point. I've messaged LaContessaDiPlumps reply but adjusted it to sound like me. Hopefully everything will blow over now.

OP posts:

dustarr73 · 14/08/2016 22:01

So basically she dumped you to go off with her family but actually had a hissy fit when you did something without her.I wouldnt bother,leave the fellas to have their friendship and just leave her be.I certainly wouldnt be apologizing.

LaContessaDiPlump · 14/08/2016 22:09

Hope it helps op! She may maintain the snit, in which case I'd be tempted to make absolutely fuck all further concessions

TheNaze73 · 14/08/2016 22:47

Don't pander to her & make contact. Starve the batshit eejit of her oxygen

ImissGrannyW · 15/08/2016 00:17

Don't mind me, I've just popped onto this thread to do a bit of tidying up.

TBH, I'd just be keeping her at arm's length from now on.

Wherethefucksthefuckingtuna · 15/08/2016 17:57

I agree with others, don't give her the attention she's obviously craving. If she wants to behave like a stroppy child then treat her like one. She was so bloody rude and your blunt response was perfect. Shame on your hubby for giving you a 'look' that made you back peddle.

Katherine2626 · 15/08/2016 17:59

People who behave like this are seeking attention it seems - I had a holiday from hell a few years back with 'good' friends; my OH had just been made redundant, horrible time, and we were trying to be happy and make the most of the holiday for the children. She acted like a complete cow, I later discovered, because my OH had got some redundancy money and she thought we were 'lucky'!! Other friends had also been kind and offered us any help they could if we got into a mess. She was missing the point of course that OH had no job, we had two school age children and a big mortgage, and the money might last us three months if we were careful (holiday had been paid for and could not be cancelled) We were never the same again with them, true colours had been shown, and it sounds like true colours are being waved about here with your so called friend. Nobody normal should behave like this, and life is too short.

Jooni · 15/08/2016 18:21

Possibly also overinvested here, but I hate that you've both apologised to her! Queen Bitch has got exactly what she wanted and is probably feeling nicely vindicated right now. Now it's up to her to decide whether to "forgive" the two of you or not, with unnecessary drama either way no doubt. Grrrr

blueskyinmarch · 15/08/2016 18:31

Actually I think both you and wife B have been the nicer people and in apologising wife A has nowhere to go for her fight.

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