Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

[goddessoftheharvest]

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

Oops - so determined to challenge this attitude...

Do you all get the

'This gives me heartburn'
'Can't eat that, it gives me heartburn'
'The pattern on the plate gives me heartburn.'
'I'll be up all night with heartburn if I eat that'
'It's too late to eat that'
'It's too late for us, we always eat at 1pm'

shoot me if I ever get like that

I have an ex friend (vegetarian) who would come round, and ddDH and I would treat us to Thai food. Rather than leave everything on the table to share, she'd grab "her" Pad Thai, eat it at the speed of light, then go for what DH and I had ordered, crispy fish, Thai fishcakes, the lot. And she could eat much more quickly than us.

Whenever I asked her why she was eating fish if vegetarian, she'd say, "oh I fancy fish today."

The worse time was when she was at my house, along with several guests and her boyfriend, and ordered a pizza. She snaffled down that pizza like there was no tomorrow, not offering any of the other guests a slice. She then proceeded to pass the leftovers to her boyfriend.

Yanbu a woman at work constantly also tells me how she hasn't eaten for days due to whatever current stress she is feeling and she always says it after eaten her morning routine 3 bags of beef monstermunch. why lie

I dunno, I whinged a lot when I had heartburn! it's the worst if you're a greedy guts like me like, you really WANT the chocolate, but you know the chocolate wont taste nice when it's mixed with vomit!

I'll give them that if they ACTUALLY have heart burn and it's not one of those "I'm allergic to eggs but can eat cakes, pancakes and meringues" situations

My in laws do this! They insist they aren't big eaters and don't eat lunch, serve food to the table, leave us and go to the kitchen but I've gone in quite a few times to find Mil and SIL in there tucking into a plate of food. Why??!! Irritating. If I was a better person I'd just ignore it but I always end up saying something like 'hungry today, eh?' and that never goes down well...

Or even worse, they will make just enough, say they don't want food, come in after the dc have demolished the rations and flutter around with noises of 'oh, nothing left for us'. Arrgghhh! Why didn't you just sit with us, keep back enough for yourself, don't say you won't be eating or just make enough to feed your guests!!

When they come visit us they see the food on the table and start getting stressed about wasteage. Eating a meal together is not an enjoyable experience for any of us!

MIL couldn't POSSIBLY eat more than a slice of toast for her evening meal after positively gorging herself on a bird's portion of cereal and a regular portion of, say, pasta for lunch at ours. She is also forever commenting on how much weight I've lost since the last time she saw me (I haven't). Very PA.
She also asks my 5yo if her friends are pretty and whether they all do "lovely girly things" like ballet.
And apparently it's "naughty" to eat a slice of cake for breakfast (on your birthday!!!) but of course it's perfectly normal to surreptitiously snaffle most of a family sized bar of Cadbury's Fruit & Nut with a few custard creams thrown in a couple of hours later! Drives me nuts.

Blimey, Forever your MIL would be shocked into silence by the "lovely girly things" my DD and her mates used to do at sleepovers here - (Okay - I admit it. I did suggest one or two things that I thought would be helpful to me).

Eg out in the garden after dark, hunting for slugs and snails with a bag of salt and a torch

And both DD and I could eat an entire cake, never mind a slice, for breakfast. And frequently have. I daresay the calories will catch up with her s they have with me . . .

MIL eats incredibly slowly. If we ever go out the staff have cleared the rest of the table and she's still eating pea by pea, carefully scrutinising each one. When she finally finishes she rattles off a list of all the things wrong with the food.

It infuriates me. 3 hours for her to eat a Sunday roast only to complain that it was cold. That's because it's taken you three fucking hours to eat!!

She also insists on using the wrong words for things with the DC but that's a whole other thread. Twitch.

Oh god, oh god. I've found my home.
I eat lunch regularly with a group of women who will a/just have a starter, no main, and b/ say they couldn't possibly eat an evening meal after such a huge lunch, (two scallops on a bed of micro leaves . And even then they will have left one of the scallops. )
The first time I ate with them I made the mistake of ordering dessert, I felt like a complete galumphing pariah. So unfeminine, you see....
And yet at other times they will happily devour the worst kind of gloopy , hugely oversweetened and MSG-filled Chinese food at the worst Chinese in town.

Oh yes, the good old 'Well, we certainly won't need dinner tonight after this!' Said at lunch at 1pm, whilst eating a fairly normal plate of food.

Why the fuck would I not need to eat again in the 8-10 hours before bedtime, just because I had a large-ish lunch?

It's all fucking bonkers. And yes, it's always women with huge food Ishooooos.

What a brilliant thread My exMIL had a hideous refinement of this, in that she'd stare in silence at anything offered - be it a buffet, formal meal or just a tin of biscuits, it was the same stony stare and any spoken encouragement ("would you like ...?") was answered with "hmm" and nothing more

Pure attention seeking of course, and eventually I learned to just serve up, ignore her and leave her to eat it or not

God my MIL is like this. She definitely has food ishoos!

Will often list everything she's eaten lately as a justification for tiny portions- but then spends the tail end of a meal hoovering up the odd corners left. She will often do this with her fingers, or eat straight from the serving dish. Or standing up hidden in the kitchen later. It's like it doesn't count if it doesn't hit your actual plate.

Clearly views most food as 'bad for you'- any fat/sugar/salt is 'naughty'. Is now taking on board DH's low carb fad so that cuts out another food group. Meals at her house are pretty joyless because of this- plain steamed veg are just about OK but the guilt trips about eating them are tedious and she's got such a warped idea of what a normal size portion is that there is never enough to go round. Coupled with the constant comments about how huge and filling and delicious the brocolli is I usually end up ravenous and need to go and get something from the shop.

I can see that it's annoying but am on the fence for a number of reasons:

1. It's the older generation who knew how to portion size. So when they say they 'really shouldn't' eat 'all that' or as for 'just a tablespoonful' they're probably right.

2. Women should eat less than men (generally speaking that is - of course a 6ft female athlete should eat far more than a 5 ft 7 sedentary man). But the average woman should be having 500 calories fewer than the average man. That's the equivalent of a whole meal.

3. Many people who are overweight hate being seen eating or being perceived as 'big eaters' because they get judged or feel self conscious. I can well imagine why they pretend to have small appetites.

4. I am terrified of eating in front of other people and especially at other people's houses precisely because I know that people get annoyed and I feel rude. I generally turn down all invitations that involve food at someone's house but then family or a close friend will say something like 'It's fine, I totally understand, we just want you to be there.' Then it turns out they don't totally understand at all and I end up sitting in front of a huge plate of food I can't or won't eat, having an internal panic attack.

5. People who force food on others are far more annoying than people who don't want food, imo. My grandma does this. 'do you want more of X, Y, Z?' 'No thank you, I've had plenty' 'Oh, I'm sure you do, it's a shame to waste it' as it is being ladled onto your plate despite protests.

I love people who let you serve yourself. It actually makes socialising a possibility for me.

Arghhh remembered something else. The MORALISING people (ok, women) do. "Naughty" is irritating enough but describing having pudding as "sinful", really?
Molesting children is sinful. Having a slice of cake is just having a slice of cake FFS!

I had this conversation with a male friend the other day, actually. Asked him, 'When was the last time you heard a man describe food using any of the following words: naughty, bad, cheeky, sinful?'

Answer: 'Ha! NEVER!'

Well, perhaps we SHOULD all be eating less, but when in company, we SHOULD also not be rude, judgmental and antisocial, which is what you're doing when you try to make someone feel inferior to you or ruin their enjoyment of the event, however you do it.

My DM is exactly like this, she has a weird attitude to food and portion sizes which worries me at times as she's very slim. My dad is quite overweight and she sits and berates him for the amount he has on his plate but she thinks nothing of handing him her leftovers! I've had words with her about this as it's often in front of my DC's and just generally makes us all feel uncomfortable.

When I'm plating up I usually get DH to distract her by asking if she'll help feed the baby or set the table whilst he helps me. I usually give her the same size portion as my 11 year old and she never grumbles (as she's been warned about her comments around the kids!) and it's usually eaten!

It's interesting that the majority of anecdotes are about DMs and DMILs, rather than friends, DSis etc.
I guess it's a generational, post war thing where food was rationed and you had to make do. Or where mothers would give up their food to enable to children to have a proper meal

God, if I go out for dinner with my sisters, it's like the Tiny Appetite Olympics.

"Ooh, I'm starving. I've only had a bowl of cereal all day"
"I've only had six almonds"
"Oh. Are we having starters? I don't think I could manage a starter and a main. Maybe two starters?"
"I can't eat more than two courses after 6pm. I'll be awake at 2am with a rock in my stomach"
"Hmm. I know what you mean. Do you think the fish has gluten in it?"
"I'm not sure. I read a thing once that said people who feed bread to the ducks are causing gluten to occur naturally in fish."

Of course they are both undiagnosed coeliac.

I just drink lots and lots of wine...

"You're going to have soup and a sandwich????"

Oh, this is MIL, we were in a cafe with pil and my parents, mil overheard my Dad ordering soup and a sandwich for my Mum (who has her own issues with food but at least doesn't try and stop other people eating)

MIL to Mum: "He's ordering you soup and a sandwich !!"
Mum: "Yes, that's what I asked for"
MIL: "You can't!"
Mum: " "
MIL: "It's too much"
Mum: "It's fine, it's what I want"
MIL: "But, it's soup and a sandwich "

Very circular conversation continues in same vein with Mum getting increasingly uncomfortable and MIL getting genuinely angry with her. MIL ended up sitting on a table by herself, arms folded, back to us.

Tiny Appetite Olympics!

the thing about my MIL is she did eat a normal amount of food but wanted the rest of us to starve ourselves.
Eating a small Christmas dinner at 9pm after being up since 7am and only eating cereal and a roll all day as well as being hungover is really no fun.
Then being told you are being a glutton with every mouthful.
She stood in the kitchen all day grazing of course.

I accidentally made 2 year old a huge (large adult sized) quantity of pasta once and she had a good go at it - MIL complained for 3 days she didn't eat it all.
There was no sense of what was normal.

I used to have a friend who would change her mind at the last second before ordering food in restaurants....
Me: This looks delicious, I think I'll have the spicy noodles.
Friend: Oh yes, I'll have the same.
Waiter comes to take order, friend will start rummaging in her bag, forcing me to do the ordering.
Me: Can we both order the spicy noodles please?
Friend: No, actually, I don't think
I can manage all that. I'll JUST have a side salad and some tap water.
Every. Single. Time.

She has serious food issues and loves to make herself feel better by eating less than everyone else. Also claims various food intolerances/dislikes to avoid food. She was a vegetarian who apparently thought eggs were revolting, which meant she could eat very little if anything at anyone's house. Her aversions also changed regularly so weren't predictable. (And she'd happily eat meat /fish/eggs when she felt like it, eg after a few days of salad leaf starvation....) She was bloody hard work!

To add balance Spouse has minor irrationalities about eating sweet food. He's older than me and very keen to stay health and active in retirement.

Now the children are gone we don't routinely have biscuits in the house, and will usually just have a main course for supper. (Fruit and/or cheese if we're still hungry.)

He will nibble dried fruit and nuts rather than eating biscuits/crisps etc

So on the occasions when I buy biscuits - perhaps someone is visiting - or buy something like an apple tart and cream, he will be vaguely uncomfortable and seem to think he's doing something a bit wrong.

When I pointed out that dried fruit was sweet, he said that was different. I told him that while it was less processed, the body didn't distinguish between fructose and other kinds of sugar. Eating a slice of apple tart wasn't automatically 'worse' than handfuls of dates and figs. He was really quite surprised by this.