Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

[goddessoftheharvest]

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

My MIL is super-weird with food. Lovely woman but totally messed-up relationship with food. I flatly refuse to engage with anyone who eats like a sparrow and prides themselves on being perpetually hungry.

We have two DCs and my attitude to food is that if you're hungry, you eat, you stop when you're full. None of this "women's portions" shite because some days I do thirty five thousand steps and 5 mile runs while DH sits on his arse watching golf, so of course I'll eat more than him.

Oh definitely Sandy - she also likes to marvel at how much SIL (not her DD) can eat without putting on weight so it goes both ways.

I understand that she has issues over food but I wish she would keep her comments to herself.

Gwenhwyfar WHAT are you on about! I was talking about normal portions, just not tiny ones, tiny portions where nothing is left on the table for seconds, and you know seconds are not going to be on the cards, are not cool. especially when you've driven for hours then waited for hours after arriving at the time when lunch was SUPPOSED to be

I had an aunt like this MrsBob - "Oh no - I couldn't possibly. And I don't want to put you to any trouble - just a lightly boiled egg for me." (When everyone else is eating a Roast Pig, yorkshire pudding and 53 different vegetables)

I was "Honestly, I don't want to put you out; I couldn't possibly take advantage of your good nature and generosity by eating the perfectly good dinner you've prepared. Honestly - just the egg. And some toast. Can you cut the crusts off and cut it into fingers? Unsalted butter if you have it. Oh, you haven't? (sigh) Well, salted will do, I suppose - just as long as I don't put you out. And if you could just put a little salt on the side of the plate and I'll sprinkle it on the yolk as I need it. You haven't got a cloth napkin, have you? etc etc etc"

I have chest like an ironing board, but I can tell you - if I'd had any tits she would have got on them!

Napqueen, my mother does this

Whenever we went out for a meal, whatever I left on my plate, she'd eat, "as not to waste it".

Once I ordered saus n mash, and the 3 sausages were bloody huge! They were all different types, duck, wild boar, and something else I can't remember. I ate as much of them until I felt full, and she forked them off my plate, and ate the lot!

She has Bulimia, and the vomitty noises emanating from the bathroom afterwards were something to behold.

Sadly, she encouraged my sisters and I to do the same if you "felt full", and I was the only one to grow up without an eating disorder.

ha ha 2kids, I know that one well "oh don't put yourself out honestly I'll just have something small, anything.. honestly whatever you have"….. "no not that…"

it's usually at breakfast time that one. "Is there anything in particular you like for breakfast that we can get in for you" "no no I'm easy, whatever you have"
………………….the morning after they stayed the night:
"what would you like? have toast, can do a fry, porridge, cornflakes, crumpets"
"Oh I usually just have muesli"
"Oh, we don't have any museli, but we have cornflakes, and, oh, some bran flakes and wheetabix"
"oh don't worry, I'll just have toast and marmite"
"don't have any marmite but we have jam, marmalade, cream cheese"
"oh I'll just have toast then"
"okay, butter or marge?"
"oh, no I'm fine I'll just have it like that"
Sits making her plain toast look as miserable as she possibly can

me under my breath: "I asked you what you fucking liked before you came to stay!!!!"

(I do love my family really :-D most of them anyway are infuriating but also I love them and laugh about it the odd one though is just a cunt )

Anyone remember the person who got her sausages rationed in the school canteen?
I don't think she ever updated the thread but I really hope she got to make her point

How have I only just come across this thread, yanbu AT ALL. I can't bear it, it's just a way for people mostly with bad food associations to draw attention to themselves. I often wonder what their children's relationship with food will be like?

I don't care what you eat, just do it without that passive aggressive head tilt, sharp intake of breath and "ooh, I couldn't possibly eat as much as you! I'd be the size of a house!" while fannying around with two peas and a teaspoon of mash.

you see, if you put "just" before your unreasonable request for an alternative that doesn't exist after you've been offered a choice of 7 different things.. it makes it ALL OKAY and you don't sound fussy at all!!! honest!!….

hot drink? what would you like? tea, coffee, decaf, chai, mint tea, berry, honey and lemon tea?
oh, just a chamomile please

I think it comes from when there was no Lycra and clothes were expensive! You just couldn't afford to go up to a size 12.
Also, in the last, women were completely dependent on men, and the fear that the young skinny unmarried girls in the office were out to snag your 'businessman' husband, made them feel they had to constantly fight those pesky 10 lbs, and keep their waistlines at 25", with the help of 18 hour girdles etc.

I do think all these ladies sound like they have an eating disorder, or at the very least disordered thinking about food.

If someone only wants a bit I just give them a bit. I've learnt to ignore comments, they reflect on the person saying them IMO. I stop eating when I'm not hungry. I never finish if I've been given too much, no matter how many comments people make.

My mum has bulimia, so I've become immune to her crap about food, but I do find it annoying when she starts up when the dcs are listening.

I have to remind them of the old saying:
if you're thirsty, drink;
if you're hungry, eat;
and if you're tired, sleep!
The rest is BS.

I don't mind people with intolerances/allergies/faddy diets/religous criteria, small appetite or whatever. They are fine so long as you know in advance. Even vegans

I just don't want the endless performance of "I couldn't possibly... Oh, just a tiny little bit... a sliver then, you've twisted my arm" while actually wanting a proper portion and/or swiping food from others.

A chip off someone else's plate has the same calories as a chip off your own; although your martyrd commentary may be burning a few more calories, by working out your jaw, than if you ate healthily off your own plate.

Sandypantz

Don't mock them for putting away those mints. It is probably the same box that they won in a church raffle in 1987, and it's saved them a fortune - coming out in pride of place on the table at every family meal, and then returning to the cupboard pristine and still virginal.

If they are ever opened you will find that they were manufactured in an era when each mint was hand-carved by craftsmen - and will probably disintegrate into dust as the fresh air hits it.

Take your own After Eights next time. Eat them in front of her when she returns the box to its plinth in the cupboard. If possible, open your After Eights at 7. 59 . . . .

DH's family don't seem to eat much although don't comment on it. I hate eating at his family as one lot do buffet type stuff but there is nowhere near enough for everyone if I want as much as I would dish up at home so I feel forced to take small amounts. At other relatives, it's small plates so not much to eat with veg that literally melts as it's been boiled to shit. We have been known to go to McDonald's after. We aren't pigs but I like a decent amount of food when I'm having a meal. If anyone felt the need to comment, I'd be compelled to eat more on principle.

Next time Op, serve a spoonful of each item and let her have that and do not let her take food from you child! Tough shit if she she wants to make a fuss about eating the amount that a sparrow would eat then thinks she is free to take someone else's food! But then I never share food, ever!

Also-while we're about it-what's with older female relatives acting all delicate and bird like when eating. Just bloody well eat.

My DM has started do this. She will cut the food up super small, then cut it some more, then prick it with 'dainty' little ladylike stabs and move it round the plate a bit, before finally showing it in her gob. It takes an hour for her to eat a child sized meal.

She's the size of a house and buys tons of fresh cream cakes and choc ices and biscuits at the weekly shop, which she obvioiusly eats, but not in front of people. That would be rude and unladylike

JurgenKlopp, I am so feeling you. My sister is extremely competitive and controlling about food and while she is slimmer than me, I think she pays too high a price for her figure (put simply, no one likes her because she is a pain in the arse). She absolutely loves that I am fat and blatantly glories in it.

One of her schticks is that, as a group, she can't bear to just go somewhere and order a thing for everyone. She always wants to order a smaller number of things than there are people, and divide them up into bits. it makes me want to scream because the faff sucks the whole joy out of everything, and you feel like you can't order the thing you wanted in case the person who is having the other 3 sevenths of it (along with 62.4% of my dcs' chips) wouldn't have chosen it. I would literally rather not have cake or any kind of "treat" than have it ruined by all this nonsense; why can't we just all order the thing we want, and if there are leftovers I am perfectly happy to take them away rather than throw them away, but negotiating for a section of some cake I didn't choose off someone else's plate really doesn't feel like a treat at all.

Her children are hungry teenagers and incredibly gannetty and aggressive around food, with a learnt sense of scarcity (even if on any given occasion there is actually plentiful food, because I have had something to do with it). This is extremely stressful, because you literally can't put your sandwich down to take your dcs to the loo and have any confidence it will be there when you get back. So her food issues have not only made her socially awkward but are having this knock on effect on her children having terrible manners.

Last week my 5 year old asked the table if anyone else wanted the last something or other, or if she could have it; I made the most enormous song and dance about praising her for her manners, hoping that my teenaged nephew and niece might pick something up, but no dice

But then I never share food, ever! HarryPottersMagicWand* are you related to Joey.

Don't mock them for putting away those mints. It is probably the same box that they won in a church raffle in 1987, and it's saved them a fortune - coming out in pride of place on the table at every family meal, and then returning to the cupboard pristine and still virginan

This is probably actually true!, hopefully I'll get re-gifted them for my 60th

OMG this could have been OH's DM. What a pain in the fucking arse! And it's constant and all day! Picks at lunch and dinner and has the figure of a pie eating champion! Actually spend more time trying to precisely out as tiny amount on her plate than it took to shop, prepare and cook it!
And going out to eat it even worse - spends forever moaning about how she can't choose because she doesn't eat much! Over orders and then keeps trying to shove it on our plates!! Of course has nothing to with the few bottles one glass of wine she's had.
I had to stay with her at the end of my pregnancy as we live on an island and only has a "cottage hospital" and if to be on the mainland 3 weeks before due date because of weather/going early. I ended up being 2 weeks over due and fucking starving as she kept giving me the same minnow sided portions! Thank god for OH's DF he was in charge of pudding - 3 scoops of ice cream minimum!

sandy - I agree with 2kids. Take your own After Eights next time, but don't produce them until they have put their own away in the cupboard. At this stage, take them out and GORGE yourself on them, while saying what a shame it is that they can't manage any. Ensure lots of lip-smacking and mmmmmmm-ing. Offer none.

Sandypantz

The "I'll just have what you're having" gets me too.

As you say, it is "I'll eat anything - no not that, or that, or that either." And then it turns out that it is "Actually I only eat Endangered Species burgers in a sauce of Unicorn Tears with a side of Bees Testicles seethed in the tears of baby angels."

OR

They really mean what they say, and insist on having the same as you, and it is the morning that you were just going to have a cold meat pie and a bottle of Guinness for breakfast, and you either have to share it (No bliddy chance! For one thing, there is only ONE pie, and ONE bottle of Guinness and that's spoken for. And for another thing you know fine well that if you shared with them they'd just muck it about on the plate and leave it) or eat toast and sit resentfully dreaming of the breakfast you could have had . . . .

My sister once set the kitchen on fire with her ridiculous pretences about having a sparrow's appetite. She liked to start preparing food then leave it half done in the kitchen for hours until someone found it and asked about it. Then she could wibble about having been distracted and completely forgetting all about it because she just thinks so little about food, needs to be reminded to eat, etc etc. She was a size 16 at the time; she cut the labels out of her clothes and claimed she was a 12, but I was a 16 too and her clothes always fitted when I "borrowed" them. And I'd often go to pilfer bad food while our parents were out, only to find she'd beaten me to it.

Anyway, when it was just toast left to go cold in the toaster or soup abandoned in the microwave, it wasn't so bad, though the waste was annoying. But then she had to up the ante and leave stuff boiling on the hob while she went off to pretend she was too sylph like to remember it. When the smoke alarm went off and we had to attack the flames with a fire extinguisher, words needed to be had. It stopped after that.

gods, there are too many people like this in the world
one of my grans was the same - ate like a little pecking sparrow in public, comments to all and sundry about weight appetite, oh you shouldn't, I couldn't, etc. But she would pre and afterload food like a bloody gannet in the kitchen

a few little digs from her when I was a teenager started to prick; but my father noticed what she was doing and one day barged into the kitchen opening the door for all to see ' honestly mother, are you still in here pretending not to eat the biscuits'
he took us aside later and explained she had some problems around her eating, had always done this as long as he could remember and the best thing we could do as girls was never listen to other peoples food issues or get into food and diet games
I luffs him for that day

I am small. 5'3" and size 8. But never have I said to my MIL that I have a tiny appetite. She just assumed. So she'll plate up normal portions for the rest of the family, and a tiny one for me! Even if I am training for a marathon, pregnant or breastfeeding, all of which I have been, since meeting her.

Reading this thread has been such an eye opener for me - I don't think I had ever really thought about how much my DM's occasional comments about food really messed up my own attitude towards it as a teenager (even very subtle things like emphasising she had "only shared a tiny slice of cake" if she met with a friend, and "just had a tiny bowl of soup" etc for lunch, along with bigger, more obvious comments).

It's only since well and truly recovering from my anorexia (which happened quite a few years ago) that I've been able to realise her comments are down to her issues and not normal.

It has also made me sooooo challenge this attitude every time I encounter it (especially when children are present).