Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

[goddessoftheharvest]

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

Nothing wrong with politely declining something. When I was losing weight I would often say, "Not for me, thank you," or sometimes, "Honestly, I'm very full, thank you" if pressed. What I never did was make a huge song and dance over how delicate my appetite was, how I couldn't dream of eating as much as YOU DREADFUL GLUTTONS, how superior I was, etc etc.

Some people won't let you decline politely. Oh go on, do have some more, I made it specially, you used to like it, well I enjoy my food, are you sure you wouldn't like a some more?

manicinsomniac I'm so glad someone's given another side to the argument. I've been so wanting to, but know I'll get jumped down my throat. Here it is anyway - we have an obesity crisis in the UK and more than half of people are overweight so more than half of people really do eat too much.

In my family older relatives practically force feed everyone else and I've always thought growing up with rationing (and before that just a time when food was expensive) has made them feel that they must buy/make any food they can now.

I read a thing once that said people who feed bread to the ducks are causing gluten to occur naturally in fish

and in ducks, presumably . . . or are they gluten-resistant and just txt as carriers,like Typhoid Mary?

Valid point about the obesity crisis gwen but this thread really isn't about how much people eat or don't eat or being fat/thin. It's about people who inflict their food 'ishoos' (whatever they may be) on others. This is highly irritating - fact.

I was brought up to think it's the height of bad manners to comment on someone else's food intake.

My mil is overweight and pretends to eat barely enough to keep a bird alive. I don't care really, what she eats or doesn't eat is none of my business. I would never comment on her appetite or lack of.

It is annoying though to be constantly subjected to a weird monologue about how she's only eaten an egg since yesterday or how she doesn't bother eating dinner

6 peas or 7

This made me snort with laughter.

Ask her this, please do!!!!!

I have friends that "don't like sugar".

But only processed sugar.

They will happily knock up "energy balls" made almost entirely from dates and "raw cacao" (CHOCOLATE FFS), and scoff the lot.

If I deign to offer them a strawberry lace, it's all looks of horror and "oh gosh, I find that so sweet, so much sugar".

Well yeah, it's a sweet love.

Am loving this thread! So many familiar experiences. All my life, my mother has skipped meals and then been totally surprised when you say you are going to eat or are hungry. She is also one to invite you to a cafe for lunch or breakfast and then announce that she's not actually hungry and is just going to have a coffee. My brother has now married someone with serious eating issues, and he in turns enables/worries about her, but the three of them in a restaurant always insist on under-ordering, making comments about not having too much food etc, etc. It drives me bonkers. My mother has always had control issues around food and if she received a box of chocolates at Christmas or something, would put them on the sideboard and not open them. Then eventually, After literally weeks, she'd open them and have one....a week. As a child, we'd always be saving for family holidays, and whenever we were hungry, she'd say: "The less you eat here, the more you eat in Europe!" I'm sorry to say that I have inherited some issues, like I do actually hate to eat in public, but I try to just say "No thanks" and that's it and I'm also getting much better at not giving a shit.

On the other side, my DH family's entire topic of conversation used to be all the foods they hated, what was disgusting, horrible, etc. Any family meal was dominated by who hated what, and remembering the times awful food had been prepared or eaten. After I had my DD I made an announcement that we did not discuss what foods we disliked in our house, as her little toddler ears were wide open listening to everything, and it used to drive me nuts. I know everyone has their preferences, but I've never come across such a fussy group of people. Their hatred of certain foods seemed to be more pleasurable than bloody eating.

Agree with Butt. I'm overweight and my in laws hate it. They deal with it by pretending they hardly eat to make a point. Even though, as they are a bit overweight themselves, this is not quite true.

It's the pushing their ideas on to others and the passive aggressiveness of the whole thing. And genuinely, the unreasonable amount of food served. Think two chicken wings and one tablespoon of rice for a 7year old who has just arrived after having very little breakfast before the 4 hour car journey. That's a slim child who has only recently started to finish both halves of his sandwich before being full and a 5 year old who can just about finish half a sandwich. So not big eaters but still, when we are there it feels like I've the world's greediest children.

Pushing food issues to guests/hosts/friends is rude! If you're eating with others, then just eat. Or don't. Just don't make such a fuss.

Under ordering!! How could I forget that. We went to a restaurant together once as they insisted they were going to treat us. Two curries, 1 rice and 2 nans to be shared between two male adults and three women. FIL had 1 nan for himself (you start noticing amounts when there so little to go around) which left 1 nan and a rice between the other 4 adults.

The obesity crisis is hardly relevant, since in my experience the people who do this annoying shit are, to a one, overweight.

Whereas I, who eats a piece of cake without making a massive fucking song and dance about it and implying everyone else is a glutton, am not.

Under ordering and ordering the plainest, non-tasty item on the menu.
Back on the subject of cakes (I have cake brain).
What's with going in a coffee shop with a fantastic array of cakes and homemade biscuits and all sorts of delicious goods and then ordering the most boring, tasteless, uninspiring non-cake on the menu?

''I'll have a toasted teacake if you please'
^butter and jam?'
'Ooh I better not jam is too exciting
'A nice plain toasted teacake is quite enough for me'

Coffee? tea? hot chocolate? frapuccino? arsenic?

''Oh no. a plain glass of water will do me fine, please, thank you very much'

My in-laws had a rule that if they had a hot meal at lunch, then they only had a sandwich at dinner. Even if that hot meal was a cheese toastie. It was hot, and therefore dinner must be cold. Or vice versa. Cold lunch = hot dinner. Fair enough, that's what they did. But they would try and make DH and I also follow their rule when we went to visit. One time we went away for a weekend with them for MIL's birthday. We were having dinner that night at the hotel. DH and I had forgotten The Rule. We were traipsing around a small market town at lunch timeand DH was starving. Every pub, cafe, restaurant we suggested was vetoed by MIL. Eventually BIL buggered off to a pub on his own for a pie and a pint. I had to sit down as my feet were killing me so we stopped at a cafe and sat in their garden. MIL ordered a scone (which she split with FIL) and DH, to his horror, saw that there was nothing substantial on the menu. MIL says 'have a scone'. DH 'I don't WANT a scone, I want food!'. Then MIL says 'but we are having a hot meal this evening'.

Another time we went to stay with them and they had arranged to go out for lunch with friends. We were happy to stay home, and they said they'd be back in time for dinner. They got back around 8.30 and we were starving and wondering what was for dinner. MIL 'we had a hot meal at lunchtime, and we're full up'. So there was no dinner for us. DH made huge rounds of cheese on toast which we scoffed, sitting on the sofa and glaring balefully and accusingly at them. MIL - 'how can you eat so much cheese and toast?' Because there's no dinner but it's ok - YOU had a hot meal at lunchtime!

Bah. Must.let.it.go.

I haven't gotten to the end of this thread yet but has anyone else had to deal with the Food Sharers????? People who go to restaurants with you and want to order one starter and entree and split it at the table. I thought it was a Yank thing- where the portions are genuinely massive in some cases- but have encountered it recently in the UK too. I don't mind sharing a dessert at all but a MAIN??? No I'd like to choose and enjoy my own food please. Also these were not on Chinese it Indian restaurants where you might expect this...

My soon to be PIL don't have a problem with portion sizes but they have a thing about salt. They don't ever have salt on their food or even cook with it.

I like a little bit of salt especially on potatoes and the first time I had dinner with them, I innocently asked where was the salt to pop a little on....well three years later, the whole extended family has heard about this, they have bought me my own pot which gets put on the table every time we go around there with the whole 'Oh, we never have salt unless you are here, won't you die because of that microgram of salt'

I am not a salt fanatic and obviously wasn't trying to be rude about their cooking but they have never let me forget.

I offered a packet of biscuits to a guest.

I was met with their customary sad jiggling of the belly fat and "I really shouldn't". "Ok" I said and turned around with the biscuits.

Up they jumped at the speed of light with an "Oh ok go on then, just one"

It felt slightly awkward as it was loaded with a tone of 'you twisted my arm', which of course I hadn't done! I suspect I was expected to engage in the 'don't be silly you've got a great figure/one biscuit won't hurt/you can't leave me eating biscuits by myself' game. Ah well .

It always fascinates me how much people use food as a means of control/manipulation, and also expect other people to join in the game.

I think it has a particular kind of role in dysfunctional families.

Neither my husband nor I have an especially sweet tooth. We'll have a slice of cake if we've been out on a walk or taken some other kind of exercise - to keep us going till the next 'proper' meal. But that's about it.

Yet when we go and see my mother, she always has plates full of cakes - ready sliced up and buttered fruit loaf an neatly arranged biscuits for us. We've had breakfast and then sat in the car for a 90 minute drive up the motorway. It's mid-morning and we will be expected to eat a decent meal at lunchtime. I always refuse the cakes and biscuits - and feel vaguely annoyed, that nothing - absolutely nothing - will stop her putting them out each time and offering them to me.

It's fucking weird. I want to get a Dominoes and eat it while howling at the moon now though

My mil does this and then eats loads but that time has made everyone else feel so bad about actually eating that no one enjoys it. Really annoying when you've spent time cooking and even worse when out - I eat whatever I like now but that's taken about 16 years!

My mother has really odd food obsessions. My dad has a heart condition and is supposed to have a low fat diet, but she keeps giving him pies and cakes to eat, which is okay because there is no salt anywhere in their house. Also, butter or margarine are not allowed. It's fine to eat bacon sandwiches dripping with fat, you see, because there is no butter. Guests are fed sandwiches (assuming they are not classified as Too Fat To Feed by my mother) but even then there is no butter because BUTTER IS THE VERY DEVIL!
She's fat too although she likes to pretend she's the model of good health and slenderness. She is a great one for the lengthy diatribe about other people's eating habits. i once saw her hold up the queue in the Co-op because the checkout lady told her the packet of crisps she bought was on BOGOF and she treated the poor woman to a five minute lecture about how she only needs one because she only eats crisps once a year as a VERY SPECIAL TREAT. (She's also a big fat liar- she eats bloody tonnes of crisps, she doesn't doesn't let herself be seen buying them!).
Performance dieting is every bit as irritating as performance parenting.

My MIL actually can't eat much without putting weight on as she spent so long dieting it ruined her metabolism. Sometimes I feel I have to justify my appetite (I have been to the gym and I'm starving) as she seems to have issues about it. When they come round though I try and let them serve themselves.

My DM is the opposite "Ooh well, I shouldn't really but go on..." absolutely loves her food and also has a terrible sweet tooth. She's quite right in that she probably shouldn't, with type 2 diabetes, but is actually managing it pretty well. She isn't anywhere near as bad as my DF though, (and is a joy to prepare food for) who subsists on bread, cheese, bacon, boil in the bag fish, cake, cereal and coffee and has recently been persuaded to eat more fruit. Occasionally a vegetable will stray past his lips if it has been cooked to death. He is slim though- he doesn't overeat, but is infuriating to cook for or eat out with as there is not much he really enjoys. And is anaemic- unsurprisingly. My parents are like Jack Sprat and his wife. One low BP, slim, low thyroid, anaemic, always cold, one high BP, plump, always hot.

I seem to be a bit of both, low BP and resting heart rate but a bit heavier than I ought to be as I love all food (though do not have a sweet tooth as such)

My mum does this. She eyes the plates when we're out as they come towards her then says oh that's far too much, oh my what a portion, oh I'll never eat half of that etc. then she'll eye up others plates and comment on that too. If I've cooked she'll always say just a tiny portion for me then she'll still say oh that's too much, I'll never eat all of that etc. Once we've finished eating she will almost always comment on someone else's plate and say oh you did really well. She is slim because she doesn't overeat or overindulge in booze. I don't mind if she wants to eat tiny portions but the running commentary is irritating. Just eat what you want so we can talk about something interesting!

We had it again today. Met sisters for coffee. Stood choosing cake - plenty of gluten free options available.

"Ooh, I'm more sensitive than ever..."
"Really? Have you been indulging?"
"I did a bit, on holiday. My eyes swelled right up."
(Me)
"I can't have much dairy now either"
"Neither can I"
(Me) "I'll have a flat white and a massive piece of that cake there, thank you."