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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:
MaudlinNamechange · 14/08/2016 21:04

My MIL does this. I really couldn't care less how much or little she eats but OMG would you just SHUT UP about it. At home I put serving dishes on the table so she is forced to please herself with limited opportunity to moan about TOO MUCH FOOD, but when eating out I just feel like the moaning has ruined everything. you wouldn't moan about anything else, to everyone else's discomfort - you would either change it, by making a constructive comment to the staff like "could you shut the window please", or you would shut up about it. I don't know why it is considered to be acceptable to moan about this one thing.

when I was young and naive I used to point MIL to the starters or light bites section of the menu saying "you could always just have soup, if steak and chips is too much", but that's not the point. She wants steak and chips, she just wants to pretend she is being forced to eat it.

ChickenMe · 14/08/2016 21:04

Also-while we're about it-what's with older female relatives acting all delicate and bird like when eating. Just bloody well eat.
It's that chewing whilst trying to be silent about it, drinking without opening ones mouth, cutting something dead slow, laboured...

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 21:07

when I was young and naive I used to point MIL to the starters or light bites section of the menu saying "you could always just have soup, if steak and chips is too much", but that's not the point. She wants steak and chips, she just wants to pretend she is being forced to eat it

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 21:11

This one boils my piss:

the one who insists on everyone always going to an italian restaurant. Now italian food is nice, but its always the SAME one and not the most exciting italian in town either…
… anyway… once there… do they order something you can only get in an italian restaurant? fuck no! they order chips, salad and ice-cream.

anyway… somebody me cracks and insists on indian for a change next time.. the indian serves chips, salad AND ice-cream! WHAT LUCK! yet now, because the physical building is an indian and not an italian, there's "nothing I can eat"…

… figure that shit out? controlling & manipulating

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 14/08/2016 21:13

sandy Grin

Catisagit · 14/08/2016 21:15

SIL sharing out one m and s quiche and a bag of salad between six of us. We sneaked out later for a burger...we'd been travelling all a very long day...

We eat before we go to hers for tea now.

And she goes on and on about how much we eat and how much my DHs strapping 20 something sons eat, not fat but v tall.

She has food issues she has passed on to her kids, and she's not slim. I get that, but Luke do without the constant commenrary on my food choices.

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor · 14/08/2016 21:17

Not to mention "Oh we'd like to treat you to this meal. Now what's cheapest? I'll have a margarita pizza and a tap water please Waiter. You feel free to have anything you want though, honestly, it's just too much for us, we had a Rich Tea biscuit last Wednesday..."

OH FUCK OFF. I'LL HAVE THE LOBSTER.

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 21:20

A rich tea biscuit last Wednesday!! 😂😂😂

dustarr73 · 14/08/2016 21:22

SandyPantz im lmao at your posts.They are so funny.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/08/2016 21:27

"If you're given a normal/big portion you can chose to eat less without making a fuss"

Not if you were brought up to finish your plate or you worry about food waste.

Arborea · 14/08/2016 21:27

This thread reminds me of my DM, who is also prone to protest about not wanting 'big' portions, richness of the food etc (but can always fit in a bag of cheese and onion crisps after any given meal). She also has fixed ideas about various types of food being 'feminine' (fish, chicken, turkey) and therefore allowed, while there's a whole range of other 'not feminine' foods that you won't find her eating unless she hasn't a choice (red meat basically). I have no issue at all with people not liking the taste of something, but in her case I suspect that she's created lots of rules for herself about what is and isn't acceptable for a laydee to consume.

Such a shame to live life constrained that way (and like others have said she's yoyoed in size all my life, and used to make snide remarks that I would turn out to be a fat teenager. As it happens, she was wrong about that I became a chubby adult instead)

JurgenKlopp · 14/08/2016 21:28

My Dsis does this - always as a thinly veiled dig at me.

A recent example was when we went out for brunch last month for mum's birthday. Dsis and I eat had a small breakfast consisting of one slice of bacon, 1 sausage, an egg, baked beans and a slice of toast. Lovely, nicely filled me up. On our way back to the car she said how full she was and she wouldn't need to eat for the rest of the day. I saw her the next day and she made a point of telling me what her DCs had had for dinner the previous evening but that she hadn't eaten anything as she was sooooo full. She then repeated the story to mum.

She's slimmer than me but certainly not skinny. I think she feels superior to me as she knows I'm unhappy with my weight. I'm not particularly interested if she was genuinely full or scoffed herself at home, just think she's mean and very sad to go on about it.

RubbishMantra · 14/08/2016 21:31

"Please don't eat daughter's dinner, I'll whip you up something else if you're still hungry",

perhaps? Grin
SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 21:31

Not if you were brought up to finish your plate or you worry about food waste

Well that's still your choice.
and food waste issues don't really include some food left on your plate, it's more about stuff going off and never being consumed/cooked in the first place so something else is bought/cooked/consumed in its place.

JurgenKlopp · 14/08/2016 21:31

Oh yes, another thing she does is when we everyone round for a get together, people will go and help themselves to food and she will just sit there. If she does eventually get something, she'll get the tiniest amount and push it round her plate and deliberately not eat anything. She never compliments me on anything. At all.

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 21:33

Jurgen next time chip in "Really? How funny. A bit like me, except in my case I couldn't eat for 3 full days afterwards. And even then I just managed to choke down 3 peas".

Always go one better to highlight their dickheadishness.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 21:33

She's slimmer than me but certainly not skinny. I think she feels superior to me as she knows I'm unhappy with my weight. I'm not particularly interested if she was genuinely full or scoffed herself at home, just think she's mean and very sad to go on about it.

Often the ones who tell everyone that "we won't need dinner" spend the day "drinking their calories" - lots of sugary teas, and also picking at stuff.

I don't want 6 cups of sugary tea, I want my dinner! (bangs fists on table!)

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 21:34

she'll get the tiniest amount and push it round her plate and deliberately not eat anything either totally ignore or call her bluff "bloody hell that's quite a lot you've got there, are you going to be able to manage it all? It's very rich".

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 14/08/2016 21:35

I have the opposite issue - MIL is lovely but her portion sizes are insane to my mind. She will serve up 5 large roast potatoes (as in 2 and a half potatoes) for a portion and that's alongside mash, proper yorkshires (so I definitely want at least one) at least 3 types of veg and a whole load of meat.

Now I enjoy my food but I genuinely cannot eat everything she serves me and she takes offence at it every time and it takes away the enjoyment of the meal. I thought we'd come to a compromise when she switched to putting things in serving dishes but she commentated on everything I took "Oh Dodo, don't you like my mash? You don't need to watch your figure, we won't judge you for taking a proper helping"... It's so rude!

elphane · 14/08/2016 21:36

I always circumnavigate the "oh I'll just perch/stand here & eat my tiny portion" by refusing to eat until everyone's seated, with food in front of them. I think it's rude otherwise, but it also manages to stop the drama of being a martyr

JurgenKlopp · 14/08/2016 21:37

Herds you're right, I should say something like that but instead, I just make some polite reply and quietly die inside. Truth is, generally I'm a pretty strong, bubbly person but she is my Achilles heel and I feel like I'm such a failure when I'm with her. Gosh, this thread has brought out some strange feelings in me.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/08/2016 21:37

"Well that's still your choice. "

How the hell is it my choice to have been brought up to finish my plate? I try to ignore it, but it's quite ingrained. I've also been told off by fellow diners for not finishing my plate so it's much better to have the right portion size to begin with.

"food waste issues don't really include some food left on your plate"

Food waste is food waste. If I'm at home, I might leave something as left-over, but if you're eating at someone else's it will probably go into the bin unless they have pets.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 21:40

Now I enjoy my food but I genuinely cannot eat everything she serves me and she takes offence at it every time and it takes away the enjoyment of the meal

its all part of the same dynamic though isn't it? commenting on other people's eating rather than getting on with it and letting everyone enjoy whatever they are/arent eating. It's the same PA attention seeking "oh I cooked that all day are you not going to eat it, never mind" just using a different tack

RubbishMantra · 14/08/2016 21:40

^^ That was a meal idea for Arf. Or anyone else who has food refusers round for dinner, yet happy to eat everyone else's.

NapQueen · 14/08/2016 21:41

My DM does this to a lesser extent but I've since discovered it's because she hates waste. She insists on tiny portions because she will eat everything because she cannot bear waste.

So we go out she has a dinky salad. I leave a few chips and she eats them. The kids leave a sausage each and she eats them. She knows she does it so she orders small. Once she even didn't order at all and just hoovered up the leftovers.

She thinks it's wasteful to leave a bit of food on a plate but in fairness grew up at a time when every morsel was precious.

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