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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:
honeylulu · 15/08/2016 17:42

Remembered something else about my parents food habits that winds me up. They like to think they are quite posh (they aren't very) and are convinced that certain foods are "common" and not fit to pass their very posh lips. However when such food is available they do suddenly partake but with a running commentary about how awful it is
For example they are convinced barbecue food is common as muck so you get "oh those awful greasy burgers, they look revolting, oh you've cooked so much it's a shame to waste it, we'd better help you get rid of it, chomp chomp!"
See also chicken nuggets I'd prepared for young children guests .. Oh how disgusting .. why don't you feed them proper food ...I'll just try one to see what they're like ..."

youdontknowshit · 15/08/2016 17:46

Ha! My pils are similar, well mil really. But seeing as I've gone from a size 8 when I met dh, up to a 16, back to 12, teased an 18.....3 kids later she's lovely and gives me a 'similar' portion. But dh always get an extra spud on Sundays. Plus fil ALWAYS comments on whatever dessert I eat. Probably because it's never stopped at the one standard portion 🤔

Chwaraeteg · 15/08/2016 17:46

My MIL does this and after 8 years I still can't tell whether she:

a) has a tiny apettite.
b) is putting on some sort of attention seeking show of being ladylike or
c) is wineorexic (drinks half a bottle a night without fail).

I suspect it's not a.

The really annoying thing is that she insists on giving others similar portion sizes and glaring at you if you dare to eat more than she deems ladylike.

She also has a very irritating insistence on low fat Dairy Products e.g. snot butter, skimmed milk. Pisses me off.

Bizarrely, when I brought this up with my partner he said he'd never noticed.

Happyhippy45 · 15/08/2016 17:48

That sound annoying as fuck.
Family style dinner service. Solves the problem. Take as much or as little as you'd like. Have seconds (or thirds and fourths).........

Wherethefucksthefuckingtuna · 15/08/2016 17:48

Next time hand her the plate and say serve yourself because I know you're particular about your food.

Anmi0802 · 15/08/2016 17:48

Hahaha we always have a friend or someone like this...
I have a friend who insist she is thinner than me, which she isn't, and always when we go out she complains it's a lot of food, but end up eating a lot, and always tell me things like ( I'm cold and would wear your jumper, but for sure it doesn't fit me ) kkkkk
I find it hilarious Grin
I Can't believe she believes on that, and think everyone believe she doesn't eat.

ginghamstarfish · 15/08/2016 17:55

Ooh what an interesting thread. My PILS are like this, make a fuss about how they eat so little, yet they're always sneaking off to the kitchen for chocolate, biscuits etc, and when we take them out for a meal (at their insistence) they eat everything going, far more than me and DH and we're no lightweights.

dansmum · 15/08/2016 18:05

Why not just let them serve themselves? Maybe a quietish word before saying 'I know how you dont like a fuss over meals, so we are just going to serve ourselves..then people can get exactly what they prefer'. Alternatively plan visits that do not include shared meals. Yes it is annoying. But they probably dont realise that it gives you the red mist...

Unthoughtknown · 15/08/2016 18:10

Ah this does my head in! 'We don't tend to eat lunch' 'oh this is very naughty isn't it' 'I'll only have half of this and finish the rest tomorrow'. I find it a bit galling as I'm slim but with a massive appetite and I find it HARD to keep my weight under control. I just always answer comments with 'wow you're so lucky to have a small appetite I'd eat around the clock if I could'.

Kindlethefourth · 15/08/2016 18:27

MIL has done this for years. Cue everyone fussing 'what's wrong with your meal' and making her centre of attention. Now we all just ignore it and let the waiter take the plate away and no one comments. At all. It's only taken 20 years Grin

Postchildrenpregranny · 15/08/2016 18:36

Had lunch recently with friend who is hugely overweight I have not seen her for a while and was shocked She is not like most of us, in that she never mentions her weight ,but she cannot be unaware that she is on the verge of obesity (I am not sylphlike myself but this is a different order of fatness)
We had substantial (delicious)main course but ,as one does when eating out,the other three of us decided we would have pudding. .She asked if anyone wanted to share a pudding-me, I wanted a whole one !.And happily admitted I have no will power when eating out (I would add I have lost 10lbs recently ,slowly and steadily.Not boasting just fact )Her DH pointed out she could leave what she didn't want. I suggested she asked for a half portion .She ordered and ate a whole one .I'm not pointing the finger for that-I hate wasted food-but why go through the charade ?She also tried a bit of mine .
It is not a health /'gland' issue She does overeat and we suspect takes little exercise .

DunelmBrokeMe · 15/08/2016 18:36

My mum is like this in public but if she's home alone she'll eat a multipack of crisps without blinking. Her attitude to food really winds me up. She'll invite people for dinner but then not eat anything 'no, i'm fine, not hungry' etc. SO attention seeking!

GetTheVolvoVal · 15/08/2016 18:39

My Grandma is like this. she's a diabetic but a terrible one in that she'll buy cakes and biscuits, eat half the packet and then demand I take them home as they're TOO SWEET

She has fish and chips several times a week "But I never eat the batter!"

I remember my Mum struggling not to kill her at Christmas "Ooo just a small plate for me, no icing sugar on my mince pie, I'll have the chocolate sponge as it'll be less sweet than the Christmas pud" Hmm

cheapskatemum · 15/08/2016 18:52

I haven't read all 11 pages (sorry!), but I'm assuming most MNers know someone like this! Probably why people often say to me " I love it when you come to eat, you're so unfussy". If someone's been kind and good enough to cook it for me, I'll eat it - and as much of it as they're prepared to dish me up. Simple as.

INeedANameChange · 15/08/2016 19:10

I'm just Shock at the men's and women's portions!!!

That said when I serve up I do give DH more than I give myself. He'd still be hungry if he ate a normal sized portion so it's just easier that way.

All family dinners at our house are food in the middle of the table, get what you want, leftovers go in the fridge or freezer when we're done. Kids will usually eat between one and four plates. Fortunately none of my relatives are that precious!

karen2406 · 15/08/2016 19:12

In my house big plates are expected! People I invite (or invite themselves ) know this 😀
I do have a friend that wolfs her food like someone will snatch it away! Then complains of wind!!! 😨

Dontyoulovecalpol · 15/08/2016 19:14

Ha ha this drives me crazy with MIL. Out for dinner "why don't you and DH share a burgar don't?"

BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE MY OWN FUCKING BURGER NOT HALF OF HIS LIKE A FUCKING PAUPER

WashableBlue · 15/08/2016 19:15

In a previous life I had a mil who would harp on about how she couldn't possibly eat this or that because it was too "rich", which made feeding her a bloody nightmare, despite the fact that she had the appetite of a half starved labourer when it suited her. Just about the last time I saw her she had been invited - not by me - to Sunday lunch at our house and then proceeded with this tosh regarding the chocolate and Cointreau pudding that I had actually spent quite a bit of time putting together and which was frankly delicious. Unfortunately (or not, as may be the case) I had attempted to numb the pain of having this vile bitch in the house by consuming copious amounts of beer, wine, sherry, and anything else alcoholic I could lay my hands on, including about half the Cointreau. Being emboldened by the liquor I asked her very sweetly why the pudding was too "rich" for her, to which this pretentious cow replied that she had a "delicate constitution" (I swear those were her exact words!) and must avoid foods like that. "So you mean it's likely to give you the shits?" was my polite enquiry, which was greeted by a deathly hush, a glare from the soon-to-be-ex wife, the early departure of the foul relatives, and a deep sense of a job well done on my part.

limitedperiodonly · 15/08/2016 19:16

Some people - mostly women - do this. There are lots of reasons why they do and it isn't always because they hate you.

If you truly were a strong woman, you'd say: 'Very funny, now just give me some more meat and potatoes because I'm hungry, otherwise I'll have your throat out.' Wink

And yes, I do realise I'm going to be accused of being a humourless PO. I'm not, so I'm okay with it.

thenightsky · 15/08/2016 19:24

My dear departed mother always used to make a strange gulping sound, shake her head in an annoyed way and announce 'oooh a plate that size outfaces me... I'll never eat all that... take half of it away, it's making me feel sick just looking at it'.

She got better once DD was old enough to notice (about 3) and say...'why do you eat so little granny, but you are soooo fat'?

Grin
BanquoGhostie · 15/08/2016 19:24

Why didn't you ask for a doggy bag? I've been a few times to Gleneagles Hotel as it's 2 miles away and getting a doggy bag is the norm. You've paid for it - take it home and let kids/partners etc eat it!

2kids2dogsnosense · 15/08/2016 19:34

washable - Peeing myself laughing at your post!

Another type of person who gets on my mammary glands is the person who says "Oh - I couldn't possibly eat a whole mars bar."

WHAT! I have frequently consumed, at a single sitting, an entire multipack of mars bars. (I rarely enjoy the last three, but I eat them for the same reason that men climb Everest - "because it's there". Which actually makes me wonder why men rarely do the washing up - that's there, too. But I digress.)

I have a very healthy appetite. Good food is one of the great joys of life and I refuse to be made guilty about it. However, one of the wonderful things about food, is that it is often an opportunity to share the company of others - and if anyone makes me a meal, I eat the bugger! If there is something I don't much like, I would still eat it (except for parsnips which are food fit for neither man nor beast - even there I would have a forkful out of politeness) unless it actually made me sick.

When people have cooked for you, they are giving you more than just the food on your plate - they are extending hospitality and cherishing you, and have put time and effort into providing it for you - and it's bliddy bad manners to chuck it back in their faces by turning your nose up at it, or making a drama out of eating it.

I rarely have a meal made for me - if anyone on here wants to cook for me, I sweartogod I'll eat every scrap and probably ask for seconds (except for the parsnips. My parsnip place is full. Grin)

Tigermehhhhm · 15/08/2016 19:40

Urghh I have a relative like this and although the it drives me crazy, I'm more angry about the subtle messages it is giving my 5 year old daughter. 'I've eaten so much, I could be sick!' Is a frequent comment even though I've specifically asked her to be more mindful. Arghhg

harrypoooter · 15/08/2016 19:42

My mum does this and it drives me maaaaaad!

Constantly saying 'ooh I can't have that much, put it back' and 'this is about 3 weigh watchers points' 'back on my diet!' (She's average size).

Got to the point I've asked her to stop talking about her weight/diet in front of my daughter. Thing is, she always eats a completely normal portion size and pudding! It just is that she likes to be seen or heard to be concerned with weight. I don't get it!

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 15/08/2016 19:47

Oh YADNBU..... My DM is slightly different and will ask to try something then state that it is 'too rich' or 'too sweet' and leave it and it still really annoys me.
The other day:
Me: "Are there any of those lovely biscuits left that DSis baked?"
DM: "No, I had the last one."
Me: "Oh did you? Never mind."
DM: "Well... I tried it but it was too sweet for me so I gave it to the dog."
Me: Angry

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