To think it's not just me who doesn't like being stared at while partially dressed?

[lifeofsiam]

Dh and I were in what is supposed to be an over-14's only sauna/spa bath area.

A boy who looked significantly younger (about 12) sat on the edge of the jacuzzi steps staring at us the entire time. His mother and elder sibling stayed in the steam room, leaving him outside.

In the changing rooms, I spoke politely to the mother, saying she may not have seen the sign saying it is over -14's only, and also her son had stared at us the entire time, making us feel uncomfortable.

She became angry with me, said the boy was almost 14 and autistic- which is why he was staring.

Ok, we weren't to know that, and she was clearly very stressed.

She then muttered 'there's always one.'

I asked 'always one what ?'

'Always one who is uncomfortable being stared at.'

I didn't respond- I didn't want to argue with or antagonise another mother with a disabled child - but afterwards I thought how it's not just me who would feel uncomfortable and a lot of people, especially women and teenage girls wouldn't feel comfortable in those circumstances, either? And that I'm not 'only one' in that case?

We only have the OP's take on the conversation. And she of course has dropped the D bomb and long since buggered off.

I agree that there is a certain irony in NT people moaning about getting stared at. DS gets grown adults nudging one another (as well as other kids) and whispering about him. I might start berating them and explaining what accepted social norms are.

And then start threads about them

I am still here! You only have my side of it, of course, but I can assure you I have attempted to relay the conversation as accurately as possible.

I didn't start the thread to be goady or disabilist - for the record, I, and my DC, also have hidden disabilities.

The mother was quite aggressive with me, and I was seeking to find out if I am the only one who doesn't like being stared at while in a swimming pool. Once I knew about his disability, I could see why, and had the mother not buggered off in the spa, she could have told me that herself - I would instantly have understood.

But, without that information, I felt uncomfortable- and thought the boy was in an inappropriate situation because of his age.

It's a private club and I think the age rule is mainly to give adults peace and quiet in the spa area.

I don't think being a carer gives anyone carte blanche to behave, or speak to people, completely unchecked.

What would be an appropriate response if someone experiences sexually or physically inappropriate behaviour? 99% of the time they are going to be a pervy or aggressive twat, but what if they have SN or you're not sure?

And someone with SN can still be pervy or aggressive.

Of course an sn teen could be pervy. He could have right fancied the op and her dh but all he did was stare at them - which may not be great manners if you are nt but isn't against the law. I don't like how some are implying that the op was in some way vulnerable to this predatory figure. I can't see how a child who looked about 12 staring could make an adult who was in the company of another adult feel 'uncomfortable'. It could be slightly annoying maybe but then if the op wasn't choosing to look at the child pretty regularly then she wouldn't have to be bothered by the staring.

To be honest why was he left there on his own? It could easily have been a very uncomfortable situation for him.