To think it's not just me who doesn't like being stared at while partially dressed?

[lifeofsiam]

Dh and I were in what is supposed to be an over-14's only sauna/spa bath area.

A boy who looked significantly younger (about 12) sat on the edge of the jacuzzi steps staring at us the entire time. His mother and elder sibling stayed in the steam room, leaving him outside.

In the changing rooms, I spoke politely to the mother, saying she may not have seen the sign saying it is over -14's only, and also her son had stared at us the entire time, making us feel uncomfortable.

She became angry with me, said the boy was almost 14 and autistic- which is why he was staring.

Ok, we weren't to know that, and she was clearly very stressed.

She then muttered 'there's always one.'

I asked 'always one what ?'

'Always one who is uncomfortable being stared at.'

I didn't respond- I didn't want to argue with or antagonise another mother with a disabled child - but afterwards I thought how it's not just me who would feel uncomfortable and a lot of people, especially women and teenage girls wouldn't feel comfortable in those circumstances, either? And that I'm not 'only one' in that case?

I think most of us on this thread have been that mum at some point.

On a slightly unrelated note, I have decided that I don't care what people think of me anymore.

Screw those people on the bus. Screw everyone else who has ever judged me or made fun of me.

I have every right to be weird. I'm not hurting anyone.

Yes toad !

Where those headphones with pride and everyone else can go fuck themselves

The difference is as a mum when you
Feel your child is being judged is triple/ quadruple the hurt than you ever feel being judged yourself. Which can lead to defensive responses.

But obviously that is nothing like a lady in swimwear feeling on edge by a child looking at her!

Thank you Navy... You actually seem to be one of the very few that see the bigger picture here!

Yes but Spotty what if she felt more than on edge? Everyone's feelings are valid, if it was me I would be crying and I'm also the mother of an ASD child and I think in certain situations supervision is key and the mother was "snappy" because she knew she should have been doing that and took it out on OP

Why would anyone feel more than 'on edge' when a child is looking at you in a hot tub?

... Or she was watching the child from a distance because the child refused to come in or some other circumstance.

If you really have not experienced staring or judgement you are really lucky!

I will add I have never left my daughter more than an arms width away from me but still get judgement, stares and comments.

My issue here is so many people saying how valid the OP was at feeling upset at being stared at by a child & then a parent being snarky when I & my daughter deal with staring by adults & comments by adults regularly and yet it appears to be acceptable.

Newspaper is autistic Spotty.

I know she is - but as I said what you feel for your child is triple/ quadruple what you feel for yourself

My post was more in reply to this part of your post Spotty

Why would anyone feel more than 'on edge' when a child is looking at you in a hot tub?

I was saying Newspaper has autism so might find things which aren't a big deal to other people upsetting.

Well the OP did say she had an invisible disability. She didn't specify what that was though.

Oh, FFS.

" I do think the mum should appreciate people, especially women and girls, generally feel uncomfortable being stared at if they don't know the circumstances"

Yes, the Mum, presumably is a woman. You are a grown adult who was with your DH. What on earth did you think was going to happen? Were there any teenaged girls present? Feeling uncomfortable? You haven't mentioned them, so your bosom hoiking (in your partially clothed swimwear) is all on behalf of an absent 'other', and you chose to get pompous with the mother?

Did you expect that membership of a private club would buy you a SEN-free environment?

And why can't people just act in a relaxed, friendly manner? OP, sorry if this is an area you find hard, but you were able to talk to the Mum in an assertive way - what about saying to the young man 'Hello - are you looking at me?'.

And I would hope Newspaper with autism would be more understanding if a child with autism stared at her as she appears to be quite 'able ' 'high functioning'

What on earth made you think it was appropriate to assume what level of disability I had based on text? None of which described my symptoms other than crying and being overloaded when being looked at.

You clearly know nothing about autism if you think I can override my natural response and be more understanding to someone that I wouldn't know has SN. I'm afraid your contradictions are a bit bonkers.

You can't defend one SN person by saying they can't help it but then ask another with the same condition to control themselves!

In fact I'm utterly horrified you just told a disabled person that they are "able". And have reported the comment.

Yes I can -

If you can feel an articulate that anxiety then I would hope you could acknowledge that anxiety or difficulty in others!

Since you can read and type you are clearly in the 'higher functioning' aspect of autism.

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