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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not invited to weddings with partner

116 replies

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:35

Hi,

I am reaching that age when everybody around me is getting married, as is my dp of around one year (but off and on longer than that).

I have been feeling a bit sensitive and left out of his life and circles of friends as I have not been invited to any of the weddings he will be attending/has attended recently (around seven in total). At first I just brushed it off although I was slightly offended, but now I am beginning to question why I am being left out of so many invitations.

I always thought that if someone was in a relationship, out of courtesy you would extend the invitation to them as well even if you do not know them so well.

I am also paranoid that maybe it is simply that they don't know of my existence. If so this doesn't look positive for our relationship going forwards. He doesn't express an opinion on whether or not I should be invited he just tells me he is going to a wedding.

Any thoughts on plus one etiquette?

OP posts:

Overthinker2016 · 13/08/2016 20:37

Have you met his friends?

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

miraclebabyplease · 13/08/2016 20:39

Each guests costs a lot of money. I wouldn't invite someone I didn't know, especially if they had only been together for a year. From a year I would have expected to meet a partner. If they aren't close enough to me that I have met them then I am not spending £100 on their dinner.

miraclebabyplease · 13/08/2016 20:39

*I have not met

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:41

I have met some of his friends in situations like the pub but not often. We split up and since we got back together we have mainly been just spending time together. He won't update Facebook to in a Relationship as claims it is childish. This is why I am wondering how many of his friends especially old uni friends etc even know I exist.

OP posts:

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:42

In addition to the day and evening weddings, he has been invited to a few evening dos and I still haven't been invited along.

OP posts:

coffeeslave · 13/08/2016 20:44

I'm impressed he's been invited to seven weddings in a year! Does he have a lot lot lot of friends?

Overthinker2016 · 13/08/2016 20:44

I'm surprised that even if you are not invited all day you are not invited to the reception (which doesn't cost much).

It makes me wonder if he is passing you off as someone he is seeing casually whereas you refer to him as your partner.

If it was one wedding you were invited to fair enough but seems a bit weird you've not been invited to 7 weddings.

Weddings can be a bore mind you so you are probably not missing much

Overthinker2016 · 13/08/2016 20:45

Have you seen the invites?

Was he invited with a plus one but hasn't taken you along?

PatriciaHolm · 13/08/2016 20:45

They clearly don't know about you, or think you are a short term fixture/fling. He's not told anyone anything else I'm afraid. If you've been on/off, and he hasn't told friends anything different, their assumption is that you are not a serious partner.

sooperdooper · 13/08/2016 20:45

If you don't know the couples well I imagine they just don't feel like offering a plus one when you're not close - it costs a lot to add extra people to weddings. Don't take it personally, it's more likely financial or because their venues have limited space

Do you live with your dp? Some people only view relationships as serious if they live together

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:46

He does have a few big circles of friends (work, sports groups, uni, school) and as I say we are at that age when lots of people are getting married around us.

Yes that is what I am starting to think too

OP posts:

Nobodysproblem · 13/08/2016 20:46

It's very expensive to add one guests sometimes- if it's not clear its v serious, that might be why?

We're only inviting to ours, long term partners of guests we like/people we'd invite even if they were not dating so-and-so.

If these people were having grand weddings with no expense spared, other guests getting plus ones etc. Then I'd be concerned. If not leave them to it :)

Me and my DP have been together 6 yrs and I wasn't invited to a wedding he was invited to last year as it was a small do and I wasn't fussed!

CotswoldStrife · 13/08/2016 20:46

It does sound a little odd. When you describe your relationship as 'off and on' is that more than one breakup? Just wondering if they think there is a chance that you will be in an 'off' stage frequently?

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:46

His invites that I have seen are addressed to him only. He pins them on his fridge and no mention of a plus one.

OP posts:

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:47

The weddings tend to be fairly grand affairs. The last one had 400 guests!!!

OP posts:

Nannawifeofbaldr · 13/08/2016 20:48

Are you living together?

It doesn't sound like his friends know about you tbh.

Why not organise a night out with his friends or host a bbq to get to know them.

If he doesn't want to do that you'll have to ask why.

Dozer · 13/08/2016 20:49

Why and for how longbwas your relationship "on and off"?

zoobeedoo · 13/08/2016 20:50

My ex husband used to not pass on invitations to me as the plus one to weddings, work nights out (partners invited), casual nights out. I thought it was because he was ashamed of me or embarrassed by me, although there was no rational reason for him to be. It turned out he was shagging a number of colleagues and locals in the area he worked (cop). Dick head. Don't settle for someone who doesn't want to show you off.

WiFiFoFum · 13/08/2016 20:50

Sounds like he's making it all sound v casual to his friends.

Nobodysproblem · 13/08/2016 20:52

400 guests?!? wow. Maybe others don't see the relationship as 'serious'- does your boyfriend see your relationship as a serious long term one?

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:52

We were casual for around 6 months then had a break then got back together and over the year has become more serious (well to me anyway)

OP posts:

navylily · 13/08/2016 20:53

I would think it rude not to invite someone's partner if they live together, but not if they don't. Though for evening dos then it ought to be fine.

Does sound to me that he doesn't (yet) see the relationship as as permanent as you do. And exactly how is it "childish" to list someone as a BF/GF on FB? Youngsters i know on FB make up a load of rubbish and claim to have 6 wives, but all the older people i know list their partner as their partner.

newname99 · 13/08/2016 20:53

When you split up did it end acrimoniously? I just wonder if you were blamed? It does seem to suggest he doesn't talk about you.I think I understand the FB thing as long as he doesn't post other stuff.

Your instinct is telling you something, listen

Original poster

Angelic999 · 13/08/2016 20:54

When he told me about that I was a bit hurt. Especially as his friends as their admittedly long term partners were invited. I don't understand why he would prefer to go alone but he just says the invite is for him only and it's rude to enquire further.

OP posts:

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