To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?

[FruitCider]

I've been away for just under a week volunteering abroad and got home this morning. My mother in law (reverend) has been to stay with my partner whilst I went away. I'm completely atheist, partner is agnostic. MIL tried to give me a nativity set at Christmas for DD and a book full of bible stories, I declined and said I didn't want my daughter exposed to religion by people with a bias to a particular religion until she was 7/8.

I've come home today and my 3.5yo DD is continuously talking about Jesus, how God made the planet and told me I should thank god that my journey was safe. My partner says MIL had not mentioned religion when he was at home but he had to leave DD with MIL on Tuesday and Thursday whilst he went to work.

I'm absolutely RAGING! AIBU to be this angry? I literally want to banish MIL from my house and tell her she is not allowed contact with my DD for the foreseeable future.

Also is my DD likely to forget about God as she grows up if it's not mentioned again? Or is she now indoctrinated forever?

Sorry to those who may find this post offensive, I just wanted my DD to make her own mind up when she was old enough to understand that religion is a belief and there is no firm evidence for a God. She could have decided herself to be a Christian and I would have accepted that.

So do you get DD gifts at Christmas? When she asks will you tell her Santa is not real and all her friends beliefs are wrong?

So why can't your kid know that her gran believes in her religion?

Why do you think it's either balanced, factual or unbiased to expect a reverend to pretend to your DD that they don't believe their religion is fact?

August, there's no need to be so nasty. Yes, I have talked to my children about other stuff like scientology as well. Why wouldn't I?

I hope that one day, when my children are older and get around to it, they will ask my Muslim friend (or one of our many other Muslim neighbours) when she decided that she really believed. I have already asked her. It was after she had courageously run away from a forced marriage involving life threatening domestic violence, and been rejected by a large part of her religious community for daring to protect her children. Despite all this, she follows Islam, has started praying five times a day again, and found strength in her faith. Who am I to question this. Who are you to question this.

Get off your high horse.

How many secular schools are there in the uk? Google is giving me nothing.

There are none.

blink

That is what I thought.

I was just curious about the op's instance that her child will be going to a secular school. If she lives in France, that is a given. If she is UK based, it seems extremity unlikely.

Your daughter is going to be in contact with people who believe and say a variety of things and just because you are her parent that does not mean you can control whatever anyone else in the world says to your daughter- MIL or not. You can't control what she says but you can teach your child what you believe. I think you are overreacting after all your MIL is a reverend I imagine she uses religious language as a matter of course.

Noonesfool thanks

extremely unlikely.

By secular school I meant ones that dodge the daily act of worship. Sorry that wasn't clear!

For an atheist you sound very . . . fundamentalist.

MIL was probably out of line. But are you sure your DD didn't ask about something that led to it? Also your MIL may have said something like, "I will be thankful when your mother gets home from her journey safely," which wasn't intended to indoctrinate and frankly you can't forbid. If she spends time with a religious person she will pick stuff up. Our job as parents is to help them sort it all out. When DD asks about Jesus I tell her some people believe the stories are really true and some don't, but that even people who don't believe think the stories have important messages (about peace, sharing).

We have raised nearly 7yr old DD1 with no religion whatsoever and let me warn you -- she is very interested. She wants to know about what kids do at Sunday school, what Jesus is about, etc. So far I tell her she can go to church if she wants but she would have to get up like for school on Sunday. :D

There is still a requirement that schools do collective worship. We have to have a policy.
There is scope to abide by the policy but talk largely about values rather then Christianity.
Most school ensure a balance of different religious views.

Why do you think it's either balanced, factual or unbiased to expect a reverend to pretend to your DD that they don't believe their religion is fact?

I would expect MIL to say she believes in her faith and not present it as fact as she tried to with me - "and I know it's true because it says it in the bible". However if she said "I believe in this because it says it in the bible" I wouldn't have a problem with this at all.

It's okay, your dd will believe you over your MIL. Just explain to her that not everybody believes that stuff and that you think it is all made up. People will tell your dd all sorts of stuff and learning to distinguish truth from garbage is an important skill.

I say this as a very enthusiastic churchgoer, btw. Even religious people have to have this discussion with their kids, as there are a wide range of beliefs within the church. Recently my ds came home and told me that he had learned that the holy spirit was a fire, and I told him that it was actually not, and that in fact it was something much more subtle. That was quite a complicated discussion, but it's much the same one as you will be having. I just do it with my believer hat on.

I suspect that hitherto your dd has not been of an age to say much about what the nursery did around Christmas. But maybe it is a rare place who makes no mention of it.
I assume your mil is not c of e? The majority of Christians in the UK believe in evolution, a young earth Christian will be very far from your own beliefs.

Do you celebrate any Christian festivals with your child OP eg Christmas and Easter? If yes, then you are a raging hypocrite.

Oh just seen your side step about Christmas. Very convenient that you have rewritten history so you can have a turkey and a stocking- all in the name of paganism ey?

Good luck hiding her from the rest of the world & all the other gods they worship out there.

Just because you believe something who is to say your daughter has to be the same? Why can't she take an interest in others & their beliefs? She is 3 so I doubt it will make any impact on her.

Is anyone else thinking "indoctrination" is a bit strong?

FWIW, OP, I'd be very cross as well. I'm agnostic but I think the religion thing is a bit of a straw man here - you've made it clear to your MIL that you don't want your daughter indoctrinated with a set of beliefs and she's deliberately ignored your wishes and laid it on thick while you're away. It's inappropriate, and I'd be having words.

Iggi she's Methodist.

So if she takes your kids for a toddle out near her home, and they bump into a neighbour whose husband had a heart attack, she must not say:
"please god let him be okay, he'll be in my prayers"
she must say:
"I hope the god, that I and not others believe in, keeps him safe, and although others don't believe in prayer, I will pray for him"
That would be logical okay?

this is insane. Your DD knows someone who has a strong faith, this is NOT a problem for your average atheist

I was asked to send some Christmas Carol CDs to an uncle for his kids. They all live in the ME in a theocracy and are all Muslim. Nobody 'caught the Jesus' as far as I know.

Why are knickers so well and truly twisted when it comes to religion? It's a few Bible studies, not fgm for goodness sake. Unless she has tied her to a chair in a cell and is sleep depriving her whilst playing a recording of the Lord's prayer on loop for hours on end.

Ok so I'd not be overly impressed with the 'the world is 6000 years old' thing but like to think that I can discuss why I don't believe that with a three and a half year old.

Methodist is, as I understand it, one of the less moderate branches of Christianity.

All schools have to do daily worship though, it is a legal requirement. They can make as much or as little of it as they choose though, I suppose.

The Christmas example was a poor one to be honest. I'm really tired having drive back from Calais today. I'm just really upset that MIL has gone against my wishes but understand the strength of my feelings is unreasonable. I've calmed down a bit now anyway - I think the gin has helped with that

Regardless or not of whom you arranged to babysit your DD whilst your DH was working, I repeat, as you are so enraged and untrusting of your MIL you won't be leaving her unattended to babysit in the future?