To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?

[FruitCider]

I've been away for just under a week volunteering abroad and got home this morning. My mother in law (reverend) has been to stay with my partner whilst I went away. I'm completely atheist, partner is agnostic. MIL tried to give me a nativity set at Christmas for DD and a book full of bible stories, I declined and said I didn't want my daughter exposed to religion by people with a bias to a particular religion until she was 7/8.

I've come home today and my 3.5yo DD is continuously talking about Jesus, how God made the planet and told me I should thank god that my journey was safe. My partner says MIL had not mentioned religion when he was at home but he had to leave DD with MIL on Tuesday and Thursday whilst he went to work.

I'm absolutely RAGING! AIBU to be this angry? I literally want to banish MIL from my house and tell her she is not allowed contact with my DD for the foreseeable future.

Also is my DD likely to forget about God as she grows up if it's not mentioned again? Or is she now indoctrinated forever?

Sorry to those who may find this post offensive, I just wanted my DD to make her own mind up when she was old enough to understand that religion is a belief and there is no firm evidence for a God. She could have decided herself to be a Christian and I would have accepted that.

Well good luck with THAT OP, since you sound very disproportionately biased against Christianity, and not at all coming from a balanced POV

OP you are massively overreacting. You just need to tell your DD that some people believe in God, but many others do not. Teach her tolerance for ALL viewpoints and religions.
You are being way over the top in banning the MIL

Would it be so bad if she grew up believing? I ask that as an atheist. Your husband must have had a religious upbringing and he must be ok because you married him.

But you can't always have what you want OP
Your child has been born into a Christian family as it sounds like your dh is a believer and she will go to nursery? school? Watch tv etc.
It isn't something you can control I'm afraid.
What are you going to do, be with mil all the time she is with dd? Every time she mentions God, come back with a reply.
wouldn't it be better to educate her yourself, how you want to and let mil tell her what she wants, then child makes up own mind.
You really are sweating the small stuff.
I'm sorry but as a pp suggested, you sound unhinged.

YABU and OTT with talk of banning MIL contact. You are influencing your DD just as much with your own atheist views. But she needs to hear opposition views. She will make up her own mind as she gets older. You can't indoctrinate a child of 3 as they don't understand. She understands as much as she does a nursery rhyme. You shouldn't be trying to hide all religion until she is 7/8. I can't see what that will achieve nor will it work unless you homeschool and keep her away from other families.

and in future can she avoid talking about religion with my DD unless one of her parents is present

Nope!

HANG ON! She is a REVEREND! Her faith will come up in conversation if she's out and about near her home, if she's on the phone, if a grandchild asks her what her job is..

you CANNOT ask a reverend not to speak of her faith!

If you don't want it to happen without you present, then you'll just have to always be present and not take advantage of babysitting offers!

And does your DPs agnostic views count at all, or is it atheism or the highway for your children?

I'd be careful with that conversation. You do not know how the subject came about and what she told your DD. Ask her first about it.
Don't start by telling her what happened and to not do it again.

And do get what your OH thinks of this all first too.

Op raise a questioning intelligent child the scales will fall from eyes, unless they want to be part of the tribal group side of religion, it can be a comfort but for the belief in god side....of course your dd isnt scared for life, just dont go on about it, and as she grows up - just say " that is what grandma believes but mummy does not"

this way it will always be her choice rather than the usual indoctrination from birth which is how most religions pass on the baton

Are you planning on sending your daughter to school?

No you weren't or you'd have said working or abroad. Volunteering tells us ur a v good person. Go on, own it, you're a good person.

If I had said I was working abroad, someone would have popped up and said "hang on I thought you posted on Sunday about volunteering?" Honesty is the best policy I always feel. I could have been volunteering doing anything, voluntary work isn't always positive!

I can see why you are upset because she didnt adhere to your wishes but i dont think its worth cutting her off for. I was raised Catholic in quite an intense manner but i dont follow that religion now. It doesnt really matter and she would come across these ideas in school. Best thing to do is just calmly discuss your views on the matter with her. But if she insists on talking about God all the time as she might because shes a child and it may be a pretty and interesting idea for her, then just leave her to it, its very unlikely shell become some sort of religious zealot. She will probably just forget all about it in a few weeks. Id just try and not make a big deal out of it. x

Well good luck with THAT OP, since you sound very disproportionately biased against Christianity, and not at all coming from a balanced POV

You are very wrong. I dislike the thought of my daughter being indoctrinated into any religion equally, MIL happens to be a Christian.

You are very wrong. I dislike the thought of my daughter being indoctrinated into any religion equally, MIL happens to be a Christian

Then what was all that about turning away nativity sets while embrassing the parts of christmas that originates from non christian religions?

And does your DPs agnostic views count at all, or is it atheism or the highway for your children?

DP and I had a very open conversation about religion before we had a child. DP doesn't want my daughter to be indoctrinated or to be forced to take part in any religious activities as he was and he hated it. We came to a mutual decision on how we were going to educate our child about religion.

indoctrination takes years, layer upon layer of thought suppressed. I am with you on the mil front, its not nice to your views she has done this, but on the other hand really not surprising. I would be furious if I believed in God mil took it upon herself to say he isnt real.

However your naive if you think a few hours with someone talking about god is going to turn a 3 year old into a religious nut case.

But she's not been "indoctrinated"

Someone who believes that Christian god exists, says that Christian god exists.

That is not indoctrination

Was you DP not at home the week the MIL visited? how did he seem when you got back? happy with how the week had gone?

Then what was all that about turning away nativity sets while embrassing the parts of christmas that originates from non christian religions?

My point was, Christmas has not always been a Christian celebration so there is no need to involve nativity sets. If my MIL was for example a Muslim and tried to give my daughter a Qur'an around the time of Ramadan, I would reject that too. I want my daughters exposure to religion to be unbiased.

I notice the OP is ignoring any questions about nursery and school.

Santa?
Yes? No?

YAB a little bit U. It's maddening but seriously your child will not be affected long term. My DCs have all either attended or are attending a C of E infant school, DC1 and 2 (now senior and junior level) no longer really mention God and DC3 had me in stitches a few months back when he told me in the car that (and I'm quoting here) "God isn't real and the teachers are telling me a load of nonsense" (he's 6). I've never discussed religious beliefs with my DCs, they've learnt about it in school and then decided for themselves.

But of an extreme reaction op...

I really don't get the angst. I am atheist but my parents are Christian. I am happy for my kids to go to church, have bible stories in the house & learn about Christianity as I think they should respect my parents beliefs & it's good for them to understand why Christmas is celebrated etc. Perhaps it's easier for me to feel they are not being indoctrinated as my in-laws are Hindu so they learn about that too. We also live opposite a mosque to give a full range of options!

My daughter goes to a secular nursery. She will be going to a secular school, and when I apply for a school I will be questioning how their collective act of daily worship is carried out.

Does that answer your question?