To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?

[FruitCider]

I've been away for just under a week volunteering abroad and got home this morning. My mother in law (reverend) has been to stay with my partner whilst I went away. I'm completely atheist, partner is agnostic. MIL tried to give me a nativity set at Christmas for DD and a book full of bible stories, I declined and said I didn't want my daughter exposed to religion by people with a bias to a particular religion until she was 7/8.

I've come home today and my 3.5yo DD is continuously talking about Jesus, how God made the planet and told me I should thank god that my journey was safe. My partner says MIL had not mentioned religion when he was at home but he had to leave DD with MIL on Tuesday and Thursday whilst he went to work.

I'm absolutely RAGING! AIBU to be this angry? I literally want to banish MIL from my house and tell her she is not allowed contact with my DD for the foreseeable future.

Also is my DD likely to forget about God as she grows up if it's not mentioned again? Or is she now indoctrinated forever?

Sorry to those who may find this post offensive, I just wanted my DD to make her own mind up when she was old enough to understand that religion is a belief and there is no firm evidence for a God. She could have decided herself to be a Christian and I would have accepted that.

You can't just expect your child not to hear about religion! That's inevitable and if you want her to make her own choices, you have to explain that there are choices. What do you do when she points at a church and asks what it is? Or when a friend at nursery is talking about all the presents they've received for a religious festival? Or when she asks where humans came from? Keeping a child in ignorance will only lead to other people filling the information gap.

My dd was baptised and confirmed and did an A level in religious studies.....and she's an atheist now.....get a grip!

CPtart Sat 13-Aug-16 20:29:20

She provided two days free childcare for you.

No, she didn't. OP had arranged things with her SIL, and MIL decided to join in.

OP, keep chatting with your DD as others have said "we believe this, others believe that". It will cover most stuff. And a polite call to your MIL to discuss it should be enough.

Does your DD believe in Father Christmas?
Is she going to believe in him for the rest of her life?

Yabu. If ur afraid to have ur dd exposed to anything other than what u believe then ur never going to be able to leave her. And ur mil is a reverend...? I think you may have been looking for a reason to remove her from ur dds life.

Just tell your dd about other religions and beliefs, tell her what you believe and why, and leave it. I'm sure your dd will be capable of making up her own mind in time on what she believes. It may or may not fall in line with your beliefs. She is her own person after all. No biggie. No need to be raging about it...

Think you're stuffed, OP. Your infant daughter has undoubtedly been indoctrinated to within an inch of her life, bless her!
You sound fun and relaxed.

I'd be pissed too. It would be the same if a MIL ignored any requests / wishes of her DIL, like feeding a child meat who is usually vegetarian / swearing in front of your children / talking about sex/death etc with your child !

Am I the only one interested in what the childs father thinks/wants, he was actually there when the MIL stayed wasn't he?

What if he actually wants his child to understand what it is his mother does all day? I would if it was my mother? even though I'm not a Christian myself.

I also think declining the nativity set etc was just rude and it presumably was for ur did not u. She may have enjoyed playing with it. My ds used to include the baby Jesus figure in his power ranger games...along with Red Ranger etc...

Thanks for telling us that you were volunteering abroad. If u were religious, would that make u a bit like a pharisee??

Think u should relax a bit

Have you indoctrinated her into believing in Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy too? Kids believe different things at different times. My daughter reads the bible. She's also read about various buddhist, hindu and sikh stories. Give her options don't hide things from her

Well, if MIL can overcome 3 and a half years of atheistic indoctrination in just two days, she is a shoe-in for next Archbishop of Canterbury

That's it she's spoiled now, you'll need to send her back.

Really - there are worse things in the world that can happen to a child. You can't pretend relgion doesn't exist and I'm sure ages not 'caught the God'. What about Christmas and Easter? And when she's at school and they celebrate Diwali, Eid, Passover... how do you explain grandmas dog collar and job?

Teach her tolerance and respect for other people's beliefs. That's the best thing you can do.

like feeding a child meat who is usually vegetarian / swearing in front of your children

not really comparable:
An athiest can hear about God from dawn to dusk and still be an atheist
A vegitarian can't eat meat and still be vegitarian

At your DD's age stories about God and Jesus are on the same level as Father Christmas and fairies. Children do not retain a belief in those when they become old enough to distinguish between fact and fiction. My DD and my DGD both enjoyed stories about the nativity when they were trotted out at school etc at Christmas both both chose not to follow any religious belief when they got to about 12 or so and haven't even experimented by attending church since.
Adults don't understand who/what caused the creation of the universe so don't expect your little one to try to work it out. She'll parrot what she's told and then if the info isn't repeated she'll forget it. Just don't react and let whatever she says fall on deaf ears and she'll drop it sooner.
To indoctrinate a child with religion you need to put a lot of energy into it and make tenents of faith a part of everyday life. For example, most adherents to Islam pray 5 times a day and refer to to their beliefs constantly, eat only halal food, dress in a certain way and tell their DDs to act modestly -- that is why their faith is so strong. Ditto Orthodox Jews. Roman Catholics used to bring their children up this way and some Christian sects still do.
BTW your DH is agnostic and presumably was brought up in a religious household.
Relax and enjoy your bright little DD

I'm surprised that your MIL is a reverend and you're an atheist. I wouldn't have thought that would work for your DH.

I don't believe in god but I do want Dd open to understanding other people faiths and cultures. There's nothing wrong wih her having bible stories or an ark but I would make sure she has access to other religious stories too, she will look at them at school and even Nursery anyway.

Thanks for telling us that you were volunteering abroad.

Blimey I was only explaining where I was! No need to be so rude.

Ok, I get the impression my feelings are a bit over board. When I've calmed down I'll ring MIL and explain I'm not happy as my DD has picked up MILs beliefs as fact, and in future can she avoid talking about religion with my DD unless one of her parents is present as I would like her to learn about all faiths in a non biased way.

I'm surprised that your MIL is a reverend and you're an atheist. I wouldn't have thought that would work for your DH.

My FIL was a preacher. We are able to discuss religion very openly, it doesn't cause any problems.

I can see why you are angry - your MIL did disrespect your wishes - but you really needn't worry that your DD has been turned into a religious person for life. My DDs both went to a C of E primary - it was the only show in town. I'm atheist, DH is a believer who is fervently opposed to organised religion. My DDs both went through a very Christian phase in the first few years of school, but we discussed religion at home in a 'some people believe' way regularly. DD1 is now a pagan, DD2 is an atheist. Your MIL won't change what your DD ends up being, she will choose for herself.

No you weren't or you'd have said working or abroad. Volunteering tells us ur a v good person. Go on, own it, you're a good person.