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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?

510 replies

FruitCider · 13/08/2016 19:51

I've been away for just under a week volunteering abroad and got home this morning. My mother in law (reverend) has been to stay with my partner whilst I went away. I'm completely atheist, partner is agnostic. MIL tried to give me a nativity set at Christmas for DD and a book full of bible stories, I declined and said I didn't want my daughter exposed to religion by people with a bias to a particular religion until she was 7/8.

I've come home today and my 3.5yo DD is continuously talking about Jesus, how God made the planet and told me I should thank god that my journey was safe. My partner says MIL had not mentioned religion when he was at home but he had to leave DD with MIL on Tuesday and Thursday whilst he went to work.

I'm absolutely RAGING! AIBU to be this angry? I literally want to banish MIL from my house and tell her she is not allowed contact with my DD for the foreseeable future.

Also is my DD likely to forget about God as she grows up if it's not mentioned again? Or is she now indoctrinated forever?

Sorry to those who may find this post offensive, I just wanted my DD to make her own mind up when she was old enough to understand that religion is a belief and there is no firm evidence for a God. She could have decided herself to be a Christian and I would have accepted that.

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 14/08/2016 09:26

I meant to put publically or privately above^

Lweji · 14/08/2016 09:30

"You are welcome in my house, God isn't" might be appropriate.

Actually, I'd say the opposite. I'd be happier to welcome in my home all sorts of religions and religious messages, than a person like this.

I do agree with the partner problem.
Why did you have to argue so much about your pain?
What is his take on his mother and how she treats you and people in general?

happyvalley4 · 14/08/2016 09:33

This is what my MIL got my daughter for her birthday. My DH and I are both atheists...

To be angry that MIL may have indoctrinated my child?
Original poster
FruitCider · 14/08/2016 09:36

This is all such a strange combination of the bizarre and the mundane.

I think I just dislike her that much it manifests itself in all sorts of ways, including being angry that I have to bleach my mug so I can have a drink after I come home from my night shift. Actually after writing that I'm bloody angry again!

OP posts:
dancetilldawn · 14/08/2016 09:37

dancetilldawn MIL was not talking to her child here
Who the heck was she talking to then?

Lweji · 14/08/2016 09:37

It's biographical. :)

Original poster
FruitCider · 14/08/2016 09:40

HappyValley oh no! What did you do with it?

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 14/08/2016 09:45

Wow fruit. Has she ever apologised for how she spoke to you?

She clear,y has no respect for you, and this has been shown again in her ignoring your wishes and her imposing her medieval beliefs on your child. Honestly, I'd use that as the perfect excuse to say she can't be trusted around your DD. Your DH can go and visit whenever he likes.

Agree with others saying teaching her science and critical thinking is the best approach to protect her against other religious indoctrination, which is all around. Even in my kids' supposedly non religious school they have a revolting group come in once a month and teach bible stories as fact and insist the children pray. I've removed my kids from it as they were getting upset by being told off by this bunch of loons for refusing to pray.

MargotsDevil · 14/08/2016 09:51

You have to bleach the mug after it's been used over the course of one day? Hmm misses point of thread

sashh · 14/08/2016 09:55

There are a few stories of him being kind to prostitutes, and telling other folk they had no right to judge.

There are in modern Bibles, but go back to the first texts and that's not there. I think it was added about 500 years after they had the meeting to decide what should be in the Bible and what should not.

Original poster
FruitCider · 14/08/2016 09:58

You have to bleach the mug after it's been used over the course of one day?

Clearly you have never seen a mug after someone has drank 10 black teas out of it consecutively without washing it in between...

OP posts:
catkind · 14/08/2016 10:00

Scourers work fine to clean manky mugs. Even the ones at work that haven't been washed for months. (Was my job once as a summer student!) Bleach just hides the dirt, and then you need to rinse 15 times to make sure you don't get Ajax flavoured tea.

Gottagetmoving · 14/08/2016 10:01

You both sound completely bonkers.
Your child will be affected by that more than they will by a few bible stories. Hmm

bloomburger · 14/08/2016 10:07

She's 3, please don't worry that this indoctrination will shape her future beliefs.

My eldest DD went to catholic primary school, I'm Catholic DH is atheist. We don't teach about religion at home at all and DD was all set at 6 to become a nun like her teachers.

At 16 she's doing an a level in RS but is a devout (ha ha) atheist. She just loves absorbing all of the other religious teachings but has made her own decision about what she believes.

Your child will absorb lots of different ideas about religion from lots of different sources. You need to give her a balanced view of each and everyone as she grows up allowing her to make an unbiased decision when she is able.

Just make sure she knows your views without discounting your MILs.

Iggi999 · 14/08/2016 10:07

I'm waiting for the next dripfeed which involves her eating puppies for breakfast and wanting to sacrifice the firstborn.

Iggi999 · 14/08/2016 10:08

However, a long argument with your dp about something you needed for a medical reason doesn't make him sound great either, does it?

GingerbreadGingerbread · 14/08/2016 10:10

Do you just have one mug OP?

Original poster
FruitCider · 14/08/2016 10:17

Do you just have one mug OP?

No, but I only have one mug that was custom designed for me by my dad that died 6 months ago, it's the mug I use every day and she chooses to use THAT ONE despite me having a whole cupboard full of perfectly acceptable mugs.

Angry
OP posts:
Original poster
FruitCider · 14/08/2016 10:18

However, a long argument with your dp about something you needed for a medical reason doesn't make him sound great either, does it?

No it doesn't. He didn't understand what SPD was or why it hurt so much. I took his credit card and ordered a memory foam mattress anyway Wink

OP posts:
Noonesfool · 14/08/2016 10:19

As an aside, anyone who drinks black tea is clearly bonkers.

GingerbreadGingerbread · 14/08/2016 10:33

OP leaving aside what she has said to your daughter, all the other things make her sound like a monster. What does your DH think about her shouting in your face that you are a whore, being racist, using something precious to you? Is he on your side- does he back you? The fact that as soon as your back was turned she is in your home looking after your DD gives the impression he condones her behaviour?

aurynne · 14/08/2016 10:35

In view of the new information about your deeply unpleasant and bonkers MIL, I suggest the following: next time your DD mentions God just smile condescendingly and say to her: "Honey, as you know grandma is not very well in her head, so she has made up an imaginary friend named 'God'. Don't worry about it, be nice to her, she is a bit ill".

Original poster
FruitCider · 14/08/2016 10:40

He doesn't condone her behaviour at all. When I kicked her out he stood by me and said she was being a twat. I just don't think he's observant enough to notice the other things eg mug. It wasn't that he invited her down - she called to tell us we didn't need his sister anymore and she had already bought coach tickets. I then extended my trip as for once I already had the week off Grin the day before I travelled she kept asking me why I was going to help jihadis. I simply stated that the majority of people in the camp are fleeing Daesh and they need all the help they can get. I then went out to buy aid and didn't come back until 10pm and put myself straight to bed so I didn't have to say anything other than "night!"

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/08/2016 10:45

Did she ever apologise for her behaviour?
How did you start socialising again?

wornoutboots · 14/08/2016 10:46

keeping out of the arguments - pagan here, formerly christian. My kids and I celebrate winter solstice (it's that for everyone no matter what their religion is)

but OP you can formally request that your child be excluded from the "compulsory act of worship of a broadly christian nature" schools are required to have on a daily basis.
in writing.
also add that you don't want her attending any special assemblies etc held by visiting religious groups of ANY religion. And that she may not be asked to pray.

I told them to teach my son about ALL religions as long as they don't present any of them as fact.

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