To think that when you're using play equipment in the park it's rude for parents to stand next to you waiting for you to finish

[Qedwai]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who hates this or if I'm being unreasonable.

When I'm in the park with my Sons and we want to go on something we play on something else until it's free and then quickly go on it once it becomes available. We don't stand right next to the parent and child waiting for them to get off! If we know something is really popular we will only stay on 5 mins so that everyone gets a chance to play.

One thing I've noticed consistently, is that there are a small number of parents who will stand right next to you with their child, literally waiting for you to get off the equipment. In the process, making you feel rushed and uncomfortable. Especially if they make a big deal of the fact they are waiting by saying stuff like 'won't be long now and you can go on once this boy has got off'.

Today I was in a large, fairly busy park and I put my Son in the swing. I had only just put him in when a woman went right behind me and said to her daughter 'we will go on once this boy has finished' she then proceeded to stand still, right next to me, with a grumpy face until we took our Son out of the swing'.

It's something I would never ever do. I think it's rude and unnecessary. Standing nearby is different but right next to the person is rude.

If a park is so busy it's necessary to queue for things I suppose that's different, but i'm not talking about parks like that. Just normal parks.

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's happened a few times now, and it's really getting on my nerves.

Pearl, if I hadn't talked my kids through the process of waiting and assured them that they would get their turn if they waited, they would not have been able to do it. They wouldn't have understood and they wouldn't have coped.

When I was saying to my DS "you can have a turn when this little boy has finished", I was talking to him, not passively aggressively telling the other child to get off. Please tell me what I was supposed to say to my DS that would not have pissed you off but would have communicated the waiting process?

Pearl for those of us with children who have autism we are advised a specific way to explain. This would be "first it is this little boys turn next it's yours" many children with autism have a very young comprehension age so long discussions don't work and saying it's not your turn yet does not help avoid problems. I do try to keep my voice down so others don't hear and if I had to raise my voice I apologise to the other parent and explain. My daughter no longer goes in playgrounds when other children are there because of bad experiences where she either waited more than 30 minutes because the other children had not finished yet or because she was pushed off/out of the way.
On one occasion to teach our community about sharing the playground it was locked up and some children banned by the council because of their behaviour

YABU.

Pearlman obviously has no idea about the different ways things have to be explained to dc with ASD! He has had it explained repeatedly on this thread but doesn't seem interested in why people may need to explain things (often repeatedly) to a child to help them learn important lessons like taking turns and waiting for someone to finish etc.

I always try and keep my voice low and calm when explaining to ds as this helps him to stay calm when faced with (to him) the impossible task of waiting his turn. I may look like an overprotective 'helicopter' parent to Pearlman and others but my ds needs me to continually reiterate what will happen and when or he will spiral himself out of control into meltdown and either run off or drag your dc off the equipment as he feels he has waited long enough... verging on understandable for a 3 year old...not so much so now he's 7...and imagine him still doing this at 15, he needs to learn this process and tough luck if you have to listen and it makes you feel a bit pressured - imagine how pressured he feels!

I must have missed his supportive posts too. l always notice his posts and not for positive reasons. Some people have a very narrow view of life and if something is out of their range of experience with their own children then it must just be because the parents are rude and/or passive aggressive... l think we are wasting our breath Need and Merrymum!

Pearl my autistic children really didn't understand the waiting process and we had to use the type of language that you perceive to be passive aggressive because that is what they needed. I didn't shout it, but people around would have been able to hear. If I'd tried to whisper, my kids wouldn't have heard it due to all the other sensory distractions.

You may think that most children understand how to wait, but you have absolutely no way of knowing which ones do and which ones don't, so you just stay on the swings longer, to spite the child that you don't know, because the parent has said something to their own child that you have decided was a passive aggressive dig at you, when there is every chance that it really wasn't.

It's really not necessary. Have your turn and move on, being considerate of the fact that other people are waiting.

you can do it out of earshot of others
I really couldn't. If I was waiting, having explained to my son what was happening, I couldn't then wait in silence, I had to give a constant commentary - distracting with other things a much as possible.
I would also have to field questions like: how long is he going to be? when can I have my turn? etc I couldn't take him aside all the time to answer in secret.

YANBU OP. I hate it when people stand in my personal space - and everybody knows what that is. Queueing is the fairest method and nobody would dispute that, it's just that some parents are no respecters of other people's personal space... step backwards onto their feet and see if that shifts them?

I have no problem with parents explaining things to their children - for whatever reason, I don't care - but don't be in my space doing that, I don't need the lecture or explanation.

I think you've had some snippy responses and some outright stupid responses since you've said that you're a dad. Pathetic.

Try having an autistic child who is hard of hearing (as I do) - our conversations are always loud and obvious. Or didn't that combination of disabilities occur to you?

Sorry, I'm one of those Mums who would be stood by the swings, loudly telling my son that he must wait and have a turn when the current child has finished. If I see you glaring at me, then I will explain exactly why I have said what I did in the way that I did. However if you choose to stifle your annoyance and then come onto a forum to moan about me, then I just hope the stifled rage hasn't given you indigestion.

I'm sure you'd rather I did explain to my son, even if it is simplified and loud, than let him have a meltdown next to you. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

Pearlman, tbh, you are just digging a deeper hole with every post you write, and underlining just how little you understand about autism. Fine, I get it, you don't have to live that life, but please listen to those of us who do.

No, I couldn't stand a 'reasonable distance' away (define reasonable?). The distance would be dictated by dd1 (usually the very boundary of where I had said it would be safe). Any attempt to move her would cause her to think I was trying to take her away from the swings/roundabout/whatever.

It isn't her being rude - she doesn't understand typical social interactions and rules (and even when she has learned them, she still doesn't actually comprehend them). Me standing with her isn't me being rude, it's me caring for my disabled child.

She would (still, age 12) need repeated reminding that she needs to wait ('little boy first, you next. Yes, your turn next. Just waiting. Nice standing! Good waiting! Your turn next. Well done, nice calm waiting. That's it, standing here. Nice job, your turn next' - rinse and repeat. You think you find it boring? Try doing it with every conversation for 12 years!). Again, that's not her or me being rude, it's just what she needs in order to be able to function.

And as for your assertion that 'the majority of children' would wait fine - I was at the park this afternoon. Out of the (approx) 20 children there, at least 8 had SN meaning they would find waiting difficult and would need the type of prompting and encouragement I outlined. That's far from the odd one you were implying might need it.

Pearl man, so you think parents of autistic children are passive aggressive because they are talking their children through the process (as advised by Speech and Language Therapists). So what would you advise as an alternative that would not be passive aggressive? Would you rather our children have a meltdown right beside you or do you have an amazing alternative strategy that you could share with us?

In that case, all you have to do is say, "Don't worry, I'm not trying to rush you, he just won't understand otherwise.
I disagree strongly that she has to explain her childs additional needs to you.

Now that dd1 is 12, I don't often have to explain, it's kind of obvious. When she was 3 or 4, however, there was no way I'd have been able to - one, I genuinely couldn't take my eyes off her and two, me talking to another person was a huge trigger for her - a simple throwaway comment could precipitate a meltdown lasting hours.

Which of course meant that as well as being labelled an obnoxious Loud Parent passive aggressively trying to force my precious little darling's turn on playground equipment, I was also thought of as incredibly rude when I couldn't answer simple everyday interactions.

It's so much fun being the parent of a SN child sometimes.

But I have found - my own personal experience - that some parents are happy to let their child swing and swing and swing (or go round and round and round, or whatever) for ten to fifteen minutes regardless of the fact that other children are obviously waiting, let alone those who are unobtrusively waiting by playing on something else.

Sometimes standing close by, loudly telling my child to wait for their turn, is the prompt needed to make them feel just a little guilty and take their child from that swing ... If such passive aggression works for that situation, then I'm going to use it

YANBU
I hate it, it makes the whole experience unenjoyable.
People should learn to BACK OFF and stop being so thoughtless and rude.

Can't the believe the amount of people in here saying that it's fine to do this!

Hahahahahahaha.

Pearlman, you read my post outlining some of the issues I have with dd1 (and why I might not be able to abide by your social norms) and your first thought was that I should be more aware of other people's feelings?

quite literally incredible.

There's a poster on here who has said someone once did that to her son, pearlman. He has autism and was distressed at waiting for swing. The woman whose child was on swing deliberately kept her child on for a long time. Her son ended up having such a big meltdown that he was smacking his head off the ground. That story had always stayed with me. How people with their heads up their own arses can cause such huge consequences just by being intransigent.