To think that when you're using play equipment in the park it's rude for parents to stand next to you waiting for you to finish

[Qedwai]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who hates this or if I'm being unreasonable.

When I'm in the park with my Sons and we want to go on something we play on something else until it's free and then quickly go on it once it becomes available. We don't stand right next to the parent and child waiting for them to get off! If we know something is really popular we will only stay on 5 mins so that everyone gets a chance to play.

One thing I've noticed consistently, is that there are a small number of parents who will stand right next to you with their child, literally waiting for you to get off the equipment. In the process, making you feel rushed and uncomfortable. Especially if they make a big deal of the fact they are waiting by saying stuff like 'won't be long now and you can go on once this boy has got off'.

Today I was in a large, fairly busy park and I put my Son in the swing. I had only just put him in when a woman went right behind me and said to her daughter 'we will go on once this boy has finished' she then proceeded to stand still, right next to me, with a grumpy face until we took our Son out of the swing'.

It's something I would never ever do. I think it's rude and unnecessary. Standing nearby is different but right next to the person is rude.

If a park is so busy it's necessary to queue for things I suppose that's different, but i'm not talking about parks like that. Just normal parks.

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's happened a few times now, and it's really getting on my nerves.

Grr autocorrect: *it's not passive aggressive, it's reminding their child

How funny, only one toddler swing at the park yesterday. My DS2 has just expressed a love for swings and kept running over to it.

I explained to him that he'd have to wait several times and tried to distract him... But he kept going back they were in use by he same person for ages - so long in fact that we had to go before he got a chance to have a go. Maybe I should have stayed put!

YABU

Others don't know about your 5 minute rule. Queuing is a polite signal that another child would like a turn.

If you're a dad and the offenders (from your pov) are mostly mothers, they are probably assuming you are clueless about playground etiquette. They probably have this assumption because they have encountered dads before in parks who are clueless about playground etiquette.

Someone I know lives in a city neighbourhood that has a good mix of private and social housing and one popular playground. The whole place is also near a major shopping street. Dads accompany their children to the playground while mums are off getting hair done or shopping or even visiting relatives in a nearby maternity hospital, or whatever. The point is, the dads are clearly blow-ins from the burbs or from country areas and unfamiliar with this urban playground, or any playground for that matter. The local children and any adults with them, both well-heeled and from the flats, all find that they have to stand right there and make comments or the newcomers would never take their children off the swings or the see-saw things on springs.

Then there are blow-in parents who stand in little groups chatting while their children hog the equipment, and you should see the horror on their faces when the children are told their turn is over, especially when it's the children who don't talk with cut glass accents doing the ordering off. The person I know has had to use a stopwatch on occasion to make it possible for everyone to have a turn and prevent fisticuffs. Some local Russian grannies also take things in hand when it is clear that there is blithe disregard for the unwritten rules.

The way the unwritten rules go is - a queue forms. When the queueing children collectively decide (and there is a good sense of this) that someone has had enough time on the equipment, they start to get a little closer to it, and then to make comments.

When I was growing up in Ireland, if the sermon at Mass was going on a bit too long, or the reflection period after Communion seemed to be reaching a point where everyone collectively knew it had gone on too long people would cough and get restless. Same thing for the park really. Most people have a sense of when a turn has just tipped into 'too long' territory.

I understand what you are saying about personal space.
However, you clearly do not understand that comments to small children while they wait are designed to help them to wait patiently. I understand you don't take that approach with your own DCs, but why is it hard for you to see that others have their own way? Do you have much experience of playgrounds? Because the conversations and remarks you have described happen a lot. And yes, as remarked by someone above, some children only want to use the swings and will not go down the slide no matter how much they are coaxed.
I wonder what exactly you mean when you say five minutes, too. Do you count to 300?

Are you 'that dad'?

I queue with my toddler as if you stand 'nearby' some other child runs up straightaway and pips your child to the post...tantrums from my toddler then! It's also important for the kids to realise park equipment is shared and when it is busy you only stay on things for a few mins max

If people are keeping away, how do you know they are waiting for a turn?

How can you tell your child that they can only have 5 minutes 'Because others want a turn' if there is no queue of people indicating that they want a turn?
Do you make them get off after 5 minutes, watch to see if anyone was 'stealth queuing,' then let them get back on for another 5 minutes?

It al sounds very exhausting. I would prefer to know if someone was waiting, so a queue seems the most sensible was of indicating that.

If no one else is waiting, I'll let my child play for as long as they want, until I see someone else indicating that they want a turn, by queing up or waiting close to the play equipment. Then I will make my child get off very soon, if they have had a long turn already.

I find it annoying too, surely they can play on something else close by whilst waiting. If i see someone in the corner of my eye looking to go on the swing then i make sure we wrind it down pretty soon and say to ds 'ok last 5 goes now' but to stand there right next to you seems a bit rude i think.

OP yabu. My son has autism and struggles with queues. The Speech and language therapist gave us a strategy to use in the park to help him queue. This includes talking through the situation so he can visually process what's happening. He also struggles with personal space so may stand a bit too close to people. Again, I prompt him to stand back and we wait together with me talking him through the process. Autism is often referred to as an invisible disability so if you saw us in the park, you would mark us down as those annoying people you refer to in your original post. I hope all those people that think op is not being unreasonable, take time to read this and think twice before being so judgemental in a play park.

YABU, there's nothing wrong with forming a queue, especially since most parks only have a couple of swings so the chances of getting on one without queueing up is slim.

I encourage my kids to queue quietly next to the swings and not rush the person on there. It really gets my goat though when they've been queueing nicely for ages and as the previous child is getting off some random kid comes running out of nowhere and gets on the swing before they've had chance. It also annoys me that some parents can see a queue forming but allow their child to stay on the swing for 20-30 mins because they can't be bothered to tell them to get off and share.

In your situation, if the other parent is telling the child you'll be finished soon, I would probably just politely say that your child has only just got on so you'll just be 5 minutes or so. Up to them whether they carry on waiting then.

Oooh PandasRock I've just realised I'm a 'loud parent' too, for the same reason as ds2 has ASD.

Op, I'm probably that parent standing a bit too far into your personal space reminding mini Bob that we are 'waiting and when the boy comes off, it will be mini Bob's turn, but first it's waiting and next it's swinging'.

I'm doing it so my son doesn't loose his shit and scream and forcibly try to take the swing from your son. I'm doing you a favour, even if it doesn't feel like that.

YANBU i get what you're saying OP. Mine are too old for swings now but in the days I used to take them to playgrounds I would get them to play on something else until the thing they wanted became available - i thought of it as a good life lesson to be patient and to learn to wait for something they wanted, to leave others alone to enjoy their play rather than being hassled into giving something up just because my child wanted it.

YANBU - I have had parents watch me put DC in a swing and loudly declare to theirs 'they won't be long, you'll get your turn soon'.
Pressurise you to get off and then sit on the swing for ages and ages whilst others wait

Some don't think their kids should wait.
I have lots of issues about parents at the park glad DC are outgrowing it..... My fav is parents putting tiny babies (holding them) down the slide in the teen area and shouting at kids trying to go down. Baby/toddler area is totally empty of course (and it has a slide.....)

YANBU wtf are people thinking? Stand slightly away and make it clear you want it but are in no rush! Therefore imyoulk get on it when the others are fine but the others won't feel uncomfortable. God some people

YANBU, I think it's very rude too. If DD wants the swing and someone else is in it then we just go on something else until it comes free. Simple. But then in my city people tend to get their kids out after a not unreasonable amount of time so this approach is fine.

you Sorry

It is a queue. But it does sound like you were having a bad day.
If someone does this to me I speak to them and say we will only be x amount of time to the child waiting.
It is also a nice way to get chatting to other parents.
Perhaps they were standing too close but you could have told them how long you were planning on being there.

YANBU.

Can't stand pushy parents breathing down your neck. Queueing is fine if its that busy, but parents who queue really just want you to move ASAP. It comes across as passive aggressive. Personally I don't think its worth wasting time standing around waiting for something when dc can just play on something else.

So glad not to live in a city any more.

Just tell them with a cherry smile that you've only just got on this piece of equipment. It's up to them if they then want to hover but you've made them aware you won't be hurried off

She stood right behind you whilst you were pushing your son? Or she stood behind you as you were stood at the side?

Oh. My. Actual. God.

On what planet does this even matter?

I can't imagine a bunch of blokes having a thread like this.

boffin it was started by a man who doesn't understand apostrophes

YANBU op and I'm not sure why you are receiving some of these replies. It's perfectly obviously what you mean.

One time, I had literally just put my ds in the swing and this woman and her child came over and stood so bloody close, I asked her if she would like to push my ds instead (she could quite easily have pushed him from where she was standing, that's how close she was to me, shoulder to shoulder) She gave me such a filthy look, and when she did take a step back, said to her child "you'll have to wait 30 seconds while he has the swing" I told her to give us 5 mins as he's only just got in it. She wasn't happy and spent the next 3 minutes sighing heavily until we moved. She was the worst one I've encountered but not the only one to do it.

It is rude and it is annoying. And there is a difference between queuing/waiting patiently and getting in someone's personal space and making pointed comments to try move them along before they have even started swinging.

Lol Hermione, you got there before me!