Aibu to be hurt by their behaviour?

[Doublemint]

braces self for Aibu post

Earlier in the week MIL mentioned she was going to SIL house this afternoon. (I don't know if it matters but she's SIL through marriage, not MILs DD)She suggested me, DH, DD1 (2yrs) and DD2 (7m) come along too. DH phoned SIL to see if that was ok as she has a month old baby and we really want to make sure she's up for visitors/didn't want to invite ourselves over/ overwhelm her etc. We made this clear on the phone.

SIL said her and MIL were planning on going for lunch at a garden centre about 10mins from us, 45mins from MIL and 20/30mins from SIL. SIL said she was thinking of that garden centre because it had a park for dd1 to play in. So in my mind they had invited us and wanted us there.

DH and I accepted and then explained hat as we are totally and utterly skint right now we couldn't afford lunch but could meet them there after they had eaten for a bumble around with the kids. SIL said that sounded great and to call MIL and let her know.

So we do and MIL says to come to garden centre at 2pm. So today we get the kids up, dd1 is all excited to see her aunty and granny and her new baby cousin, she was practically bursting! Because babies are mental a challenge we ended up being half an hour late (dd2 woke up late and needed her lunch then dd1 did a poo on the floor).

We get there and ring them to see where they are and.... They had left! Gone!

Dd1 is really upset and I was fuming. They popped back as they'd only just gone but we had text from the car saying we were running late and would be another 10mins.

I was so angry that this was all their idea and then they go and leave! Apparently SIL had to leave by 3pm but she didn't tell us this!!!

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting because of how upset dd1 was or whether this was bad manners on their part.
????

Maybe it was an audio text

DH rang them! I'm obviously not the best at explaining things. I know IWBU and I've said sorry for being late to them now

Glad you've seen the light OP!

Haha thanks aubergines

You were all unreasonable.

You for being late. However, she should have told you that she had to go when you text her. She was rude for just leaving after you had been texting each other.

I don't understand why she left though? She knew you were running late, so she left then came back again when you arrived? That is odd considering she knew you were on your way.

The event was the lunch though op. If someone said to me they can't afford lunch but would come at the end I would expect them to come for the last 10 - 15 minutes only. I wouldn't spend a further hour after lunch lingering at the table. So either way by 14.30 I would have left.

It is a big maddening when parents insist they can't do anything until a child has finished sleeping. I get that sleep and routine is important but I don't understand why you waited for your child to wake up naturally rather than getting her up, fed and ready. You left at the time you were supposed to be there without any urgency of contingency for traffic congestion. Why?

Yes, I think they should have said "we have to leave by 2.45 and I don't understand why they didn't. But I don't get why you weren't ready on time.

MN is a parallel universe sometimes. If I was meeting someone and they were late and had texted to tell me then I would wait for them. It happened today. Meeting a friend and her kids at the park, for various reasons she was late, no big deal. She turned up and we had a lovely time. If I'd said "oh well you missed your chance now, bye" that would have been unbelievably rude. More so to just up and leave without warning.

I thought your SIL was supposed to be somewhere at 3.30? So did she change her plans then?
This is getting more and more confusing...

YABU

People being late gives me the rage, I would have left too.

Agree with PP, you keep changing the story which confuses things.

If this is a garden centre which is only ten mins from your home as per your OP, how on earth can you justify being so late? And of course an hour would have been plenty of time to potter around.

3pm not 3.30

YABU she made the effort to be there with a very new baby and is probably exhausted and on time plus their journeys home are longer.

RhiWrites so true!

People who are late because their precious darling was sleeping drive me mad. I have made the effort to be on time, which means I have woken up/ kept awake and fed my own babies. If you can't know what time is convenient for you in advance, then organise something else where you don't leave people hanging.

MN is a parallel universe sometimes. If I was meeting someone and they were late and had texted to tell me then I would wait for them.

But they didn't text until after they were late. SIL has a new baby. I think it's unreasonable to expect her to hang around.

You could've

Woken baby up earlier
Fed baby at the garden centre
Invited MIL and SIL to yours - save hanging about - or even for lunch

i really can't stand the attitude that tardy people give off. The fact you think waking a baby at 1.45 when you are meeting someone at 2pm is astounding , if i was meeting someone at 2pm my child would be woken at 1pm at latest, do you not factor in time for travel? i don't stay friends with late people now, hugely selfish and disrespectful .

Come on, admit it. What did the 7 month old have for lunch - a full roast dinner and pudding?

if i had arrange to meet someone at 2 and they text at 2 to say they were just leaving i'd have said forget it im off home, regardless whether they had kids or not

You're getting an unreasonably hard time here OP. I think your expectations were out of whack for the meet up. And it's good to be on time, but few people with two young children manage to make it on time all the time. Since you texted/called them to tell them you were late and they had said it was fine, they were pretty rude to leave without getting back in touch and also unreasonable to not have mentioned, when you said you were running late, that they had a deadline.

But it's only a small blip in an otherwise good relationship isn't it? Your DD will get plenty of other opportunities to play with them and you'll get plenty of chances to see them all again soon.

Yeah YABU.

I was coming on to say Yabu.

But your later posts make it seem like to informed them you were running late and they didn't say they had to leave etc?

It's hard to time things with young babies so I'm sure that couldn't be helped.

Imp you are all unreasonable! You for being late even if unavoidable and them for not texting back they couldn't wait and they'd rearrange for another time

Glad you've finally apologised as you were definitely unreasonable.

The thing is it wasn't a case of them just waiting that half an hour. If you'd arrived just as they left then presumably you'd have expected them to stay another fifteen minutes as a minimum.
I've had the situation where someone turns up past the time you really wanted /needed to go by, and you don't enjoy seeing them as you're just wondering how soon you can excuse yourself without being rude and how late you're going yo be at the next place.