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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be hurt by their behaviour?

140 replies

Doublemint · 11/08/2016 16:27

braces self for Aibu post

Earlier in the week MIL mentioned she was going to SIL house this afternoon. (I don't know if it matters but she's SIL through marriage, not MILs DD)She suggested me, DH, DD1 (2yrs) and DD2 (7m) come along too. DH phoned SIL to see if that was ok as she has a month old baby and we really want to make sure she's up for visitors/didn't want to invite ourselves over/ overwhelm her etc. We made this clear on the phone.

SIL said her and MIL were planning on going for lunch at a garden centre about 10mins from us, 45mins from MIL and 20/30mins from SIL. SIL said she was thinking of that garden centre because it had a park for dd1 to play in. So in my mind they had invited us and wanted us there.

DH and I accepted and then explained hat as we are totally and utterly skint right now we couldn't afford lunch but could meet them there after they had eaten for a bumble around with the kids. SIL said that sounded great and to call MIL and let her know.

So we do and MIL says to come to garden centre at 2pm. So today we get the kids up, dd1 is all excited to see her aunty and granny and her new baby cousin, she was practically bursting! Because babies are mental a challenge we ended up being half an hour late (dd2 woke up late and needed her lunch then dd1 did a poo on the floor).

We get there and ring them to see where they are and.... They had left! Gone!

Dd1 is really upset and I was fuming. They popped back as they'd only just gone but we had text from the car saying we were running late and would be another 10mins.

I was so angry that this was all their idea and then they go and leave! Apparently SIL had to leave by 3pm but she didn't tell us this!!!

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting because of how upset dd1 was or whether this was bad manners on their part.
????

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2016 17:02

X post

Buggers · 11/08/2016 17:03

You were meant to meet them at 2 but instead only just woke dd up at 2 knowning she needed lunch as well? Why didn't you wake her up at 1 then meet them at 2 like anyone else would? yabvu

BastardGoDarkly · 11/08/2016 17:05

Urgh. YABU yes.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/08/2016 17:06

YOU DIDN'T TEXT THEM UNTIL 2:29!!!!!!!

Face palm

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:06

No she woke up at 1.45 so did her a quick lunch and jumped in the car at about 2 for what should have been a quick drive. I text as soon as she woke up saying we'd be a bit late and they said that was fine. Then the roadworks made us later but they had still gone without even a heads up! We could have easily turned around at any point if they'd just told us.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 11/08/2016 17:06

There were 2 of you to get your children ready and you were still half an hour late? Astonishing. I would have left too!

Buggers · 11/08/2016 17:07

Hmm. Yabu so just move on and be more organised next time.

BalloonSlayer · 11/08/2016 17:07

But you weren't half an hour late you were an hour late.

They said to be there are 2 and SIL had to leave at 3.

They'd been there for lunch. They'd probably arrived at 12. How long do you think they could keep themselves entertained for? It's a garden centre not Disneyland.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/08/2016 17:07

Do you think you might be a tiny little bit unreasonable? Or is AIBU wasting its collective time?

CloudPirate · 11/08/2016 17:08

Sounds like one of those things to me. SIL has new baby, they've already been there for a while if they were meant to be having lunch before meeting you at 2pm, maybe she did need to get going and I can understand that if she was originally thinking she'd be meeting you for lunch, then she'd have thought it would be no problem to be somewhere else for 3pm, then in between the arrangements changing lightly it never got mentioned.
It also sounds like you had a nightmare trying to get ready and get there, you did text to say you'd be late and I don't think you really did anything wrong, these things do happen!

YANBU to feel a bit upset in general; you were looking forward to meeting up and it didn't happen and it all sounds a bit stressful; however YABU if you're blaming them for it or saying their behaviour was unreasonable.

AmysTiara · 11/08/2016 17:08

Yep yabu.

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:09

We got there at 2.30 and they had left!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/08/2016 17:10

So now you texted her at 1:45? Make your mind up. You said you texted when you were leaving (29 minutes late) you were meeting at 2 anyway not leaving at 2.

You really don't get it do you?

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:12

We were texting back and forth really, I text her when we were home then DH whilst I was driving. It was only supposed to be a casual get together we see each other about once every couple of weeks. Mil made it sound like she would stay at SIL or come back to ours till the evening. Sorry I probably should have put that in earlier but I posted this as DH drove us home

OP posts:
TellMeSomethingNew · 11/08/2016 17:12

So you were going to be 40 mins late? I'd have said WTF and left too. Why didn't you wake your daughter up earlier? Hmm

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:13

Because she's only 7 months old!

OP posts:
Lemonlady22 · 11/08/2016 17:13

u r being unreasonable.....other people have busy lives too.....to get there at 2pm you should have left at the latest 1.45pm..and you got stuck in traffic for somewhere that is only ten minutes from you for another 10 minutes....but you hadnt even left by 2.30...just rude....even with the baby excuses....just rude

witsender · 11/08/2016 17:14

Yanbu. If you need to be somewhere at 2, and it is 10 mins away, you leave minimum of 15 mins to leave the house. Add in traffic allowance, an extra 10 mins. Time it takes getting kids out, another 10. So to be somewhere at 2, especially meeting people who are waiting for you with a newborn, I would be aiming to walk out of the door at 130. Not waiting for your child to wake at 145, then making lunch, and then going! Bonkers, disorganised and very rude.

So yabu. Totally.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 11/08/2016 17:14

I'm normally quite laid back about most things.

Child-parent car parking: meh
Toilets and bog brushes: meh
Noisy kids: meh
Neighbours partying into the night: meh

I can't abide lateness. I'd have left too. YABU

MiddleClassProblem · 11/08/2016 17:16

If DD was napping and I knew I still had to give her lunch, it's 1:30 and I have to BE somewhere (not leave, actually arrive) at 2 then I would text then, at 1:30 and let them know when I'm leaving. I wouldn't leave it until whatever made up time you have decided you texted her (it keeps changing)

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:16

Ok maybe I'm not being clear here. I was told to get there at 2pm. It's a 10 min drive. Dd1 had lunch at 1.45 and we were in the car at 2pm. We texted throughout this keeping them uptodate. There were roadworks and we were running 10 mins late so got there at 2.30. SIL told us she had to be somewhere at 3 as we were pulling up. They had already left.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/08/2016 17:16

You said you heard nothing back and now it's back and forth Hmm

Amelie10 · 11/08/2016 17:16

You expect them to understand about your older children , yet she is the one with the one month old. You are the unreasonable one, not them. And they were right to leave!

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:16

Sorry dd2 had lunch the 7month old

OP posts:
Mishegoss · 11/08/2016 17:17

You were really late. I'd have apologised for being late and left it at that. Their behaviour was fine.