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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be hurt by their behaviour?

140 replies

Doublemint · 11/08/2016 16:27

braces self for Aibu post

Earlier in the week MIL mentioned she was going to SIL house this afternoon. (I don't know if it matters but she's SIL through marriage, not MILs DD)She suggested me, DH, DD1 (2yrs) and DD2 (7m) come along too. DH phoned SIL to see if that was ok as she has a month old baby and we really want to make sure she's up for visitors/didn't want to invite ourselves over/ overwhelm her etc. We made this clear on the phone.

SIL said her and MIL were planning on going for lunch at a garden centre about 10mins from us, 45mins from MIL and 20/30mins from SIL. SIL said she was thinking of that garden centre because it had a park for dd1 to play in. So in my mind they had invited us and wanted us there.

DH and I accepted and then explained hat as we are totally and utterly skint right now we couldn't afford lunch but could meet them there after they had eaten for a bumble around with the kids. SIL said that sounded great and to call MIL and let her know.

So we do and MIL says to come to garden centre at 2pm. So today we get the kids up, dd1 is all excited to see her aunty and granny and her new baby cousin, she was practically bursting! Because babies are mental a challenge we ended up being half an hour late (dd2 woke up late and needed her lunch then dd1 did a poo on the floor).

We get there and ring them to see where they are and.... They had left! Gone!

Dd1 is really upset and I was fuming. They popped back as they'd only just gone but we had text from the car saying we were running late and would be another 10mins.

I was so angry that this was all their idea and then they go and leave! Apparently SIL had to leave by 3pm but she didn't tell us this!!!

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting because of how upset dd1 was or whether this was bad manners on their part.
????

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 11/08/2016 17:18

Why were you only in the car at 2pm when you were supposed to be there at 2pm? You don't seem to get what everyone else is saying. You. Were. Rude.

NerrSnerr · 11/08/2016 17:18

YABU. You didn't leave until the the time you were supposed to meet. You could have got in the car at 1.45 and given your daughter lunch at the garden centre. Did you really expect them to hang around all day for you?

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:19

Ok ok how about the fact they expected us to turn up just for an hour and nobody even thought to let us know? Or that they left 30 mins before they had to?

OP posts:
IwannaSnorlax · 11/08/2016 17:20

YABVU - I'd have left too.

SkydivingFerret · 11/08/2016 17:20

I'd have gone too. You should have been leaving by 1.45 not just waking to your kid up at that time!

Guavaf1sh · 11/08/2016 17:21

YABU

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 11/08/2016 17:21

An hour at a garden centre is plenty with small kids tbh. And they left 'early' because your weren't there.

Grilledaubergines · 11/08/2016 17:21

YABU. You shouldn't have committed to meeting them there really or should have cancelled when your baby was still asleep, with the knowledge that she would still need feeding once shed woken.

SkydivingFerret · 11/08/2016 17:21

So is this chaos and disorganisation normal for you or are you usually on time?

MiddleClassProblem · 11/08/2016 17:21

You said she woke up at 1:45 now she's eating lunch at 1:45.

This must be a wind up. This story changes every post!

Amelie10 · 11/08/2016 17:22

She has a one month old baby fgs! What did you expect that she sit around till your lot finally decide to pitch up. And the cheek of you only leaving when you were meant to be there, and then Getting upset at them.

emotionsecho · 11/08/2016 17:23

Maybe they left 30 minutes before they had to as they didn't want to be late for whatever was next on their schedule?

You were rude not to be en route before 2pm, and not to factor in traffic delays, etc., you assumed that they would just hang around and wait for you, you also assumed that they had nothing better to do but hang around and to spend the rest of the afternoon at the Garden Centre.

Find out the exact arrangements beforehand next time and have the courtesy to plan better and arrive on time.

Patterkiller · 11/08/2016 17:23

Op I think it's unanimous, YABU. But you clearly won't have it will you.

Late people don't get that it's do disrespectful you are effectively saying the other persons time is worthless.

Just take the blame for this one instead of stamping your foot like a toddler.

And next time be on time.

laidbackneko · 11/08/2016 17:23

I'm really confused by this thread
[unhelpful]

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:24

Lunch was ready and waiting for her, she woke up, she ate and we left, we did everything we could to get to what was supposed to be a family afternoon out at a garden centre with a playground but they didn't tell us SIL had plans and they didn't tell us they had left! I'm usually very organised and on time.
SIL is always late for everything btw.

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 11/08/2016 17:25

You were late, and they popped back to see you! What is the issue?

Original poster
Doublemint · 11/08/2016 17:25

Bah obviously iabu. Still pissed off though! I think it's because dd1 was so upset about it.

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 11/08/2016 17:25

Once it was clear you weren't going to leave on time to get there not late, you should have texted.

laidbackneko · 11/08/2016 17:25

Timings seem all over the place in your posts OP.
But YABU for being annoyed when you were the one that was late.

Personally I can't stand lateness. It's like saying my time is more valuable than yours.

I would have left after waiting half an hour too.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 11/08/2016 17:26

Regardless of the SILs plans you were still 30 minutes late which makes you unreasonable.

laidbackneko · 11/08/2016 17:26

X posted with your last one op.

Discobabe · 11/08/2016 17:26

Sorry but even at a few mths I'd have woken mine to ensure we were on time. Your sil time is no less precious than your own. Why is it ok for you to be late but not for sil with a young baby to need to suddenly leave?

Amelie10 · 11/08/2016 17:28

But your DD is upset only due to your own fault so why are you pissed off at them?
She has a one month old but made it at 2pm and you have older ones, yet you kept them waiting.

witsender · 11/08/2016 17:29

You didn't leave until you were due to be there. A 7 month doesn't need a sit down lunch. You invited yourself along only to keep everyone waiting...your sil has a newborn! She was probably knackered.

Yabu.

hazeimcgee · 11/08/2016 17:29

Actually i don't think you ABU. You text just before 2 to say you'd be late - really when DC was still asleep i'd have woken her or text them. You did text a couple of times to say you were xoming, late but on way. They then randomly left without telling you. That's unreasonable. They should have text and said sorry, it's getting late we need to go / you aren't here and i can't wait any longer etc. Think to just go is rude tbh