Babies aren't expensive

[ImYourMama]

Hi all, I'm hoping you can help. I'm new to Mumsnet and I'm 22 weeks pregnant with first baby. So far myself and DH have bought everything we can think of she'll need, in the summer sales. We've not paid full price for anything! But I'm worries about costs when she's here.

Everyone says it's so expensive having a baby, but I can't work out what will change aside from buying nappies/wipes and possibly formula if breast feeding isn't successful. We can just about manage on maternity pay and DH's wage if these are the main expenses, but am I missing something? I always thought babies were as expensive as you wanted them to be?

Is it more when they get older?

Please help, I want to be financially ready and I feel like I'm missing something obvious

poster NickyEds

I buy when the sales are on I have two girls so if somthing doesn't fit then I always have the younger one

I currently have 3 pairs of Clarke shoes I got in the sales for the price of one pair full price

Size 3.5
Size 4
Size 5.5

They didn't have 5 also I got wellies for winter for my girls for £6 in the sale 3weeks ago

OpenMe DS1 started school in new Clarkes shoes and they were destroyed after 2 weeks, DDs lasted a bit longer but not a full term, and she didn't wear every day as we were into winter boots by November. Puddles on the way to school and break time football probably largely to blame, they must be very careful non ball game playing children to make that sort of shoe last if it is worn all the time!

thing you do need to teach them young is that clothes (especially branded clothes) don't matter grin

Amen

Mine has school shoes, crocs, clarks trainers and wellies. His have never fallen apart despite much tree climbing!

Op surely you must realise most people do not get unlimited free childcare and holidays! Childcare and loss of earnings are what are expensive. For two DC last year I was paying £1600 a month. You must know family doing the lot makes you unusually lucky.

Secondhand clothes are great. Waiting for them to be handed down is not so great

Please, I'm not saying it can't be done cheaper, we buy everything new each year, including Blazers because last years ones look a bit tatty, has lost a couple of buttons and has lost is shape due to being well worn.
I like her going to school looking smart, not dishevelled which she would if I sent her back with that blazer! I could sew on some similar buttons (this is a lie, I don't even own a needle and thread but my MIL could), but the flappy bit at the back (tails?!) are all thready and straggle where someone's pulled on them. The shoulders don't hold their shape quite as well as they should.
Again, it's not necessary, there are definitely costs I could cut if I wanted or needed to but I don't.
I don't pass down uniform from one to the other for the same reasons. It generally looks worn from a years worth of wearing and washing.

Can't yu pass down the uniform I would imagine even outdoor coats can be passed down unless destroyed

Not if you have twins

Being 2nd oldest is not fun having DS hand me downs - we had different styles and tastes (her long skirts and prim shoes - I'd prefer short)

DD1 is a lot bigger than DD2 so that wouldn't work either

DD1 blazer was a 34 first year and DS blazer is 28 - so no hand me downs

We do pass down some uniform but others it doesn't work. Mine are one year apart so in the same size clothing mainly now also so doesn't really work. Also their school jumper are woolen and even though washed on delicates, after a years wear they look all bobbly and misshaped ( because although they cost a fortune the school jumpers are crap quality basically)

I don't know what my kids do to shoes then - past the age of 3 or 4 the only type of casual shoes that last long enough to be outgrown if worn daily are the trainer style "rugged" low walking shoes with toe and heel bumpers and gortex or similar, and even then they look pretty battered after a few months...

Bog standard secondary school uniform-

Rugby top - £25
Shorts- £15
PE top- £18
Trainers for running
Football boots
Trainers to use on 3G pitch

Jumpers- £25 each
Polo shirt- £10 each

Ds's feet are a size 12 now- you're not talking about picking up a cheap pair Tesco, apart from anything else with the amount of sport he does at school a cheap pair will fall apart in 5 minutes so it's a false economy.

I'm hoping his feet have stopped growing now but he's been known to leap up a half size in 8 weeks!!

Neither do I 5 I keep hearing about how easily worn out Clarks shoes are but we've only ever had one pair of school shoes that didn't last the year (unless outgrown) and I took them back after about 4 months and they were replaced without question.

Yep even without twins you can very easily end up with DC1 and 2 in the same size clothing by age 6 and 8 or so if you happen to have a slightly petite DC1 and a bigger DC2.

Also you can't pass down trousers after age 4 as they go through on the knee ... (maybe that is also only my kids).

Open really... do yours wear them outside in the wet or play football in them? I'm suspecting those may be the main differences, as somebody else says it isn't the tree climbing...

I mean kick about football not training and matches obviously!

I'd be surprised if there are many 12 year olds eating off a kids menu. Mine hasn't for about 4 years. The main courses aren't that much more but you lose the drink and ice cream that comes with it. It's a big step up from being able to take a bottle and packet of rice cakes with you. I spent nearly £30 in a National Trust cafe last week because I was desperate for a cup of tea so had to buy 6 drinks and we got some cake to share. I could have taken a flask but I didn't. The car was already so full that people had boxes on their knees anyway.

Childcare is a killer and you need it for years and years.

Loss of earnings - fucking huge and very few escape unscathed.

Shoes - they seem to keep needing different ones and grow out of them all the bloody time. Some things can be handed down such as wellies or football boots if your child doesn't give a hoot about football and has only worn them for a few PE lessons. Others seem to get trashed and need replacing an alarming amount.

The amount they eat at home is eye watering.

Secondary school trips can be expensive.

Hobbies - not essential but it's a joyless existence constantly saying no and pretending they are happy with a library book or a game of conkers. You send them to swimming and before you know it that 30 minutes a week is 9 hours and can they have a new fastskin and while you are on their rock-climbing shoes are too small and another tube of burnt ochre is essential and some new brushes. Whatever you do, don't let them dance or anything that involves horses.

Petrol - I'm never off the road. Bus fares aren't cheap either.

Cinema tickets - We've only been about 3 times and I'm still reeling.

Clothes once they are past the 3 pack of babygros stage. Only one of mine gives a toss about labels but they still need to be clothed.

Food - I know I've said it but it really is unbelievable. Then they invite a sodding friend over and you are suddenly half a loaf, 12 weetabix and 4 pints of milk worse off.

They're older now so it would be trainers for a kickabout outside school and I don't think they do that in the playground anymore, But yes, they wore them to and from school and all day at school so it included playground games, climbing frame, kicking cans or scootering on the way home etc

You do need to put some polish on occasionally, but I always found that even really battered looking Clarks school shoes came up really well with a bit of TLC.

And no teenager ever wears a coat, but you still end up forking out for them.

You don't have to buy teenagers a coat, I don't think I've ever bought my teenage DS a coat, I know he won't wear it, so I won't buy it.

Children do not have to be so expensive, a lot of the things mentioned on this thread are not essential. I have never bought Clarks or similar shoes for my DC - the biggest marketing con ever is persuading parents that their children need 'expensive shoes'.

Most school uniforms can be bought from supermarkets these days (unless you go to schools which specify uniform from suppliers - but these are getting rarer these days). Many parents spoil their children by pandering to their desires for fashion clothes & shoes, latest technology, expensive holidays and 'entertainment' - fine if you can afford it, but so little of this is really 'essential'. My teenage DS has a fairly expensive sporting hobby but he understands that the equipment etc is always bought as Christmas/Birthday presents, not as 'extras'.

My DB moans constantly about the 'expense' of his children - but they are showered with posh clothes, latest iPad & Apple gadgets, endless treats, expensive hair and beauty treatments etc. His money, his choice, but I have never found having a child expensive - not including the obvious direct costs of childcare and loss of earnings of course.

And no teenager ever wears a coat, but you still end up forking out for them.

But then you get that day where DS is off out for the day with 3 mates. And it's January and sleeting. And the 3 mates have fashionable padded parkas with fur lined hoods. And your DS has a hoodie. And you spend the whole day fretting about him. No way will he wear any of his dad's coats, he'd rather get hypothermia.

But if you had bought the parka in November for £100 he would not have ever worn it and probably grown out of it by January.

You should could your lucky stars and be grateful you pregnant without help. I've spent over £10k on operations, IVF, piss sticks, books, medicines, vitamins, woo needles and I've got ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING to show for it.

So you're already £10k up. That's nice.

They come apart though - it's not polish that is the issue, the uppers separate from the sole after a couple of weeks, especially at the front ... but I will stop derailing now :o

We don't buy clarkes any more but my older kids had them to start school - I was just astonished somebody suggested using them as a play shoe as well as a school shoe, as IME they don't wear well - neither do bog standard trainers tbh, you need something far more rugged for the "play" years of 4-12 year olds or so!

Late to this thread but I agree with some PP who say the biggest baby costs are loss of an income or childcare (or combination of both). I don't agree that the older children are the more they cost. I've been told that many times but now I have a secondary school age child it is not true for us. My 2 year old nursery fees are £860 per month (and that is cheap! ) Plus £250 to a nanny who does two late afternoon/early evening sessions a week. Add on a couple of evenings babysitting fees a month, plus a few other bits and bobs she might need: nappies etc (clothes have mainly been given to us second hand) she probably costs us about £1250 a month.
Our older child costs us nothing like that. Yes he eats a lot more, gets pocket money, has residential school trips and more expensive Christmas and birthday presents but is nothing like £1250 a month. University costs might change all that though he has shown no interest in going That's the only major expense I could anticipate.

I wouldn't stock up on too much stuff in advance, I think you can get carried away into believing that you need all sorts of things which you really don't use. So cot, changing table, pram, carseat,steriliser + bottles (even if you bf). Some clothes - you'll probably get given lots of little outfits when the baby arrives. Nappies. If you've got free childcare that is the most expensive thing you would ever have to pay, leaving our £8k a year of nursery behind means everything now seems pretty cheap! I pay for out of school clubs, activities, shoes etc and still feel we have loads of money left over!! But if you don't pay for childcare I guess you would find the move to school quite a big jump in costs. But manageable, don't worry about it!

It isn't 'stuff' that's the big cost, at least in the early years. It's more the changes in lifestyle. Forking out for 'stuff' and activities certainly mounts up from school age on but the big costs are things like:

Loss of earnings from not working
Loss of pension contributions
Will you need to move house?
Will you need a different car? Very hard to put a double buggy and multiple car seats in small models
Childcare - even with family involvement it's possible you will need some

Longer term, career damage and lower pension contributions hammer women the most.

icy 💐 So sorry :(

"£700 for school uniform is probably top end for a state school. but not that unusual at secondary I don't think. "

DD's school uniform cost nothing like that much. Blazers £30, tie £7.00, PE shorts £6.50 but can be bought anywhere, long sleeve PE top £12.50, short sleeve PE top £8.50, PE socks £4.00 but can be bought anywhere.

Skirts/trousers and white shirts can be bought anywhere. That comes nowhere near £700.

I agree that teenagers cost far more than babies, and people need to factor this in when they decide they want lots of children.