To dislike my in-laws ALOT!!!

[jessieb887]

So me, hubby and our 2 boys aged 4 and 3 have made the long journey down to South Wales to stay with hubbys dad and step mum. Which is hard work all by itself as it means a 4:30 start to try and avoid traffic and also the obligatory 'are we there yet'
So we arrive and the don't do this don't do that, come away from there and oooo don't touch that begins almost instantly! After being cooped up in a car for 5 hours the last thing my boys need is to be chastised on a minutely basis! So we suggest the park well them being pretty rubbish grandparents don't fancy that so off we go alone!
But anyway on to my main rant, my 3 yo is super fussy and only really eats sausage and chips for tea (I've spoken to the health visitor and have been told not to worry) is then basically a really unhealthy child in their eyes as he didn't want the roast lamb dinner they had been preparing (in fact neither did my 4 yr old but that's by the by) i also do not like lamb or the idea of cheesy mash potatoes with gravy ( I forgot to add I am also fussy) so me and 4yo ended up eating sausage and roast potatoes. Much to their disgust and several tuts and dirty looks. I'm nearly 30 so why does this upset me so much! I even got told this morning when I said I didn't like Cheerios that I only didn't like them because they don't have sugar on!! I nearly exploded my inner self just wanted to shout at step mum in law I don't like Cheerios because I don't like bloody Cheerios ok!!
Sorry about the massive rant but I seriously needed to vent somewhere.

I can totally appreciate being annoyed at the GPs moaning that your children were touching things because we had this with ILs too. I'm NC with them now (lots of other reasons as well obviously).

I'm surprised they didn't jump at the chance to take the children to the park too if they don't see them that often. Maybe there's a reason they don't visit more - maybe they don't particularly like small children?!

However, I don't blame her for being highly irritated if all three of you snubbed her dinner that she'd prepared. That is rude. Sorry.

I appreciate you're seeking help for your DC's fussiness but he's not likely to at least try different food if you only offer him the same meal of sausage and chips every day!

I'm afraid both sides in this are just going to have to grin and bear the situation and both look forward to having your own space again!

Was there no garden for the children to run about in?

Ha! I am kind and considerate. As in, I consider children's needs and any reasonable requests. I may even discuss these with them and reach a compromise. I do however have the power to override them, because I am an adult and they are children (I work with children by the way, I do have experience) also adults do have a duty to teach children skills they'll need to 'cope' in a variety of situations. As in, learning to be polite, socially gracious and accept that you can't just do and demand whatever you like. And yes, that may include sitting nicely at your grandparent's dinner table, eating food you're not keen on when someone has gone to the effort of hosting you. You say thank you and eat what you can. The OP needs to lead by example- she clearly isn't.

That is far kinder than pandering, in the long term.

They got up at 4.30am! It was a long drive! The kids had no choice - I would feel pretty dragged across the country in those circumstances and I certainly wouldn't want to have to force down a roast meal at the end of it. And I am not 3 or 4. That to me is very little and I would happily 'pander' to the children in those circumstances (what some posters call 'pandering' I call being kind and considerate of little children).

Isn't it strange how different we can be. When we got our children (including three on the spectrum) up in the early hours for a trip they were always so excited about it. And having a roast dinner at the end of it would be their idea of perfection! LOL My foster children have all been the same - leaving at 4.30am, snuggled under duvets in the back, watching the sun rise and often open, empty roads is always a great adventure for them. I am at all saying you are wrong, of course not, but just found it funny how my experience has always been the exact opposite.

They wouldn't be doing that in my house. They wouldn't get as far as the pan cupboard.. grin

Thank you for the huge laugh!!!! I so agree with you!!! xx

Maybe next time you visit you stay nearby in a self catering cottage , then you can eat what and when you want and just visit in laws for the afternoons....I did this when visiting relatives who lived a 7 hr drive away when my kids were little as there wasn't enough room in their house for us all to stay.....but you do seem like hard work!

Blimey, I thought everyone loved a good roast

MadHattersWineParty

Exactly! Totally agree.

I think you are very good to go down at all. I wouldn't! They should respect your wishes as an adult and parent. Whatever their opinions.

I'm about to visit my in laws for the first time and not looking forward to the 'we did it like this' 'you don't want to be doing that' etc that they displayed when baby was only a day old and they visited. I'm gonna be firm on our first visit then just not go again if they are dicks

Ha! I am kind and considerate. As in, I consider children's needs and any reasonable requests. I may even discuss these with them and reach a compromise. I do however have the power to override them, because I am an adult and they are children (I work with children by the way, I do have experience) also adults do have a duty to teach children skills they'll need to 'cope' in a variety of situations. As in, learning to be polite, socially gracious and accept that you can't just do and demand whatever you like. And yes, that may include sitting nicely at your grandparent's dinner table, eating food you're not keen on when someone has gone to the effort of hosting you. You say thank you and eat what you can. The OP needs to lead by example- she clearly isn't. That is far kinder than pandering, in the long term.

Perfectly put, I agree 100%.

This is what I did with my children, despite their special needs. This is what I also TRY and do with the children I foster too. "Say thank you and eat what you can," must have been said by me hundreds of times over the years. And, as you say, leading by example is the best way.

OP that meal sounds straight up delicious.

YABU and you sound like a PITA

OP, I think you are very brave taking two young boys to stay with old relatives in Wales. I remember visiting old relatives in Wales when I was little

Wales - dreadful! Old people - awful! Put them together = TOTAL NIGHTMARE.

I think you are very good to go down at all. I wouldn't! They should respect your wishes as an adult and parent. Whatever their opinions

In their own house? Allow someone to come in and disprespect them and the prepared meal?

I'm about to visit my in laws for the first time and not looking forward to the 'we did it like this' 'you don't want to be doing that' etc that they displayed when baby was only a day old and they visited. I'm gonna be firm on our first visit then just not go again if they are dicks

Take some more unwelcome advise... Don't go.
You are setting out with a prepared for battle attitude so it can only go one way. Grandparents often make comments about how they used to do things but as an adult you should be able to ignore it or deal with it nicely.
Being aggressive is being a Dick.,

Blimey, I thought everyone loved a good roast

I thought so too, Sukey. In fact when we have new foster children arrive, who can be from any situation, any nationality or age, and of course from hugely different circumstances, I tend to cook a roast dinner as it is the one meal everybody seems to enjoy. Or at least enjoy some parts of.

Hmm I can see that it is difficult with a fussy child but sorry op I don't think your inlaws deserves a bashing because they cooked a roast dinner and didn't want to go to the park.

Did you call before hand and tell them about your ds's eating habits? Did you cook him a separate meal? Help arrange the meals for your stay?

I would have personally made ds a separate meal and as a adult, even if I was fussy I would have eaten the roast. I was always taught that if someone cooks you a meal, even if you don't like it you should try and eat some to be polite and thank them.

YANBU. I won't eat food I don't like just to please someone, why should I? And I won't make my dc eat food that they don't like either. I'll try and get them to try it, but if they really don't want to, fair enough. If I don't like the look or smell of something, I won't try it. I don't care if this makes me fussy.
My youngest dc has a very limited diet. He's not lacking in energy by any means. Nor is he lacking in intelligence; at the age of 8, he has a vocabulary that would put a dictionary to shame!
Yes, I have tried the take it or leave it approach. All that happened was that he would end up bouncing off the walls with hunger!
Food should be a pleasure; it's not just for sustenance or growth. Yes, it might make things a tad "difficult" making different meals but I don't like a lot of the same foods as dh, so we often have different things anyway. Doesn't actually bother me.
If we're going to someone's house for a social occasion, I will bring something that I know ds will eat, and I just quietly explain to whomever is hosting, usually a family member or friend. I certainly don't make a fuss or expect them to jump through hoops.
In fact, I've been to various family things on dh's side and there has literally been nothing I can eat. I don't make a fuss or say a word, I just try to have plenty of bread!
I just can't understand trying to impose food likes onto others. If you don't like it, you don't like it, plain and simple.
There are things I can tolerate for politeness, but there are plenty of things I couldn't force down my throat eg fish, lamb and I definitely would gag and possibly puke at the table! Lovely!
I wouldn't be keen to stay with people for this reason but if we had to, I'd talk to the hosts beforehand and explain. And bring my own which is happily cook or heat up, or buy ready meals at a push!
I once spent 2 weeks in Mexico with a family and travelled around. I couldn't really eat anything. Literally had 5 meals in that time. Lived off Diet Coke and some chocolate I'd brought with me!
Came home a lot thinner

OP I am also fussy. I can't help it. I was like this since being tiny. Doc also said dont worry but I wish I was given way more options as a kid to try. Maybe things would have been different.

That said, my kids are not fussy but go through fussy days. But I don't feed high salt foods to them because I didn't want them going down my path (too much sugar).

To those who said they have no tolerance for fussy eaters, adults or kids, honestly it is not a good feeling going to someone's house with your mum or as a adult and being fussy. I wish I wasn't. But so many things make me feel like gagging. I have tried as a adult to overcome this and have been successful with some food but there is way more food out there that I havent been able to get through to yet. It's not something that can be changed so easily. It's like people who are really sociable and those who are not. In some situations we can be 'braver' than others with some food and not others. I didn't eat mayonnaise until I was a adult and that seems to be a staple for lots of people. I never touched a maccy burger. Things that everyone I knew had.

Sorry for the long post but OP I would tackle it by telling them not to worry and you have the situation under control. They don't need to fret about you and your kids.

2kids you forgot the Shirley Bassey CDs

Blimey, I thought everyone loved a good roast

Well, everyday is a school day on Mumsnet, at least you have learned something useful. As this thread shows you, lots of people don't like a roast, but many people would force it down out of 'politeness'.

Just eat it. Be polite. Lead your children by example. I cannot STAND broccoli, literally makes me gag.

However, if I haven't told anyone this before and they've cooked it, I eat it. Politely. Without making a fuss. Y'know, how grown ups do

Eat the damn Cheerios. Then stop being rude to your in laws

Do you sound like one of those guests who's extremely hard work OP.

I mean 'You do'!

I will put up with a. Certain amount of advice but won't be spending my free time in a stressful situation.

All this talk of roast lamb, cheesy mash, sausages and chips is making me REALLY hungry! Completely misses the point of the thread
But then I am Welsh and I love a bit of lamb with mint sauce.

In summary OP - Yes, yes YABU.

What has your in-laws Alot done to you?