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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want in laws to correctly pronounce my very ordinary name?

589 replies

DrSeuss · 09/08/2016 17:44

I have a very ordinary, English-of-Greek-origin name. Spelled in the traditional way, couldn't e simpler, really.
For over twenty years, ILs have mispronounced it. For twenty years, I and my husband have periodically corrected them. Not a huge thing, granted but it grates every time they say it wrongly.

AIBU to slightly mispronounce their names just a little, e.g. Sarah becomes Sorah, Jim becomes Jom? Childish, I know, but it is pretty much the only thing I have asked of them in twenty years! Other family members ask for and receive special food despite having no real grounds for this or meals served at a particular time despite having no children. I'd just like them to say my name without me mentally wincing!

OP posts:
NotYoda · 09/08/2016 20:00

DrSeuss

Ok, sorry, I missed when you said this before (too bound up in proving it's Cah not Kay Ay)

Yika · 09/08/2016 20:01

I pronounce the second syllable in Helen the same way I pronounce the last syllable in heaven and demon and devon and damian and gammon.

This. I'd find it hard to pronounce the second -e the same as the first because it's unstressed (and therefore pronounced as a schwa).

NotYoda · 09/08/2016 20:01

BTW Helen is a lovely lovely name. I think it's due a come-back. Every Helen I know is really nice. It's a classic

KoalaDownUnder · 09/08/2016 20:03

Agree that it's a nice name. Very classy.

DeathpunchDoris · 09/08/2016 20:07

Sorry, but I really think you should get over it. In the grand scheme of life, a slight mis-pronunciation of a name is a relatively small thing to get bent outta shape over. Move on and just enjoy life.

CharlieSierra · 09/08/2016 20:08

YABU, they are saying Helen in their accent, they are not calling you the wrong name, and this

the second 'e is an unstressed vowel or shwa. It is actually quite difficult and effortful to pronounce it as an 'e' as I egg without putting a stress on the vowel

FadedRed · 09/08/2016 20:08

You have my sympathy, Op. It's discourteous.
I,too, have a simply enough name, which has been mispronounced and misspelled all my life. Even after introducing myself, my name is mispronounced, often with that 'I know how to pronounce your name better than you do' attitude.
I have met several other people with my name and not one of them has pronounced it 'the other way'.
My late PILs never spelled my name correctly. I thought it was very rude (but that was the least of the problems Sad).

LapinR0se · 09/08/2016 20:09

Your name contains a schwa in standard English pronunciation.
Unless you are called Helène then you can't expect your name to be pronounced as such. Sorry.

RuggerHug · 09/08/2016 20:09

passthewineplz thanks for reminding me of the acdc song that was rewritten to be about my tits as a teenager Angry

sonlypuppyfat · 09/08/2016 20:13

I was Beverly for years and years with DHs aunt and uncle my real name couldn't be more different

Liiinoo · 09/08/2016 20:15

My DD has a very common abbreviation to her Christian name and is generally known by this. (Something like Lizzie) My MIL still hasn't got it right and always, always calls her Libby. After 21 years we just let it go. After all she also calls my DH Bernadette and his sister Andrew!

passthewineplz · 09/08/2016 20:15

Sorry rugger thats shite too! 😓

PersianCatLady · 09/08/2016 20:16

Ok obviously not the same as your name but my Dad pronounces a few certain words wrong and for some reason it really grates on mine and my son's nerves. The two most annoying ones are WiFi as WeeFi, Co-Op as Co-Orp. Every time he does it we correct him and he says whatever and continues to say them wrong almost as if it is to prove a point.

The point I am trying to make is that I cannot imagine how annoying it would be if it was my name and not just random words.

Tankerery · 09/08/2016 20:17

Where I'm from you'd be most likely to be called El-un.

We have a terribly smart friend called Piers, his equally smart wife calls him Pears.

It's not difficult to pronounce someone's name correctly if it's important to them YANBU.

FirstShinyRobe · 09/08/2016 20:17

I think people are missing the point with the helene thing,because that's putting a stress on the 2nd e.

It's like heaven with an L not a V. There's surely no-one who finds that difficult.

But yes, more of a Helun up north. But that is much closer to the heaven thing than the abomination that is -in.

(I really want to do a middle name sample of all of you Helens now)

(and I think I've said my name out loud more times in the past few hours than ever in my life before)

Greenyogagirl · 09/08/2016 20:20

Definitely accent.
I spent a long time telling people I lived in 'bonthorpe' they'd reply 'bandthorpe?' I thought I was saying Bon but my accent changed it. They probably don't realise they're not saying it right.
Fwiw I say hel-un Grin

fastdaytears · 09/08/2016 20:20

I'm from down south and I say heaven With a short unstressed final syllable too so that doesn't help me.

Am I saying everything wrong?

Does anyone remember the thread that included McDonalds pronounced mic-donalds? It was a massive bunfight and only lasted an hour or so but was amazing.

amusedbush · 09/08/2016 20:22

Every Helen I know is really nice. It's a classic

My gran is a Helen and she's a horrible cow 😒

I pronounce it 'hell-in', I find it really difficult to pronounce it any other way.

JassyRadlett · 09/08/2016 20:22

It sounds to me much more like accent than an actual alternative pronunciation.

I don't have a go at my Kiwi friend for saying the 'e' in my name differently from the way I pronounce it. She's not having a go or not valuing me, it's just her accent. I don't expect her to change her accent just to make her pronunciation of my name identical to mine.

ovosmexidos · 09/08/2016 20:22

I emigrated. Nobody can pronounce my first name OR my surname! (both very standard British names). My middle name is pronounable but in a totally different way.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Shakespeare, roses and all that.

SockQueen · 09/08/2016 20:22

I'm another Helen, and I pronounce it (and so does virtually everyone I meet) with a shwa on the second syllable, so the closest is Hell-un rather than -in or -en. I find -in mildly irritating but don't take offence. Have never been called -en by a native English speaker.

I also used to have a Ka, and resorted to calling it a Kay-Ay after multiple conversations along the lines of
"What car have you got?"
"A Ford Ka (car)"
"Yes, but what sort of Ford?"
Sigh "A Kay-Ay."

Andylion · 09/08/2016 20:23

I'd find it hard to pronounce the second -e the same as the first because it's unstressed (and therefore pronounced as a schwa).

Exactly. I'd have to give the syllables the same stress in order to pronounce them both as "en", and it would sound laboured; you'd probably think I was taking the piss.

DinosaursRoar · 09/08/2016 20:25

But they aren't calling you the wrong name, they are just pronoucing it in their accent, not yours or "queen's english".

If they were calling you Helena or Ellen, or Snotface-saggyarse, then you'd have cause for complaint, but they are pronoucing your very ordinary name in the very ordinary way for their accent.

LarrytheCucumber · 09/08/2016 20:27

DD is Helen and I had a colleague who pronounced it Hellin.
She also said tissyou and choklit. Just had to put up with it in the end.

jo10000 · 09/08/2016 20:30

I have been told off for mispronouncing the name of my daughter's friend, who's called Ellie. I tried and tried but have been told it comes out as Allie. Am now wondering if I pronounce elephant wrong! Just saying that I think I am saying it the right way, even when I'm concentrating, but obviously can't do it. Now I just avoid using her name at all.