Is life harder for unattractive people?

[CherryPicking]

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

I love the beautiful people on this thread. You're all ace.

I used to be a model, in my teens. I have never ever, ever considered myself to be beautiful. Not then, not now. Not fat, not thin.

I think life is harder for people who struggle with how they look, whatever they look like. Superficially attractive people may get free coffees. But some of the most attractive people I know - it's nothing to do with how they look. The most successful people aren't the best looking.

It's all about your confidence and self-belief.

I think confidence has more to do with success in life than looks. Attractiveness can be an attractive personality, not necessarily a good looking person. I know people from all walks of life, the confident ones are the successful ones, not necessarily the good looking ones, goes for both men and women I think.

Witchend, this thread keeps reminding me of a now-banned MN poster who was supremely confident in her physical beauty. Eventually she started posting photos of herself and ... well, she wasn't objectively beautiful. I reckon she had more than the average quota of narcissism. In some ways, I envy it!

I say I'm beautiful because false modesty isn't a nice trait (to me, anyway.) I have a lot of MH and anxiety issues so worrying about my appearance is way down on the list - Only one of my attractive friends spends ages doing her hair/makeup in the morning. The rest are casual and I don't wear makeup most of the time. Being good looking can be really hard. You never know if someone likes you for you or your looks, making female friends is extremely difficult,men assume you're up for it (even when I'm out with my DC! When I was pregnant was worse though) Very few people are interested in your opinions.

There are definitely a lot of perks to being good looking, but it's not like it solves all your problems.Because of my MH issues, my looks just make things worse TBH.

Sorry that wasn't the point of the thread. I just get frustrated when people assume you must be an arrogant so and so because you don't use false modesty.

Please excuse my vent.

I'm very much "on the spectrum" in terms of Aspergers. I only realise this now, having a diagnosed child with asd and I see stuff which relates to me now, and as a kid/adolescent which were "just Eliza" but actually were Aspie. I'm a person whose mood/feelings are "written all over my face". I try to mask it and I try hard socially though feel exhausted after. My attractiveness, (and I am NOT pretty) has helped me enormously. I think without it, I'd have needed to try even harder if that makes sense so, in that case, I think life IS easier for attractive people.

Years ago, I was on a week long residential course with a group of strangers. At the end of it, we had to each write something positive about each other and place the comment in an envelope, marked with our names, to take home with us and read at a later date. I remember feeling upset because they had all commented on my apppearnace and I was saddened that clearly, for them, my looks were the only thing they "saw" about me. Moving house a few years ago (so, 20 or so years later) I found the envelope and reread the comments. I smiled as I read them; I'd missed the point entirely. They said things such as "a very unusual young woman; she has no idea how beautiful she is" and "lovely looking girl, radiates a calm beauty". My partner of the time said "I think that's you exactly. When we met, you had no idea that you lit up the room when you walked in....it was just what you did". All my life, I've suffered crippling shyness and would never have assumed anyone saw anything much in me.

I have a step daughter now who is 27. She is fascinatingly beautiful. I love to watch her talk, laugh, smile. I don't thing she is aware of her looks but she really is very lovely. She's had some heartbreaking things happen to her in the past and yet, she radiates. Really shines.

I've been on both sides of this. I was very attractive in my twenties (I did a lot of modelling for petite ranges), but developed a thyroid problem in my 30's, packed on the weight and haven't aged very well generally. When I was pretty, there was a lot more male attention, and elderly people for some reason were also often lovely to me ("doesn't she just look like a little doll??"). However, it was difficult to be taken seriously at work (secondary school teaching), and I think some women also thought I was a bitch before they'd even spoken to me. I used to be a 9/10, now I'm more like a 4, and it just seems like I've faded into the background. Being plain is MUCH easier at work though.

So not reading all the thread.

I think life is harder for people who have issues with their looks as it reflects on their confidence.

I'm probably a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10, don't wear make up and need to lose a few dress sizes but i can't say i've had issues getting jobs, making friends etc because my looks rate very low on my importance.

I can see how if you felt very unattractive it would carry into other aspects of your life.

I guess being very beautoful cluld also cause people to judge you quite harshly (shallow, just a pretty face etc, general female bitchiness) which could make some aspects of life harder

Try not worrying about the 'vibes' you're giving off! Smiling and listening twice as much as you talk are all that's generally needed

Ha ha.

Yes it's so simple isn't it... still I end up being some kind of fast talking babbling wreck as I frantically try and think of something interesting/intelligent to say only to have to surgically remove my foot....

Being very attractive can have its disadvantages. Unwanted attention from men, and spiteful jealousy from women.
But I believe the advantages of being attractive generally outweigh this.

I don't believe being unattractive offers anywhere near the benefits as being attractive does, and that overall life is much harder.

I don't think it is, throughout school I was bullied "you think you're too nice"

Oh gosh I didn't mean that in a sarky way...

Light hearted I promise

I would say yes. I'd hope so! Life has been hard for me.

Pleased Same. What on earth posses a man to proposition when you're with your children? I've had it happen at panto ffs!

There's a fair bit of evidence that being beautiful gives you advantages. Attractive children even get better marks when teachers see them compared to blind marking. its very ingrained and very human.

I'm ugly and have done fine though, it's not like it's impossible to overcome. It's easier now I'm older, I seem to invisible rather than offensive so I don't get things shouted at me anymore thank god.

I think it depends MrsLion on what points in life you are measuring. I have always done well at interviews, i've dates lots and think the breakdowns have been more personality than looks. I have large circles of friends. None of those factors are affected by my looks.

I've never been the girl to get drinks brought her, no one gives up theor seat for me, which would probably all happen more if i was pretty but but they don't affect my quality of life

SpecialAgentFreyPie Men these days just don't have any consideration "Are they yours, I'll be a good step dad"

Everyone on this thread will have their own experiences to report on, but the raft of evidence does support the OP in that life is easier for attractive people - a quick google search will indeed tell you all you need to know.

I don't think I am beautiful, but I am probably above average attractive and I definitely look a lot younger than I am. I have never failed to get a job, so I have definitely benefitted in that respect. When I hire staff I don't really think about how good looking they are, I am far more interested in how reliable they will be, and whether they are going to fit into the team and just get on with the job.

I do suspect that it is men who are more likely to favour an attractive woman and enhance her career.

I work in a very male dominated field and I know that some people think I have slept with pretty much everyone to get where I am, but I really haven't. I have however, had a boss tell me that I am "the acceptable face of x profession" and that my main asset is thatI am "good at getting people to like me." I have never been entirely sure if he was talking about my appearance or my charm!!

Reading this thread makes me realise how lucky I am to be the kind of woman who can either blend into the background, or be considered good-looking, depending on whether I'm having a good or bad day, and the amount of effort I have made.

I have a very beautiful friend (both inside and out, I might add), who is a model and I've sometimes wondered if I'd like to swap looks with her, but with the amount of harassment from men and people thinking she must be stupid (with two degrees...) I actually think I'm better off.

I get the impression that attractive men find it a lot easier than attractive women. Nobody assumes that an attractive man isn't good at or committed to his career. In contrast, I think that older men can often be slightly uncomfortable around attractive younger women (and to be honest I think most professional women are attractive when they are young regardless of exact size and shape etc!). Some men seem to find it difficult to know how to treat attractive women, which leads to them at least subconsciously feeling more comfortable supporting and having more social contact with men. That can be very damaging to a young woman's career, especially in a male-dominated profession where that form of subtle discrimination might not always be obvious.

I think that the real issue is the extent to which looks have an impact on a person's personality, ambitions and experiences. As a few PP have pointed out, attractive people may find life easier in some ways but they may also get more used to coasting and relying on their looks to get them out of trouble, which might put them at a disadvantage compared to those who don't let their looks define them and who are used to working harder and getting on with things. I have had times in my life when I have felt very attractive and times when I have felt plain. But overall I try very hard not to care about my looks and not to allow them to be part of my self-identity.

I also think that once you get to know somebody, their physical looks become much less important anyway. There are objectively attractive people I know who I would never think of as attractive because I know them too well or simply don't particularly like their personalities! So while being attractive might get you a job, it is not going to get you a promotion over somebody better once you have both had an opportunity to prove yourselves.

I do think the whole "she's attractive so she must be stupid" thing is simplistic.

If you had a Penelope Cruz lookalike with subtle makeup, in some glasses and a stylish, but conservatively cut suit, would people think she was stupid?

Probably not.

If you added heavy makeup, extensions, and an obvious boob job, then perhaps they would.

It's not so much that the assumption made by some is attractive = stupid, it's more a case of being obviously into her looks = stupid.

The fundamental issue here is that we are totally into the idea that beautiful = good. Hence beautiful princesses and ugly witches. Hence having to tell our daughters every day that they are beautiful. So many comments on this thread perpetuate this attitude - e.g. smile and you will radiate beauty and therefore people will think you are a good person.

blue I have never failed to get a job, so I have definitely benefitted in that respect

You don't think your skill set and experience are enough??

Certainly there's a lot of evidence to say that conventionally attractive people do better in life, and have an easier time of it. That's not their fault, but the value society puts in beauty. I'm sure there's exceptions to the rule (really beautiful woman or man being considered an airhead) but generally, the more you fit within societies acceptable limits in terms of appearance, the better off you are.

I'm plain. I can get to 'cute' if the make up sits just right but I know I've been looked over in love and career (interviews) because of it. But because I'm pretty awesome I can usually win people over. People tend to be drawn towards pretty people, especially if they're nice as well. I guess that's why they seem to be presented with better opportunities but maybe they earn it without realising. On my cute days I'm so much more smiley, I really own my style and carry myself much more confidently, and maybe that's what draws people in. When I'm feeling fat and frumpy I don't want to be seen by anybody and I guess that's not an attractive vibe to give off.