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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is life harder for unattractive people?

512 replies

CherryPicking · 06/08/2016 23:04

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

OP posts:
squidgyapple · 07/08/2016 13:48

I do think better looking people have advantages, I worked one place where basically I lived on site and we got to meet prospective employees the evening before the interview. If the candidates were the same sex then it was always the better looking one who got the job.

I'm not saying that the interviewers actively decided that they wanted to choose the better looking of the 2, it was a subconscious decision.

bluebeck · 07/08/2016 14:06

haze To be honest I don't know. I suffer from Raging Imposter Syndrome so it might be that talking.................

Atenco · 07/08/2016 14:08

"Attractive children even get better marks when teachers see them compared to blind marking. its very ingrained and very human"

So sad. Many years ago I worked in a nursery and the pretty babies were much more petted than the ugly ones. When I realised what was happening I made a conscious effort to pay attention to the less attractive babies.

But it did make me want to have a pretty baby, even if she turned out ugly in later life.

Kr1stina · 07/08/2016 14:11

Atenco - that's true IME as a parent . I have one good looking child who is smart but lazy and charming and gets away with murder in school.

The" geeky looking but hard working " one either get a teacher who actively dislikes him and is mean to him OR one who 'gets ' him and thinks he's cute and funny . Nothing in between .

Madbengalmum · 07/08/2016 14:14

I think it can go both ways. Being attractive can be a blessing AND a curse.
Yes, you can sometimes get on better, however, you can also be victimised by jealous individuals.
I think being particularly attractive or unattractive, either end of the scale can have a negative impact.

Original poster
CherryPicking · 07/08/2016 14:25

The weird thing is that I've experienced pointless jealousy from other women, despite looking like the back of a bus. I guess some people will always find something.

OP posts:
JanetStWalker · 07/08/2016 14:31

I suspect many young women get a lot of attention from men purely because of their youth and the pretty sheen that gives, not because they're particularly beautiful or even that attractive. Reckon that was the case with that Samantha Brick person, she was fawned over when in her twenties and conflated that into her being beautiful, when in reality she's average at best.

Tabsicle · 07/08/2016 14:35

I'm another who has been on both sides - a part time model and beauty contest winner at 23, definitely pudgy and not so glam aged 38.

When I was pretty I'd have sworn blind I wasn't that cute and it don't come with benefits. Looking back, I was very wrong and life was run on easy mode when I was little and pretty. Christ, I didn't even bother to buy train tickets because I knew I could make big lost eyes at the guard, claim to have lost my purse and get a free ride. Aged 19 I literally didn't buy food for a month at one point when I was skint - people just bought me stuff. I guess people didn't think I was that clever back then, if they met me socially, but I was doing my degree, then PhD back then, and it never hindered me there and I didn't care if randoms in the pub thought I was dumb as I was very sure I wasn't.

Having said that, I've got other stuff in my life I didn't have then which makes up for it - less crazy, more secure, not actually literally starving at times. But man, life would be easier if I was thin and pretty again.

SandyPantz · 07/08/2016 14:40

No! Not at all! At all! People tell be I'm stunning, and a lovely, kind, approachable person. I'm very sociable and fun.

Its much much easier to be "sociable and fun" if people greet you when they meet you, and smile at you in the first instance.

It's much harder to be "sociable and fun" when you are treated as invisible or as a bit of an emotional punch bag on your first encounter with people. Of course that'll harden you.

As for all these people whose beauty is "just" their friendly warm personalities showing through their face… it's not that they're fundamentally nicer than people whose expressions drop in between actively smiling due to genetics etc.

I had a right nasty housemate once whose "resting" expression looked like a half smile, and if she did actively smile her smile was really wide - NOTHING more than genetics, all her family had same face/jaw/mouth structure. She was incredibly nasty, but people always thought she was "sweet" because he face looked smiley. She would rip those people to shreds to her friends, but everyone who didn't know her well thought she was friendly and nice because of how her expressions fell.

RoboticSealpup · 07/08/2016 15:23

My sister and I are both gifted with 'bitchy resting face' and she tells me that she is treated with much more friendliness and kindness (by people who don't know her) since she got her lips plumped. It has softened her features, for sure.

On the other hand I don't get approached by chuggers or weirdos much. Grin

hazeimcgee · 07/08/2016 15:44

BLUE nezt time you get a good job, get praised for an achievment ETC recite to yourself "i got this job for my brains, skills and talents. I get free drinks cos i'm hot"

squidgyapple · 07/08/2016 15:51

That's interesting Robotic, I suspect I have the bitchy resting face too and, as someone recently commented, my upper lip is pretty non-existent. I have been thinking - would it be a completely dumb idea to get my lips done, or would I end up looking like Lesley Ash...?

bluebeck · 07/08/2016 15:59

LOL!!!! Never got the free drinks!! Can't be quite that hot!!! Grin

GarlicMistake · 07/08/2016 16:13

Actually, that's as good a benchmark as any :) Next time somebody's moaning about not being as attractive as somebody else, get them to reveal how much free stuff they're given, how often they're let off speeding tickets & train fares, etc, and whether doormen wave them in or make them queue.

The winner doesn't get to moan!

SuperFlyHigh · 07/08/2016 16:19

I've had both ends of the spectrum too, up until 12 years old I wore glasses, had unfashionable clothes and slightly buck teeth - then I got braces, ditched the glasses as it was found I only needed them for TV and reading and wore more trendy clothes, honestly it was ugly duckling syndrome.

I discovered I was in others words "very pretty" but I was also shy and lacked confidence. Men and women have been awful to me in the past. One female boss cattily said something to me like "we can't all be oil paintings like you can we Super?!" I can't even remember what I'd said but I certainly didn't think I was stunning.

but yes, I've got preferential treatment re entry into clubs, good tables at restaurants etc, random presents from people, upgrades etc..., jobs I've been given (and they (men) have admitted its down to my looks), I've even had people say to me "we thought you'd be a bitch as you're very attractive/trendy etc but you're actually really nice" Confused, you do really have to work harder to fit in.

Also, yes in past few years I've put on weight (11 stone at 5 ft 5) luckily haven't aged much (good genes) but though I'm still attractive I feel not quite as such now I'm a bit chubbier... But it really doesn't bother me much at all!

Wannabe what vile comments to make, I hope both girls got a short sharp shock when they grew up.

Roussette · 07/08/2016 16:29

I cannot imagine getting preferential treatment and all that stuff. Never ever has that happened to me, I don't have a face that fits!

I wouldn't mind knowing what it's like though...

Chipsahoy · 07/08/2016 16:30

I'm attractive..so I'm am told. My life has been pretty hellish. I've been used and abused and suspect some of that is because I was found attractive.

happyandsingle · 07/08/2016 16:56

I'm average at best and the harest thing for me is being physically attractive to men that I wouldn't stand a chance with. most of the men I could realistically get are just unattractive for me.
shallow but true.
my daughter is very pretty so I know she will probably have an easier time than I did.
lost a bit of weight lately and I'm surprised by how much more attention I get.
Think most men prefer slim women tbh

ethelb · 07/08/2016 17:02

I think people are more likely to remember you if you are beautiful which makes some things easier.

However i have had very beautiful friends who have attracted wankers who wanted trophy wives and not really interested in much else which has at times made dating hard.

I on the other hand have done well being someone who is more attractive than average but more of a 'type' than traditionally beautiful.

SuperFlyHigh · 07/08/2016 17:05

Rousette it's good on good days as you know that when you get free drinks etc it's mostly because you're part of a good looking crowd (as we were) you take it for granted.

Then later you find out some people (men) refer to you (2 of us in partcular) as "the glam beautiful girls" and on one occasion I heard someone in a ladies toilet in a club refer to me and Y as "the glam beautiful girls - but they're so up themselves aren't they?!" Cue tinkly little laugh from toilet cubicle. Then the toilet door opened and the 2 bitchy women came out (presumably from snorting some substance) and saw me, one of them had the good grace to say "oops" then they concentrated on their makeup and I just walked out.

It's also funny that sometimes men usually in clubs or at bars would ask us out on dates because "you're hot/beautiful/etc aren't you?!" Same went for ordering us a bottle of bubbly for our table, but then it was "we'd/I'd like to get to know you better". All very shallow really.

Roussette · 07/08/2016 17:13

But Super isn't it nice to be called glam and beautiful? If you've never had that, you really would like to try it!

I know that you and other beautiful people have far more going for them than being just glam or beautiful but it's nice for starters! I'd be revelling in it then proving I am super intelligent too!

Of course it's shallow but spare a thought for those of us who have absolutely no idea what it's like to be called beautiful.

Roussette · 07/08/2016 17:14

p.s. Me and my girlfriends tell each other how gorgeous we are and my DCs do too, so it isn't all bad!

cantshakeitoff · 07/08/2016 17:19

Yes. When I weighed three stone less people were definitely nicer too me. They'd dig out sales leads for me and generally helped me out more. (I'm talking about men.)

Now that I'm heavier and less conventionally attractive I have to fend for myself more.

user1466795981 · 07/08/2016 18:05

I think being attractive can open doors for people. Once those doors have been opened, they often close (relatively quickly) if the attractive person 'messes up' in some way.

I do think a very solid self confidence is more likely to result in favourable treatment than attractiveness if both are considered in isolation.

spankhurst · 07/08/2016 18:07

I'm on the fence a bit. The most classically pretty woman I know has a pretty tough time of it, lots of debt, single parent with difficult ex, etc etc. She got tons of male attention when in her 20s. Not sure if that counts as an 'easier' life, though.. Thinking back to my teens, the most attractive people then have had similar successes and difficulties in life as the average-looking ones.