Is life harder for unattractive people?

[CherryPicking]

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

I actually believe that being "breathtakingly beautiful" would be a bit of a PITA.

But being of above-average attractiveness, vs below-average attractiveness, makes people more willing to help you, or forgive you a slip-up, or more willing to give you the benefit or the doubt, or want your approval a tiny bit more.

It's all about the tiny things that add up.

When we talk about racism or sexism and "microaggressions", where tiny things that shouldn't matter in themselves add up to become a large part of your life experience - what's the opposite of that? Microkindnesses?

And of course you don't notice those microkindnesses, you just think that's how kind the world is.

They don't stop larger bad things from happening to you, but they might make them easier to deal with.

The real victims in all of this are attractive men.

No mater how pretty they are, they're never going to get waiters fawning over them or strangers buying them drinks.

My sil told me that the only reason I have a good job is because I am attractive.

In reality I am completely average.

What I do have is, when at work, is confidence. For some reason while I was pregnant with my second child, I stopped giving a shit about my body, my face and what other people thought of me. I just became me. I am never nasty but don't take crap. Instead of assuming people will hate me, I assume they will like me. In reality (especially at work) they probably don't have strong feelings either way.

Away from work I am having to still work on it. I find nights out with friends or meeting new people away from work much harder. I seem to have a work persona. My career improved with this new persona.

Which leads me to wonder if attractive people do better, in part, because of their confidence in themselves.

The real victims in all of this are attractive men.

Which leads me to wonder if attractive people do better, in part, because of their confidence in themselves.

But why are they confident? It's (usually) because people have treated them well their whole lives. Chicken/egg.

I have a pretty face and good hair stuck on the body of a blobfish. I have friends who are not pretty but have amazing figures and they have always gotten all the male attention, cool jobs in advertising etc

My conclusion - I think it is harder to be unattractive, and I think figure plays a higher part in that than face

The real victims in all of this are attractive men

Oh I'm sure they get by, having their pick of women & all that.

You know what special

Pretty sure I've had a similar game pulled in me.the whoever "pull a pig" thing.

Luckily it's never resulted in a list of everything I hate abut myself thrown at me.

But definitely seems ignoring and looks between people as someone clearly well above me starts trying to "chat me up"

I rarely talk to people if I go out now. I automatically just assume I'm. The button someone's jokes or put of a bet etc. Which could have back fired who knows. I might have been a bit of a bitch to someone who could have changed my.life ...

Good looks are an advantage especially in women, which isn't to say that you can't have a great life without them.

Definitely seen sniggers and looks

Damn phone

My best friend of 20 years is heartbreakingly beautiful. Rooms go quiet when she walks into them. That kind of beautiful.

Her life isn't exactly easy. But her day to day interactions with strangers are far more pleasant for her.

I've spent many many whole days with her and unfailingly, she has men rush back to doors they've just walked away from so they can open them for her. Free drinks from bar staff. Seats offered up. Etc etc.

Small things, yes. But things that make everyday life a much sunnier place.

As a disclaimer - I am aware these things can and do happen to anyone. But for her it's just a way of life, not a once-in-a-while "oh that was nice" moment.

Plenty of research confirms that people who are deemed attractive are more likely to get jobs, be believed, be well regarded, be deemed competent, have their actions interpreted positively by others, etc. Of course attractive people have problems too. But overall, in general, their lives do tend to be 'easier' in many ways. I'm not sure a lot can be done about it as it is such an unconscious bias. None of us think we are biased in that way of course. Most of us will swear blind that our behaviour to others is not remotely affected by how we perceive their attractiveness. But that's the thing with unconscious bias- were just not aware of it.
Not being deemed attractive by society is pretty hard. Think how much is made of physical attractiveness. Think what it's like to know that society sees you as unattractive. It's not nice at all. For every 'attractive' person who has been bullied or harassed because of their looks there will be many 'unattractive' people who have received similar treatment. And it's telling how much more sympathy the first group tends to get.
That said, horrible things that are done to 'attractive' people are just as bad as those done to 'unattractive' people and knowing that the former group enjoys a significant social advantage doesn't change that.

wherethefuck that's interesting. I would say my best friend I've known nearly all my life, is far far more attractive than me too, she is petite, classy and just pretty with lovely hair. I'm the opposite! I'm always in her slipstream TBH but I'm so used to it, I don't care. Also she has no confidence that she looks good. Whereas I'm more like the ugly sister and think I ain't doin' bad given my age. I suppose it's all about self perception. I can't understand how she doesn't think she's gorgeous and she admires my self confidence which she doesn't have despite being v attractive.

Interesting and moving thread.

I'm going to stick up for beautiful people - of both sexes - before this goes much further down the road of "never had to try so are all prats". Most beautiful people, I think, are really sweet. Life hands them stuff on a plate, relative to the rest of us, and the world smiles readily for them. All other things being equal, their experience of life is kinder & friendlier. So they are kind & friendly. Those fucking inspirational memes are actually true for them, so they're positive & encouraging. OK, they might come across a bit dozy if they haven't yet clocked their privilege - but they're nice to be around. Beautiful people enhance those around them, far more often than they undermine.

The converse often is true for those who fall below average 'beauty' standards. It can feel like they've got chips on their shoulders and a negative attitude - but they're only reflecting the truth of life as it treats them. Strangers don't smile spontaneously at them, business owners don't assume they'll attract customers; thinking positive doesn't much alter their outcomes.

You'd expect and hope that both the 'beautiful' and the 'ugly' will understand how it works fairly early on. When they do, they'll work on their personality & social skills and life will even out a little - but the beautiful still get the easier ride. They just learn to be appreciative and sceptical as appropriate. Those who refuse to learn develop ugly personalities, whichever side of the beauty fence they're on. And the beautiful who don't learn can suffer more as they age - because loss of privilege feels like oppression.

"The real victims in all of this are attractive men"

"Oh I'm sure they get by, having their pick of women & all that."

Ha ha :)

Ah, but women are well ahead of the game here and have realised that pretty doesn't equal "attractive", so have broadened the assessment criteria to include stuff like height, intelligence, sense of humour, ambitiousness, confidence, status and so on.

What about the good-looking, but petite, non-funny men of the world?Gorgeous faces, and naturally low body fat, but thick as a two short planks, with no major ambitions.

They must be cursing their genitalia and the free ride they missed out on.

Poor little lambs.

Humans are hardwired to look for a potential mate who appears young, healthy, fit, disease-free.

Of course as we get to know people, we become interested in their personality (or we should do, although as we all know some people never move on from that first impression) but the first instinct is hard to overcome from millions of years of evolution.

Thank you Garlic!

Oh Giles You talk as though you're some sort of monster. My heart is just breaking for you. My DS1 is only a child, but as I said upthread he still gets cruel comments from adults because of his facial disfigurement. Luckily he doesn't understand yet. I dread the day when he does

FullTimeYummy but what sort of women get their pick of the men you describe?
Very attractive ones. Tall, good looking, high status men wouldn't look twice at an unattractive women.

GarlicMistake - yes. I agree with everyting you said.

special I'm sure your ds is beautiful. And will continue to be beautiful. Inside and outside. You sound lovely and I know you wouldn't allow him to to grow up shallow and cruel.

I don't view myself as a monster do the worry. Experience has taught me alot about how people can see you and treat you when you don't fit in.

But looking back I wouldn't really have wanted to be friends with those people anyway. My friends are beautiful to me. In every way that matters and I'm lucky I've had some amazing friends. May not have scored freebies on the bus or waved into clubs but I could have trusted them with my life which as an adult I know that to be more important.

My experiences with men haven't always been so positive I grant you. I was an easy target.

I may not be skinny and pretty but I'm happy with the person I am in general.althoughi do wish I had the confidence. That's the part I really feel I missed out on and has cost me.

It's pretty impossible to undo 30 plus years of never feeling good enough. It becomes second nature to just accept that. But I can and do try to be a decent person and things can always be worse right...

I'm sure it is harder overall, yes and conversely, easier for v attractive people.

One of my daughters was given free food more than once by staff in Pret. She is pretty but also very sweet, polite and engaging and I'm sure it was more to do with that. She was 5 at the time.

Average looks here. Attractive enough with make up on but equally can look like a bag of tools on a bad day. Not remarkable by any stretch. Have recently lost weight and feel I am treated differently but believe it's because my self esteem has improved so I carry myself better, believe my voice is worthy of being heard more. and I think that's what makes me more attractive.

I think beauty/attractiveness is subjective. We see people differently. I see myself as average enough. There may just be someone out there who thinks I'm the most beautiful person they've seen. Granted, I've not met them but it's a possibility.

I also think that people with a lovely personality radiate that and it shows on their face, in their eyes etc.

Totally agree surferjet. Has anyone seen a premier league footballer who himself is not god's gift, with a woman anything but very very attractive? In fact this applies to most slebs TBH. It just would be refreshing if the rich and famous looked beyond looks if that makes sense.

As an aside... yet again that pratt Gregg Wallace has just married his fourth young wife on Twitter (he met no.3 there too). And yes she is strikingly beautiful whilst he's a round fat bald grocer. There's no fool like an old fool!

Oooops. He didn't marry her on Twitter! He met her on twitter after she asked him a cooking question, he's got a habit of doing this!

I also think that people with a lovely personality radiate that and it shows on their face, in their eyes etc

Yes definitely.

Don't get me wrong I can and do join in the gorgeous celeb threads along with everyone else.

But I met someone the other day who wasn't overly good looking but just his smile and his kind eyes and the way he laughed.... I lost the ability to construct a sentence....

OK I'm taken so I can't and wouldn't anyway. But I was surprisingly attracted to this guy... totally out of the blue.