Is life harder for unattractive people?

[CherryPicking]

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

I used to be a fashion model back in the 80's, and when people discovered that I actually had a brain and an opinion of my own, they would become positively hostile! I was supposed to giggle and defer to the men. Women would ignore me and be downright bitchy. When I'd go about in my normal everyday clothes, tracksuit, scraped back hair, and thick glasses, no make-up. I found most people a lot more friendly towards me the plainer I looked!

I think life is harder, but not necessarily simply because of how people react to less attractive people in the moment, but more because of the slow erosion of self esteem that growing up with a negative body image (or bad feelings about how you look generally) can have. As someone who grew up feeling ugly (bad acne) but look ok in my 30s, I feel that the years of feeling crap about my looks certainly took their toll. My confidence is more impacted by that than how I actually look now, or how people react to me.

I think people do treat you differently when you are concisered more attractive, people - well males -are more eager to please/help you and women seem to be more against you (not all but a majority are anyway) .
...But I'm sure we all have our gorgeous days!

I'm extremely plain verging on ugly without makeup/hair done.

I scrub up to the degree that I've been described in the past (not often, mind) as stunning/amazing. It's really odd.

First impressions whatever they are, will get you a foot in the door, after that it's up to your ability to persuade/convince/attract a person to like and accept you, we are all attracted to pretty, easy on the eye things, be it a car, a dress, or a person, but in the end it boils down to what is under the wrappings, are they really what you are looking for/what you need.
Good looking people initially have easier times in their lives, but usually it's their confidence that comes with their looks that help them along, also remember that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
Good looking people do also have it hard sometimes...trophy wife..she is only with him for his money...she only got the promotion because she ??? Not because she deserved it through shear hard graft..etc etc.
My friend thinks Kate M... Is gorgeous, I don't, for many reasons that she just can't see!!! ???

Susan Boyle.....nothing got in her way!! Low Self esteem holds people back not being unattractive. Sorry Susan...

Susan Boyle is successful because she is unattractive. Her voice is average for the style she sings in. If she was even averagely attractive, her voice would be considered less "special".

Firstly I personally think people need to be beautiful on the inside and be a nice person to be outwardly beautiful even if they are physically attractive the words and actions from a person make or break at interviews and such.
However I see someone mentioned being beautiful made her feel that others thought she got by because of her looks. And another post from another lady stating that she had a better brain. Id like to think neither are true, but from the comments we are all judging because unfortunately I think this is a general theme of how women judge one another thanks to media etc. Unfortunately I think it can be or at least feel more difficult for people who are not considered to be very attractive, although the world would be very boring if we all looked the same. However I think try to smile at people everyday try to say hello to people more see the beauty in others and they see it in you. :)

Personally, and I know this sounds odd, but I don't have a clue whether I'm attractive or downright ugly. In fact, I'm really confused and wonder how people can judge themselves as either tbh.
Having been brought up and compared to my brother and sister I was compared very unfavourably, believing that I looked uglier than a rhino's backside.
However, in my later teenage years and until my mid twenties I had quite a few boyfriends. I most definitely wasn't what they call 'easy' at all, but I definitely had some good times. Those were the best years of my life, except the incident of a vicious rape at 18, when some man broke into my room.
I eventually settled with a man who's kind in spirit, mediumish in looks and 'safe'. He admired my smooth skin, but absolutely nothing else. I asked him the other week what attracted him to me. All he could reply was that I was ok and he liked me. Not exactly what I was looking for. I guess I was looking for something at least complimentary. I'm beginning to wonder whether his derotary comparison of my body shape to his sister's was a huge flashing neon warning sign.
It has been scientifically shown that each of us need to have seven at least strokes a day. Whether it be an admiring glance, a compliment from someone, even a pat on the shoulder from the o/h, anything.
I don't get any of that now and my self esteem is at rock bottom.
In fact, to add fuel to the fire I was recently in hospital in a side room and was sexually assaulted. He also commented upon my beautiful skin. Is that all men see about
me, because I don't!
I haven't been coping well whatsoever as I was also raped at 18. I'm really confused in fact, as my DM has always maintained that women who are raped or sexually amused "ask for it". I didn't in either case. Without going into detail, I didn't. The police have confirmed that I most definitely didn't.
My husband has withdrawn from me even more. He's not wanted sexual contact for five years now due to some surgery I had to have and how it's changed me permanently. I've now lashed out at him completely and told him he's not getting any anyway. Regardless. If he wants any form of a relationship, he needs to behave as my husband.

I'm wondering if my lashing out is warranted. I feel so hurt to the core. I feel so unsupported. He controls every aspect of my life, including the petrol in my car, the money in my bank and the minutes I use on my phone. It doesn't help at the moment temporarily, that I'm bed bound, but now disabled for life. I know I'm deteriorating. I'm wondering if he's sticking to me to ensure he gets my half of the house and everything else.

User, start a thread in relationships. There are so many posters who've been where you are and are now very happy.

user your husband is not kind in spirit. I know it must be very very difficult right now due to your recent surgery, but you need to get away from this man - as Frey said, start a thread in relationships, plenty of people will have advice for you x

Superficially, yes, more attractive people have it easier. But the rest depends on how you use and appreciate what you have got.

Yes, very often attractive people do better than the more "plain" looking. There are umpteen "actors" of both sexes who are really untalented who get work purely because of their looks. It is often the same with singers and musicians. Have you noticed on any TV show where orchestral players are required, they are nearly always very attractive women? It's not about their playing but their looks. I can say this as someone who works in "the industry" and know lots of actors and musicians and singers and invariably there are far better people not getting work because of looks. Katherine Jenkins has improved as a singer but when she first hit prominence anyone with significant trainer could pull her apart for her breathing, her phrasing, her tone. She got signed up by the record company because she was marketable LOOKS wise first and foremost with enough of a voice to "fool" Joe Public.

I absolutely think that it's true!
I'm not beautiful but my cousin is (7/8 years younger than me). When I went on maternity leave I 'gave' her my job in admin. In the first week or two while I was still there training her she had people falling over her and asking who she was etc because she was so beautiful. I don't even think these people knew my job even existed before she started! Before this job she had been running a bar about 2 hours from home. A job that she didn't apply for or interview for but was just offered with absolutely zero bar experience let alone management (she was 19)

I would agree that life is harder for the less attractive. I noticed it when I was a child at school. I'm not the worst looking but certainly not attractive. I also lacked confidence which didn't help. I found it difficult to find friends and was ignored by teachers. I was probably one of the most academic but never received any encouragement. I was also bullied about my acne and being too thin (yes thin!) I remember watching the beatiful girls swanning around school with girls and boys running after them. It used to make me sick. It all seemed so unfair. What did they do to deserve all the attention?
I then found it hard to even get a Saturday job in a shop. I longed to be pretty as I thought this would make all the difference. Boys never even noticed me let alone asked me out. I spent many years in hiding afraid to go out and face more rejection.
One day I just decided to not let my looks hold me back....I now have a decent job and a partner but I still think I've had to work a lot harder to achieve any thing. A lot of this has been working against my own lack of self esteem but although I haven't thought this way in years, now I've seen this thread, it has made me think about how life would have been a lot easier had I been pretty and consequently had more confidence in myself. I now look at my DS and hope that he will have looks on his side.

Do teachers really not not give encouragement to less attractive children?!

I think attractiveness and being photogenic/having conventional good looks are very different things. The former is very subjective and I think what I find attractive personally goes against the grain somewhat. With the latter I think a significant section of the population really do suscribe to it. I have been on job interview panels where I thought someone was good but the others would be trying to allude to some vague sense of them not being right. I know it was just that they weren't photogenic and didn't have the expectation to be favoured (which the panels would focus on saying they didn't come across as persuasive or some such bullshit). They wouldn't get the job. A friend of mine in a different sector experienced it too. Although hers was an all female panel they only considered leggy blonde photogenic women. They would dismiss others saying 'I can't imagine she would fit in here'.
So in short it is obvious to me conventional attractiveness opens a huge number of doors. Employers think their company will look better, people throwing parties think it will make their parties better. I had a friend once who was almost entirely sustained by freebies from gay men - free haircuts, clothes, etc.
I also think that glamour plays a part too.if someone has a daring sense of style, perfectly turned out with hair, make-up etc all on point they get similar special treatment to naturally photogenic people.

I am not gorgeous and never have been , always had issues with my weight , currently at my heaviest . I am also in my mid 40's .

The thing that I think has seen me through though is the fact that I like people , big , small , fat , thin , pretty or not , old or young etc . I enjoy talking to people and I am interested in what they have to say .

When I was younger I was rarely proposistioned by people when I first met them , but I seemed to 'grow' on people and so was never short of offers . I have had the full range of boyfriends in the looks department from drop dead gorgeous to average to what some might describe 'ugly' ( ugly chap had been blessed in other more satisfying ways ) . I can honestly say that what they looked like wasn't why I was with them , infact one of the average looking ones was my first true love !

I am amazed people call themselves beautiful. Surely people have different opinions on beautiful. They might think they are. Doesn't mean others think so. But if I were I can't imagine saying it.

But some people are undeniably beautiful. It's just a fact. Why are some people so shocked if someone is able to look at themselves objectively and say 'yes, I am beautiful'?

I spent my teenage years feeling really unattractive/ugly due to bad hair and spots - like so many of us. Nowadays if my hair looks good then the rest of it seems to follow suit.

piggypoo you obviously look less intimidating when you go for the plain look. Many of us, especially when we were young, felt 'lacking' if we didn't look as great as all the fashion models. Those who were less than perfect stupidly compared ourselves to them. We didn't take into account all the beautifying stuff that went on to make something fabulous.

user1470269632

get your arse over to relationships my lovely.

also did you report that sexual assault in hospital? if not may I gently ask why? that's absolutely awful.

sending your way

Justine - People can be very superficial and real shits. You mention your daughter; would you be able to bring yourself to volunteer for her school's PTA? They're usually very welcoming.
Wishing you all the best xxx

I think the female opinion is a bit bias because you get batted around no matter which you are. If you're not attractive, you're ugly and don't deserve respect for XYZ, if you're attractive you don't deserve respect for ABC. It's lose-lose, and most of the time people think their lives are harder than others.

It's not easy being either and I don't think that either are worse off. Both of them suffer equally but in different ways, when we're talking about general social situations.

Longsuffering24 Rotten, the experience that you had at school. Those teachers should have been shot!
I'm a teacher. My current school is a lovely, caring place full of teachers who are truly committed to the children. We have a high percentage of EAL and SEN children who feel loved and supported. At a previous school, one teacher I can think of, who thought she was trendy and attractive and acted like a Year 10 girl, used to ignore the poor souls with the bad skin, weight issues, anyone who wasn't British born and bred and focus all her attention on the 'pretty' girls (plastered in orange foundation girls) and popular boys, even flirting with the Jack the lads! I'm happy to say that this is not the norm in my experience.
I think that 'beautiful' people have a brief advantage, a foot in the door. If they then are incompetent or unpleasant, the initial advantage does not last. Often it's about confidence - Google 'People who think they look like celebrities' - if you're self-confident and happy, people are drawn to you.
I suffer with anxiety which is much better since I went on suitable meds. I had a job interview just over a year ago. I'm fat, nearly 50, suffer with psoriasis (on my face, as well as elsewhere). Hadn't had an interview for about 11 years. Frankly I was bricking it. Slapped on a big smile, wore one of my most colourful outfits, no makeup (sod that) and prepared, practised, rehearsed for my interview. Got the job ;)
Fake self-confidence, tell yourself you're worth something and it really helps.

For me personally I'd say yes, but I feel it's due to my own issues i.e. Self esteem and confidence. Being ugly has had a very negative affect on my personal view of my self and my mental health in general because I feel unworthy and inadequate my confidence has always been rock bottom especially after being bullied for my looks throughout my time at school. This has led to me not having the confidence to assert myself, take on opportunities etc. Because I don't believe I deserve nice things or that I will fail if I try because of I'm stupid/ugly. It's a vicious cycle.