Is life harder for unattractive people?

[CherryPicking]

I know life can be hard for lots of reasons, and that discrimination can take many forms more serious than this, but putting all other factors aside just for now, is day to day life that little bit harder for less attractive people? For example, are people less likely to be accepting of someone behaving assertively, either at work or elsewhere, if the person in question isn't easy on the eye? (I'm not much to look at myself if that makes any difference). What about things like job interviews or social situations, meeting new people?

Roussette to be honest I spent most of my childhood and teenaged years being shy and not feeling "pretty" so indulged in studies, I think if I had been more conventially attractive and more importantly more confident I'd have found "being glam and beautiful" easier when I was an adult. And make no bones about it, though I look good (but not stunning) without makeup the "glam and beautiful" comments were because we wore short dresses, lots of makeup, coiffured hair etc... It wasn't as obvious as it can be now (no fake tan etc) but we certainly "made an effort" to look that way.

Also I hate to say it but I was a bit of a bitch myself (not all the time) back in those days, the clubbing scene is full of them. I'd rather now be known for being a beautiful person in character than looks, trust me. Strange to say, not FB friends with them but checked the clubbing crowd the other day and the "plain Janes" have actually aged really well and look good.

cant I agree with you a bit re the weight. I occasionally get the odd comments from men as I'm far more curvy than I was... I'm confident enough that I let it wash over me generally but it did hurt the other week to hear them comment as i walked past on my way home from work, I did think to myself "what sad men you are really!" Especially as they were on the wrong side of 30 themselves with the bodies etc to match!

I once knew this woman who on paper would have been plain looking, not pretty at all! But the way she dresses and held herself and oozed 'something' made her extremely attractive so that you were just drawn to her!
She moved away but on days when I feel unattractive I think of her and I smile and say hello, hold my head up and be friendly, confident and happy. REALLY that is attractive.

Myself, I have a look that is sweet and pretty and friendly and nice and yes it does make my life easier as people warm to me easily. But it is also a curse and a barrier as people consider me sweet and pretty and I really am not!

If we make the best of what we have got and what we have been given, we can all be very attractive!!!!

Since cosmetically treated bitch faces have come up:

I am, apparently, a much nicer person "on the inside" , when my botox is up to date. People like me, I don't have many confrontations etc.
If I don't get it topped up though, people who don't already know me well treat me like I am a total bitch, I end up in lots of confrontations because people think I'm rude when I speak to them just because of how my face sits. I am not any nicer or nastier depending on whether I have up to date botox, but I may as well be a totally different person by the difference in how I'm percieved by people when I've frozen my frown lines

Someone down thread said that if people are nice on the inside it shines through their face/smile! Bollocks! they're just blessed with the opposite of resting bitch face and because women are supposed to be smiley and cute, if you're not you're deemed unpleasant.

I first got botox when a boss called me in to tell my off about my face. I told her "If I was a man, having a serious face would make me look MORE professional, but because I'm a women, it's a faux pas to look professions", she agreed but said that be that as it may, clients didn't like my face. She knew that I had the know how and skills, but could I please do something about my face, she suggested an acting coach to "train" my face to be more smiley.

I shouldn't feel that I "have to" get botox just to go through life and work without being treated like I"m a problem (men in my family with the same serious face genes do very well professionally) but I'm just so tired of dealing with confrontations because people think I'm being confrontational just by looking at them with my serious frowny face. And botox solves the problem

I'm much happier when I have botox because people are nice to me, I have no "issues" at work with "personality clashes", and its so much easier to be liked.

The only time a stranger has ever called me beautiful, she was tripping. She came out of a nearby park and just held my face in her hands stroking it (I didn't mind, she was quite cute) with these wife eyes and sense of wonder. I like to think she was so high she could see my soul.

wide eyes. Not wife eyes (Freudian slip)

Happy and single what is the approx dress size of 'slim' do u reckon for 5'5 woman?

I'm currently 13s large size 12 and men still check me out, less than in my 20s, but wonder if I've got too big? I was 11st before. Interesting to know.

Bumpety this is probably an odd example, but if anyone remembers Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, the bloke who did the fashion stuff was actually a bit odd looking, but he was confident and dressed well and actually was put forward as something to aspire to despite not being conventionally good looking on a v bitchy show. He didn't join in with the bitching and was truly 'attractive'.
Point being you can be 'attractive' without an obviously pretty face.

Totally easier for beauties... When I was younger I had beautiful skin, thick hair and was effortlessly thin. My pregnancies killed my thyroid - my hair became thin and frizzy, my skin dry and prone to breakouts and rosacea, and I put on 50kg (nearly 8 stone) - pregnancy weight and then kept going. My eldest is 12 and my youngest two are about to turn 10. It has taken me this long to lose (most) of this weight. I became invisible, felt judged every time I ordered in a restaurant or cafe. Now that my weight is in the normal range (hair and skin not quite recovered) - people talk and smile at me, I look and feel 20 years younger and I can eat what I damn well want without people judging. (Although let's be honest, if I do eat what I want, I'll get fat again....)

I've always been considered "beautiful" since I was a small
Child, I feel I always have to be extra nice when I meet people as they always instantly think I'll be a bitch or worse thick, friends of friends have commented in the past after meeting me "Brownhair really is nice and down to earth I didn't expect that". This can be exhausting to be constantly proving your not thick or mean. So some situations no it's not easier.

Men say I am beautiful, make comments about my appearance. Women never do, in any way.

I was badly bullied in my early teens (largely down to a bad haircut but also that I didn't fit in) for being ugly.

I don't think I am beautiful at all. I'm average but have a fairly good personality.

Female friends have said I'm pretty or beautiful and yet throughout my life I've never had much in the way of male attention, way less than my friends. I have always got on fine with people in general e.g in the workplace so I'm assuming my personality isn't too awful. My mum once told me I must be so pretty that men were too intimidated to make a move, I wish . Do men and women perceive beauty differently?

I think beautiful people are more likely to have strangers be friendly to them and maybe more helpful than they would with a plain looking person (holding doors, buying drinks, helping with bags etc) but that doesn't necessarily mean they have an easy life. My sister was stunning, and had a bastard of a time through her life. And she picked awful men who seemed to want to "knock her down a peg or two" (actually said to her by one) and would put down her appearance, personality... anything they could. Women were often unkind and seemed to take pleasure in seeing her suffer. She was beautiful on the inside too, and didn't deserve any of the shit life threw at her.

I'm plain bordering on unattractive, and while life has been tough I don't think being good looking would have changed that. If anything I think blending into the scenery protected me somewhat.

I've always been very overweight, and have genetic baldness that's been getting obvious since my mid 20s. People have heckled me on the street occasionally ever since I was a kid. I was always bullied and rejected at school. I've never been given freebies in shops or been bought a drink by anyone except for close friends. It's noticeable how much better more physically attractive friends have been treated by the public in general - they get more leniency for their mistakes, better service in shops and restaurants, nicer servings of food from street vendors, more support from teachers, more help if they're ill or in distress.

Recently I've cut my hair off because it was getting so thin it was basically a comb over. It's amazing the difference in how people treat me if I'm wearing a wig or headscarf. With a pretty wig on or a feminine scarf I've been flirted with and everyone smiles at me and people come up and chat to me, whereas going without I've had shop assistants being incredibly rude for no reason or follow me around as though I'm some sort of thief, and I've even had someone question that my baby belonged to me! I always smile at strangers and speak to shopkeepers politely, so it's not like it's anything to do with my attitude. Female baldness isn't incredibly uncommon, but now I really understand why women hide it rather than just shave it all off like most men do - people are cruel and unpleasant if you don't fit their standards of how it's acceptable to look.

I think life is harder for those who FEEL unattractive. With body dysmorphia on the rise, its so important to love our bodies and teach our children to feel confident in their own skin. As a child I was never called pretty, not even on my wedding day by my parents. I like what Forrest Gump said "ugly is as ugly does!" and “If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

― Roald Dahl, The Twits

I wasn't the "hot" one at school and was often called ugly. I don't think that being less pretty per se holds someone back, but a lack of self esteem does. I had massive low self esteem.

AIBU to wish people brought me free drinks even tho i'm married lol. I used to get more tips in the pub i worked in if i wore a low cut top but then they def weren't looking at my face!

I think if you believe you are attractive then you have more confidence....

I grew up with parents who never paid compliments or commented on my appearance. I had acne in my teens and battled insecurity and shyness following a family tragedy in my early adolescence.

I arrived late to the idea of makeup and fashion I suppose and it wasn't until I overheard comments or had comments made matter of factly that I was beautiful that I ever even considered I was attractive. Boys were never that interested in me at school.

Now in my thirties I look in the mirror and like what I see. I could do with losing a few pounds I guess, but like my hair and face overall...I look quite girl next door and don't make much of an effort day to day. But people always treat me differently when I dress up. Even I don't recognise myself..I guess I have good bone structure and carry makeup well. That's when I get the smiles, doors held open, heads turning in restaurants. I don't care about it now...it doesn't interest me tbh. My husband, family, friends...long afternoons in the park and bbqs...spending time with people who value you for who you are does. I hate the value placed on looks. It must be doing untold damage to today's teens.

Sorry didn't answer the question..got carried away. Yes sadly I think it is easier.

I used to get more tips in the pub i worked in if i wore a low cut top but then they def weren't looking at my face!

I always did this. Figured on crappy minimum wage I could cope with a few boob stares if I got enough tips to.enjoy a few drinks when I finished.

I have had men and women compliment me on my looks.Personally I really like it when women give me a compliment. Men often have an ulterior motive.

My sister and I both did modelling when younger, her life has been very bizarre and she has I think low self esteem and has never had a successful relationship. She told me she needed attention and to flirt to feel alive. It's a pattern she has got in to.

Our Mother was a truly great beauty and she had both a fascinating but horrendous life, got through four husbands. She is an incredibly bitter and unhappy woman. My sister is very like her.

Being attractive means some people won't take you seriously. People are always saying how handsome my DS is and I just find it a bit stressful. I have worried that I'm judged by looks only when I have done things that I am truly proud of like charity work.

Bloody hell, Resting, you boss told you off about your face???!! I get that you took this as it was intended and have found a strategy that makes life easier - but, !!!

As you say, it's only women who are required to appear soft & smiley - even, it seems, to the point where having expensive toxins injected into your mush benefits your career. Equality has a very long way to go yet!

I'm stuffed: as my jowls hurtle downwards, I look more & more miserable unless grinning like a loon (and displaying my wrecked teeth!) Can't afford a lift or a teeth job; will just have to take the rough with the smooth. And keep fighting, obvs.

I would love to see what people look like on here, to see if they really look how they describe. We usually see ourselves quite differently to how others would. Stuff trills I believe being breathtakingly beautiful would be very strange, people staring and looking at you all the time. I imagine it would be similar to a z list celebrity having lunch somewhere, few whispers and nudges 'look at her' sort of thing. I just blend into the wallpaper

I am really ugly, but blessed with a dynamic face...and people usually warm to me rapidly. They sympathise automatically and appear to decide I am trustworthy. I get a lot of people asking me for direction, or the time etc so I guess I look approachable. I never noticed how much a depend on that until I met someone who just didn't warm to me at all. Everything I said that would usually disarm and break the ice was thrown back with vicious spin. It was totally weird.

Anyway, I don't think it is all about the classic beauty, but I certainly think people are totally pigeon holed and discriminated against according to their looks.

In general I think the ugly get a rougher deal in life than all but the really good looking that have their own problems....

This worries a little bit. We are fortunate enough to have very good looking children. My STBXW is attractive (but by no means conventionally) and I don't think I'm hideous, but our children are definitely more than the sum of their parts. My eldest daughter especially (10) always draws comments from total strangers. (I hope this isn't coming across as a stealth boast). Whilst she's not especially aware of it, she is becoming so - especially now that people approach her directly. She would very much like to be a model - like her elder cousin, but it worries me that her looks will be the most interesting thing about her. If their looks mean that my kids get a slightly easier ride, then that's great (even though it makes me uncomfortable).

My (STBX)MiL was conventionally attractive. She married her husband (STBXfiL) as he was "good looking" now that she's in her 60's, she's struggling with the fact that she's no longer attractive. She's been reduced to passing judgements on others based on their looks. She's also realised that FiL, although "good looking" didn't have much in the way of drive/intelligence - and as such her life hasn't panned out in the way she would have liked. She would definitely argue that attractive people don't have an easier time of it.

It Most definitely is way easier for the more attractive ones

They attract friends , partners and employment a lot easier

However - there are some people who are not so attractive and yet blessed with confidence / I love the way they are !

Even with my DC and their peers I can see it

I am no angelina jolie- but my (OK) looks have helped me in a client facing role - for sure