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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp hates acknowledging the fact I might find others humans attractive

55 replies

Jezabella1 · 04/08/2016 19:58

I'm so jealous of couples that can happily say 'ooh xxxx from that film is so hot'. My dp hates it but It means nothing!

He hates it to the point I have to hide the fact that I think anyone but himself is physically attractive. It's not like I'd talking about people we know.

He never makes theses sort of comments about women himself so no double standards (although he's got plenty of negative things to say about them physically) and he never uses porn.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
davos · 04/08/2016 20:02

Why do you feel the need to point it out?

What is it about another couple saying 'X is so hot' that makes you jealous?

Personally I think if pointing it out is upsetting your dp, stop it.

You don't have to not find anyone else attractive, just not draw attention to it.

Sallystyle · 04/08/2016 20:03

Me and dh don't point out others we find hot.

I don't really care or want to know. I don't see why either one of us would draw attention to it.

I have been with dh for 10 years and I couldn't tell you if he has a 'type' or any celeb he fancies.

Original poster
Jezabella1 · 04/08/2016 20:06

I think it shows a closeness and trust within a couple that you can say for example 'Robert Carlyle, Dizzy Rascal, that Russian girl from peep show etc' are hot. Other couples do it and know it's just harmless fun.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jezabella1 · 04/08/2016 20:07

It makes me feel like a 'wanton harlot' for daring to find anyone attractive.

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 04/08/2016 20:07

I think he's weird.
My husband loves figuring out which guy in the film I fancy without me telling him. I clearly have a type because he always gets it right!

HermioneJeanGranger · 04/08/2016 20:09

I don't see the need to point it out.

I wouldn't be too happy if I was watching a film and OH kept commenting on how hot he found all the actresses. I mean, yes, everyone finds other people attractive, but I don't see why you'd tell your partner about it all the time.

davos · 04/08/2016 20:09

It's not an inductor of closeness at all. Some couples are close and do this, some couples are close and don't.

Doing something you know upsets you partner will damage any closeness.

NeedACleverNN · 04/08/2016 20:10

We do it

Have a look don't touch policy

Sallystyle · 04/08/2016 20:10

I couldn't be closer to dh. Talking about who we find hot won't make us closer or prove how much we trust one another.

There is nothing wrong with people who do point it out if both couples are happy with it but not doing so doesn't mean you aren't as close or as trusting.

OreosAreTasty · 04/08/2016 20:11

It makes your DP uncomfortable.
YABU to expect him to change so you can openly ogle Hmm

Haggisfish · 04/08/2016 20:11

My dh doesn't like this either so I simply don't say. Why would I deliberately hurt him?Confused

LindyHemming · 04/08/2016 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 04/08/2016 20:13

DH and I are a bit like U2's description. I know some couples do this and it's nice if it's part of their 'closeness' but I'm definitely not jealous of it.

I have seen the odd couple do it all as a bit of fun to start with but then they keep doing it but in a nasty way to piss each other off. That's obviously not what you mean though as imagine you wouldn't be jealous of it!

Trills · 04/08/2016 20:13

I don't see the need to point it out either.

If this is such a big deal for you, maybe you'd prefer a partner who did like to say "Taylor Swift is hot" ad you could in turn say "Tom Hiddleston is hot".

It's normal to discuss it, but also normal to not feel the need to discuss it or want to discuss it.

You are not being unreasonable to want to, but you are being unreasonable to expect him to want to.

rollonthesummer · 04/08/2016 20:14

A male friend's ex wife was like this-so jealous that it was almost funny who she 'allowed' him to fancy! They were all long-dead movie stars (Audrey Hepburn springs to mind!). They were no threat maybe...?!

They split up and he now laughs about what she was like!!

Original poster
Jezabella1 · 04/08/2016 20:14

I don't do it because he doesn't like it. Why can't I agree in a group conversation that some celebrity has a great body or nice eyes without offending dp. To me it seems childish and slightly possessive.

OP posts:
Cutecat78 · 04/08/2016 20:15

My OH loves Kate Beckinsale. I love Ashley Banjo and various others.

We think it's funny.

I see him look at other women in the street sometimes (occasionally and descreetly) and he thinks I haven't seen and I say "oh do you know her?" Smile

It's funny

Original poster
Jezabella1 · 04/08/2016 20:18

trills id love him to say who he finds attractive and not make out he's blind to all women but me.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 04/08/2016 20:20

My mum does it all the time, point out people who are attractive (both sexes) and I do wonder why she feels the need to tell me all the time.

It's mostly done in a 'Oh she has a beautiful face' 'Isn't his mouth lovely' kind of way and as much as I love her I don't really care Grin

Sallystyle · 04/08/2016 20:25

Maybe he doesn't give two shits about other women though.

DH's friend thought he was gay for ages because when they went out his friend would point out hot women and my dh didn't do the same. I can well imagine he never commented, it just isn't his style.

Sure, he is human so he has to notice other women but I don't think he gives a shit about it enough to comment or make a deal out of it.

BikeGeek · 04/08/2016 20:29

I don't really find people attractive on physical attributes alone so it may be that he's not hiding anything and making out he's blind to all women but you.

Trills · 04/08/2016 20:30

You sound as if you think that he is thinking "she is hot" and suppressing saying it.

I don't think that's necessarily the case.

Plenty of us on this thread just don't think that as an out-loud thought that we might consider sharing.

If you ask me if someone is hot I'll be able to tell you, but I don't walk around thinking that people are hot all the time.

HooseRice · 04/08/2016 20:33

A friend of mine used to bang on about how unsexy Cat Deeley was. A lot. It had never entered my head to consider the sexiness of Ms Deeley.

Turns out her DH had the hots for her.

RoboticSealpup · 04/08/2016 20:53

My DH and I don't do this either. He never comments on women's looks so I don't comment on men's either. I'm happy with this. If I feel the need to tell someone how hot Tom Wlaschiha some Game of Thrones actor is, I will talk to my sister. DH doesn't need to know every thought in my head.

YelloDraw · 04/08/2016 21:58

DP and I don't comment on other people looks.

I think I'd be unimpressed if he started banging on about how hot was.

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