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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp hates acknowledging the fact I might find others humans attractive

55 replies

Jezabella1 · 04/08/2016 19:58

I'm so jealous of couples that can happily say 'ooh xxxx from that film is so hot'. My dp hates it but It means nothing!

He hates it to the point I have to hide the fact that I think anyone but himself is physically attractive. It's not like I'd talking about people we know.

He never makes theses sort of comments about women himself so no double standards (although he's got plenty of negative things to say about them physically) and he never uses porn.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:

ReginaBlitz · 04/08/2016 22:06

Because it's disrespectful? Sorry I find it weird and you should be glad he isn't like that.

XiCi · 04/08/2016 22:09

So he doesn't say anyone is hot but he makes lots of negative comments about women's bodies? To me that's a lot worse than pointing out that someone is attractive.

I don't have any problem discussing things like this with DH. It would be a strange thing to get jealous over. Yanbu OP, he is being a dick.

DownstairsMixUp · 04/08/2016 22:11

Tbh I think all couples are different with this hence the above replies. I personally couldn't care less but if your dh doesn't stop. I would.

Claraoswald36 · 04/08/2016 22:14

Slight sore point with us. Dp gets a bit huffy about it. He can freely comment that an actress is beautiful and I don't bat an eyelid. He knows I think nothing of it. He has been freely (not gratuitously though) able to comment on how gorgeous the dds dance teacher is - she is i thoroughly agree and she's a great teacher and I really like her - so do the kids - great choice all around. I know I wouldn't get away with it if it was a bloke though!

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 04/08/2016 22:28

Op you sound ridiculous and childish it hurts your other half so dont do it? Simple yes yabu

Silvermockingbird · 04/08/2016 22:39

When my DH points out if another woman is attractive I always feel hurt. I can't help how I feel, I'm just insecure and only want him to have eyes for me people take things In diferent ways, if it's hurting him then don't point it out.

janey77 · 05/08/2016 00:40

We don't do this. We are both adults so obviously we find other human beings attractive, but personally I find it disrespectful. I don't tell him how fit I think so and so is, and I don't expect to hear it back.

MistressDeeCee · 05/08/2016 02:05

We don't get handed blinkers when we are in a relationship. Its normal to find other people attractive, all the time. I do. Even fantasise in my head what it would be like to sleep with them!

BUT - I don't discuss that with my partner why would I? & there's no way on this earth he'd get away with discussing any attraction to other women with me

Maybe your partner genuinely doesn't care about or find other women attractive tho, and so what? Its up to him you're not in control of his thoughts or reactions, live and let live

WanderingNotLost · 05/08/2016 03:47

Jeez, he wouldn't last 5 minutes with me! DP knows my top 5 and I happily tell him that I'd dump him for Henry Cavill when he said he didn't have a top 5 I thought of one for him!

sykadelic · 05/08/2016 04:44

You are the one being unreasonable.

He's being respectful by not pointing it out in front of you. It doesn't mean he doesn't find other people attractive, it means he wants you to feel secure and loved in your relationship. I don't think it's possessive at all.

I also don't understand your need for pointing out attractive people, or need to agree with other people pointing it out. Just because he doesn't appreciate you saying it in front of him doesn't mean that he doesn't know you find other people attractive or expect you not to find those people attractive, those thoughts aren't necessarily connected.

Like others have said, I wouldn't appreciate it if my DH did it so I understand why your DH doesn't appreciate when you do.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2016 05:19

He wants to feel secure in his relationship and make you feel secure. Just because other couples discuss the attributes of people on tv, it doesn't mean you must to be close to one another. Other couples have open relationships and threesomes, it doesn't mean you should too. He sounds pretty respectful. Don't shoot yourself in the foot, there are many men out there, who aren't.

Original poster

Jezabella1 · 05/08/2016 07:10

Okay, I didn't see it that way before.
I think I grew up with Friends (as in the tv show) where they had their 'list' and everyone was cool with that.

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 05/08/2016 07:13

I don't think most people would have a problem with it OP however, he does & you need to stop comparing yourselves to other couples, as there's no right or wrong.

davos · 05/08/2016 07:32

I grew up with friends. However I don't expect my life to be like that. It's a tv show.

If the characters in friends were real, in general, they would be all fairly dysfunctional people. To show characters are not meant to be real, they are all exaggerations of real life. 10 years of normal life wouldn't have made s hit TV show.

I wouldn't have had any of them thrown at me to have as a friend or a partner.

Helmetbymidnight · 05/08/2016 07:36

I get a stupid grin on my face when I fancy someone on tv... It's a give-away.
Your dh sounds like a nice sensitive soul just with a different style to you. Save up your lists for when you're with mates...or on mumsnet!

Original poster

Jezabella1 · 05/08/2016 07:56

Okay I was unreasonable, now here's my (admittedly, slightly eclectic) list adding to the ones in the op
Viggo Mortinson, but only as Aragorn
Snoop Dogg
Aiden Turner
Ewan McGregor
Robert Webb
Damn, minds gone blank

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2016 07:57

Friends is hardly real life. Perhaps you need better reference points?

MrsKoala · 05/08/2016 07:58

It's not something i really think about or say out loud. I don't ever (and never have) sit drooling and thinking about how attractive a person is (even as a teen i never had posters of people on my walls) and i five all these top 5 lists and who would you shag conversations a bit odd and immature (that friends episode that everyone bangs on about is beyond childish and tedious and if someone told me they had a list i'd think they were a twat 14). Often there are people who i think if i saw them in a film, oh yes they are nice, but certainly not enough to say it out loud.

DH may occasionally say 'he's certainly not a cheese wheel' about a bloke who is very fit and i may say 'no he's really not!' and do an eyebrow raise and a wink and he will chuckle a bit. But that happens about 1-2 a year.

What i would very much have a problem with is if DH made negative comments about anybodies body, especially women's. That would warrant words.

Original poster

Jezabella1 · 05/08/2016 08:00

Hey! I've taken my AIBU medicine and said I was being unreasonable. I won't do it in front of him again.
Ooh and Eminem

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 05/08/2016 08:01

Ha! x posted. In the time it took my crappy internet connection to post that you have referenced Friends and posted a list!

Inertia · 05/08/2016 08:05

Why is it so important to you to make a huge song and dance about how attractive other men are when you know it makes your partner uncomfortable? Nobody's telling you to stop having an opinion about it - we're not the thought police - but isn't it just something better kept to yourself, or maybe discussed with like- minded friends?

Original poster

Jezabella1 · 05/08/2016 08:05

I'm a bit predictable koala
Another ones for my list: the man playing Bob Ewell in the 'to kill a mockingbird' open air theatre. So, so wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

Jezabella1 · 05/08/2016 08:07

inertia I don't make a huge song and dance of it. I no longer mention it in front of him. I used to believe that every other couple did and found his reaction to it odd.

OP posts:

Jengnr · 05/08/2016 08:11

We tend to refer to them by their talent.

'What do you think of Johnny Depp?'
'I think he's a fine actor'

Original poster

Jezabella1 · 05/08/2016 08:12

Mmm Johnny Depp is indeed a fine actor

OP posts:

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