Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

Reading through this makes me glad that I never joined any facebook groups that aren't buying and selling.

Funny to see amber being mentioned! ds had an anklet 6 years ago, I have to admit at first it was out of novelty and then it was because he didn't have problems teething and I didn't want to tempt fate! everyone back then thought I was a weirdo! now we'll be the odd ones out no doubt by not using one with dd.

The saying 'you wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do' comes to mind , honestly, who gives a shit if some strangers with some strange ideas as to what perfect parenting is think? There is no manual to raising children, whether you use special terms or phrases or arm yourself with false illusions of being more 'in-tune' then other mums, when it comes down to it everyone is in the same boat trying to cope with the same issues.

Better copy

I've been working on my social skills, how do I put this nicely?

Fuck right off, spirit.

I bet you're an antivaxxer.

Good lord woman, don't get them started on vaccinations.

spirit how to make mums feel like crap in one easy step!

I can't be the only one who has spotted a MN poster going crazy about the importance of BF on one thread and massively struggling with a teenager on another. It really puts that one, fairly small decision of what to feed a baby into perspective.

I hate parenting groups on FB.

My experiences are not good ones. I left my two birthing groups and never looked back!

The first one I left after a few years. I wasn't comfortable in a group that had evolved so much into 'cliques' and though they tried not to allow their prejudices to show, they did and with it their judgemental attitudes. I left after a very minor disagreement but it was the nail in the coffin for me. I wasn't happy and hadn't been for about a year and it was very obvious to me that I was never held in the same regard as others.

The second one didn't last long. I left at the same time. Very much the same reasons but a massive disagreement had blown a hole in the group, some members left etc. But there was always a cloud hanging over it and it was a few months later when one mum decided to stick her oar into a problem that didn't concern her (in the vain hope to be seen as a peacemaker and become more popular). Everything was fine until she brought up an ugly topic of conversation that had been dealt with, sealed and buried into the vaults of the FB group. Again, I had had enough. It was clear that FB groups were not a good idea!

BUT ... I am still part of one FB group. More members than the other 2 (double the second group) but less traffic. Heavily a US following with some UK and Australian mums but the atmosphere is a world away from the other two. I don't post on it very much but reply to questions and if I have advice, i generally give what has worked for me.

I have been judged about the type of carrier I use (not a fan of attached parenting but used one for my own sanity if nothing else!), putting my child in cruisers, using teething gel instead of amber necklaces, putting my child in his/her own room at 2 weeks old, not co-sleeping during poor nights (I am a terribly light sleeper and have genuine fears about it as well as my DH not being comfortable - hell, why am I giving reasons???), beginning to wean first born at 20 weeks, not doing baby-led with first born, having toys, believe it or not, as was told having a room strewn with toys was bad 'intellectually' for them, putting my child down to bed, my choice in settling them to bed on an evening, NOT rear-facing - the list is endless.

This is the reason why in my FB group I am still part of, I choose not to post threads but will comment instead. Though I have more trust in my 3rd group than I ever did in my first 2, I am still wary.

Mothers can be the biggest bunch of judgemental twats ever!

Indeed Quack.

I have breastfed mine and one of them went on to get excluded from school. I think it would be pretty mean if I posted for support on here about my eldest son and somebody used that to criticise my choice to breastfeed.

I have used the sites being discussed on here and have found them to be very useful . I would hate to think that people would be put off accessing the support that these sites offer.

Oh dear god trumpy, pay no heed to the inflammatory drivel being spouted by Self Appointed Queen of the Mamas! Honestly, give it a few years and she'll be crying and desperate for help on the teenagers board, under a namechange of course 😂

Not wanting to derail the thread but this came at a perfect time for me as I just got upset reading a ranty fb post from a mum I know saying how dreadful sleep training is and how unnatural and that she will do whatever her baby needs for as long as it takes. She wrote this after I had shared with our group of mum friends that after 5 months of breastfeeding hourly every night and reluctantly co-sleeping and ending up with pnd from sheer exhaustion I was going to try sleep training. She writes frequent fb posts about how she would do anything for her baby. Yet actually, her baby has slept for 12 hours a night since she was tiny, and the mum gave up breastfeeding after a few days because at the time she said she couldn't handle it. If DD had been formula fed, and slept 12 hours a night I might not feel so crucified and desperate to try sleep training. But I would sure as hell never take to fb to make people feel bad for their parenting choices and her decision to do so has had me in floods of tears. Asshole.

spirit

I bfd my son because I wanted to. I really struggled with it and despite asking many sources for advice absolutely none of them, not even the specialist bf clinic, made any positive difference

I'm a scientist and I've actually had a good poke around the literature on this. In healthy, well fed western populations with access to good medical care there's actually very little difference between bf and ff. There's one study which seems to see a 4-5 point IQ rise but that's got some problems with confounding errors. There's some evidence it reduces allergies and infections.
However, these are population level effects. The effect on the individual mother/baby dyad can be very different. If a mother is struggling with bf and sliding into pnd, it is not more beneficial on balance to encourage her to bf regardless of her health. individual outcomes are not the same as population level outcomes.

And frankly, no one needs 'an excuse' not to bf. Some women just don't want to. That's totally fine too.

Fwiw (anecdata n=1) I was bottle fed. I'm healthy, no allergies and have four degrees. You can't pick out ff vs bf kids on a playground, can you?

Love you too mcfly
Fuck off back to Facebook now won't you?
Be a gem

Don't hide behind a screen and bitch about what other people have posted

take it you'll be sharing your real name with us McFly? Wouldn't want to call us bitches as you hide behind a screen now would you?

This thread has made people feel vulnerable?

In what way exactly?

need

I'm considering sleep training my 5 month old too wedding. He screams if I co sleep, rock or try and feed him anyway so I can't see how it makes much difference!!!

These groups are private groups exactly so that people can post without worrying about being mocked by others. It would be very said if fellow mothers were the ones doing that mocking

mistress because people think their personal details are on show.

1. they aren't. No names are given and these groups are closed anyway.

2. never post anything too personal on the internet anyway!

Calm down Mcfly you'll give yourself terrible blood pressure with all that rage. Have you considered gnawing down on an amber bracelet when you feel angry?

In any case the vast majority of MN is posters moaning about the ridiculousness of other people...why not other people online.

It would be very said if fellow mothers were the ones doing that mocking

phil sorry but some people like spirit deserve to be mocked because they spout damaging bullshit

Ugh all this "mothers" talk is making my teeth itch.

In any case the vast majority of MN is posters moaning about the ridiculousness of other people...why not other people online.

If that is the case that is quite sad and probably explains why I post on here less and less.