Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

Congrats on the baby Bill Boy or girl? [flowers[

Yeah, I think these saddos (like Brickie and Spirit, not normal BFers like say - myself ) have no interest in actually helping mothers breastfeed, they'd never admit it but they enjoy feeling superior. If every mother breastfed, they couldn't elevate themselves now could they?

I say this because even BF consultants know you get more with honey than vinegar. You'd think a BF consultant would be like a God to these losers, but evidently not!

Congratulations Bill.

Something else has changed too from your mums experience. These days (or at least six years ago) anything less than still being on catheter etc from an Csections epidural and you are expected to be up and doing yourself. I can't imagine any of the midwifes not expecting me to get out of bed 'just' because I had stitches. (Though I agree I was in pain doing so).

Thank you Mrs DV. I had twin boys Frye.

Yes, sadly I also agree with the lack of help. There does seem to be a bit of a culture that not asking for help means you are a 'success', but really I don't think humans are designed to bring up children in isolation and it's a bit of a false construct for something which really should be a team effort. People who have family around are very .\

Bla, sorry, feeding and typing

People with families around are very lucky, but with so many people not living in the communities where they grew up, it's a shame we haven't managed to replicate non-family support networks effectively for those who don't.

SpecialAgentFreyPie I slapped her face. Proper red hand print slap. not proud but DC was 18mths old, going through the whole screaming anywhere that wasn't outside phase, not sleeping etc (since has dx of sensory processing difficulties) I felt like crap and snapped. Felt fucking ace afterwards.

She knows now not to judge my parenting.

Well... That was until the time she claimed her bonding was so much better because she gave birth vaginally, tore massively and the 'stitches were worth it compared to yours'. I had an EMCS. Can't remember exactly what I said but It wasn't pretty

FYI - my sister is a massively insecure bitch who will take a seemingly nice compliment and twist it so it digs deep. She cried when I lost weight because I 'made her fat'

I am certainly not advocating anyone slap some of these militant breast feeding types but imagining them falling flat on their face won't hurt

It's sad when these groups seem to fuel anxious mums guilt. There's nothing wrong at all with extended breastfeeding or co-sleeping with a toddler BUT it's totally wrong to make yourself do it out of misplaced guilt and be totally sleep deprived in the process.

Looking back, my guilt about breastfeeding (expressed exclusively for 6months) made me do things which were for the audience of other mums NOT what was best for me or my baby.

We are human beings in need of care not just our babies! Nothing wrong with doing what's easy and what works but just don't pretend it's the only way..

I'm on one of these groups now and the advice on bfeeding is good but I give my LO the occasional bottle of bedtime formula and I now feel I'm risking his health by doing so

rainbow You're not risking his health. All milk is helping him grow. You aren't doing anything wrong. Anyone who says differently is wrong and terribly misinformed. Send them my way and I'll have a word with them.

Also, and most importantly, it is none of their business how you feed your child.

It would be good to have some scientific based arguments to point to as all they ever do is go on about how formula costs the NHS X number of £ per year causing diseases

rainbowrhythms you are not risking your babies health by feeding formula! My DD is exclusively ff as she couldn't maintain a latch and she is thriving and healthy. I'm not sure where people get there info from saying that ff costs the NHS millions?? In my experience it doesn't. We all know that breast is best but equally fed is best and how you choose to do that is your business. Please don't listen to them. our are doing a great job!!

trumpy the information about costing the NHS money is discussed up the thread. It principally comes from misuse of statistics and some very poor epidemiolocigal studies which have never been proven through trials.

... "This could help explain these findings summarized last year, suggesting that the longer babies are breast fed, the lower their risk of developing chronic diseases when then grow up. Babies fed formula grow up to have higher rates of obesity, type 1 diabetes, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, asthma, twice the risk of developing celiac disease, more inflammatory bowel disease like Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis, and childhood cancers including leukemia."

nutritionfacts.org/video/the-best-baby-formula/

It is what it is.

Thanks

Rainbow

Formula is fine. It is not poison and it has been made to provide nutrition to your baby.

Fed correctly, formula will not harm your baby

rainbow This article from The Atlantic says it better than I can. It's long but worth a read. The comments are pretty illuminating too.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

Not that I'm saying don't breastfeed at all. Just that the information used against people who FF isn't as iron clad as some would have you think.

Not sure why the face, rainbow - you asked!

Yes and I am on the brink of pnd as it is so your response was not empathetic was it

It is also a load of BS. BF has not been conclusively proven to help prevent any of those things.

The problem with epidemiological studies is something called confounding. So, as an example, ff may be correlated with higher risk of heart disease but this may be because babies are more likely to be ff if they are from a poorer socioeconomic group and therefore will also have poorer diet, less exercise and more smoking over their life. The increased rate of heart disease is therefore due to these other lifestyle factors and nothing to do with formula feeding. To establish whether ff causes heart disease you need to do a randomised controlled trial and these have not been done. if you look at something like IQ you will find even the epidemiological studies contradict each other (or rather only one study found a correlation whereas most didn't).

Exactly blaeberry

I think the reason why the WHO are so hot on breastfeeding is that on a worldwide level it is best. FF is risky in countries without proper sanitation and good antenatal support.

The correlation vs. Causation debate could only be settled if you randomised the participants and dictated how they fed- which would probably be unethical.

It would only be unethical if you knew or had a very good reason to suspect one was better than the other. This is the same with all trials; there is only a narrow window of uncertainty within which it is ethical to carry out a trial. It is also the reason trials should be independently 'unblinded' and interim results checked so the trial can be stopped if it becomes apparent that one treatment arm is better.