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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: this bloody Facebook group?

549 replies

Rozdeek · 04/08/2016 16:07

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets Hmm. Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

OP posts:
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13
MistressMerryWeather · 05/08/2016 22:37

MN has poked fun at these silly facebook groups/blogs for as long as I have been posting.

If people are going to make fools of themselves they should expect to be talked about.

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 22:37

You might disagree with spirit but what has she said that is damaging bullshit?

PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 22:37

YY Ihate, we can't pull other people up on their twatishness due to the virtue of having offspring Hmm

Piss off, when someone's being a twat I'm telling them

PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 22:38

Phil did yo actually read her post where she basically implied people who are gonna FF shouldn't have kids and those who failed at BF just didn't try hard enough?

NeedACleverNN · 05/08/2016 22:40

Or that formula is inferior?

It's not as good as breastfeeding true but it's not something someone needs to hear if they have been struggling and had to crack open the tin.

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 22:42

I EBF my DS. I love it and it has been easy for me but if it was affecting my mental health I would stop in a heartbeat.

It's more important for him to have a mum with her shit together than be breastfed.

OP posts:
Ketchuponpizza · 05/08/2016 22:42

I have observed that in order to be a fully paid up member of the 'crunchy' club, one must never announce publicly, or to judge others that you are part of the 'crunchy' club, and they are not.

Because to do that, appears to be somewhat 'uncrunchy'.

Everyone who claims to speak (judge) on behalf of the aforementioned club, can surely fuck right off to the sanctimonious FB pages, right?

MistressMerryWeather · 05/08/2016 22:42

Saying that giving babies formula will "mess up their lives" is very damaging.

It's also a lie.

Dramatic bullshit.

QuackDuckQuack · 05/08/2016 22:42

I think it would be pretty mean if I posted for support on here about my eldest son and somebody used that to criticise my choice to breastfeed.

No one would criticise your choice to BF. That choice really is no one's business but yours. But if, as a few posters do (and I haven't noticed whether you do), you suggested that BF is the holy grail (perhaps in a post like Spirit's above), then I would wonder why the intervening years between having a baby and having a teenager hadn't put things into perspective for you.

livinginthefastlane · 05/08/2016 22:45

Well I've been breastfeeding continuously for over 13 years with my 7 AND 'babywearing' - where is MY award???!!!! Envy
Intrigued to see what these AP Mamas have to say, I'm always up for a laugh good old discussion with nutters Grin

Spudlet · 05/08/2016 22:45

I had formula, my life is not messed up. It's rather spiffing, actually. DS is breastfed. I'm the first woman in my family to breastfeed in 3 generations. It works for me. But what business is it of mine to judge if it doesn't work for another woman? None whatsoever.

MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 05/08/2016 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 22:48

I don't understand why you wouldn't even try to breastfeed unless there are medical reasons. I am allowed to have a belief that departs from the MN norm. That does not mean that I am dangerous or that I deserve to be mocked for my posts on a private site.

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 22:51

There is no mumsnet "norm" philo.

Do you really not think that spirits post was insulting and horrible?

OP posts:
BretonTop · 05/08/2016 22:51

Roz you sound level-headed and sensible. I agree wholeheartedly with your posts.

Quack I think perspective is the key word here when some bf evangelists get on their high horses. I've seen close friends lose all perspective when it comes to ebf their babies; the babies have dropped from 50th/75th centiles at birth to below the 2nd, neither Mum nor baby sleep for more than 1-2hrs at a time for months, recurring mastitis and bouts of low mood and illness but still they think that they must carry on ebf-ing until baby is 12mo. Makes me sad.

As for the lactivists who lambast women who don't even try breastfeeding, what do you think womens rights activities did all those years ago?! Battled for women to have a choice in what they do with their bodies!

There is so much more to being a parent than how you feed your child.

MistressPage · 05/08/2016 22:51

There are very few things in life that make me very angry, but Spirit's post is one of them. The judgement and bashing of mums who have had to use formula gives me the rage.
Before my son was born, it would never have occurred to me not to breastfeed. But he went straight into Intensive Care at birth. He was in an incubator for a week. For the first five days he was fed via nasal-gastric tube. I expressed what I could for the nurses to give him. When he was allowed out and we tried to latch he couldn't. We tried everything. Everything. Breastfeeding counsellors, the lot. The poor little fellow just couldn't do it. I was devastated. It took me months to get over it. I used to sit in one room with a breast pump at each boob, hearing him cry in the other room and sobbing along because I couldn't do it properly ( I had to top up with formula because I just couldn't keep up)
Now he is a perfectly healthy happy 1 year old and all is well.
I'm rambling but I guess my message is that behind every ff mum might be a struggle you know nothing about so fucking fuck right off with your judgement.

seafoodeatit · 05/08/2016 22:52

Phil - why would you need to understand? unless you really think that breast milk is so much better then formula then it shouldn't matter the reasons for why people do it. Do you think there is a gaping void between the two? is formula so bad that people need a medical exemption of sorts?

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 22:53

Do you really not think that spirits post was insulting and horrible?

I would not have said it, I don't like belittling other people. I don't think it is "dangerous bullshit" though.

queenofthepirates · 05/08/2016 22:54

My younger brother was exclusively formula fed and has a PhD in physics. Plus he's a really nice guy, quite normal and is very nice to women and rarely gets ill.

I think that blows every argument out of the water.

IHateDoors · 05/08/2016 22:55

What do you need to understand Phil? Some women, me included, just don't want to. Simple as.

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 22:55

But spirit was not criticising mothers who tried to breastfeed.

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 22:56

You don't think it was dangerous to tell mums who didn't breastfeed that they shouldn't have had children?

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 05/08/2016 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 22:58

You don't think it was dangerous to tell mums who didn't breastfeed that they shouldn't have had children?

I don't agree and I don't think she meant that those women shouldn't have children just that age didn't understand those choices.

It was a stupid thing to say but not dangerous.

MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 05/08/2016 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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