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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: this bloody Facebook group?

549 replies

Rozdeek · 04/08/2016 16:07

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets Hmm. Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

OP posts:
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13
NeedACleverNN · 05/08/2016 21:26

Hi random person who is reading and judging.

Absolutely. I do put my own needs over my children. Cos guess what. If I was broken with exhaustion, I couldn't entertain and care for my children. I can't guarantee my children's safety because I can barely keep my eyes open. My children are happy and healthy because their mother is.

Fomalhaut · 05/08/2016 21:27

God I loathe groups like this.

I do co sleep, because the little chap is clingy and I breastfeed because I want to and he thinks boob is the best thing in the universe (his little beavis and butt head laugh when he sees the boob is priceless.)
I also vaccinate, weaned early on mush, scorn Amber necklaces and my parenting philosophy is 'do what works for you. It's hard going, be kind to yourself.'
Boob, formula, sling, don't, co sleep, cot... Whatever. If your kids are fed, clothed, loved, safe, happy and you're growing them into tolerable humans whilst maintaining a shred of sanity you are doing great.

I got into a ding dong about cloth sodding nappies the other day. Apparently I'm Satan for using disposables. I pointed out that 1. What I bedeck the child's arse in is my own business and 2. Since our city has an eco incinerator that's one of the cleanest in the world, the environmental impact of my Satanic Plastic Nappies was probably less than hers.

Spirit975 · 05/08/2016 21:28

See now I see here more bashing of the views of the people on the group than the group is being accused of! You lot are just as judgemental!
If you don't like the ethics of the site in question, leave. Simple surely?!

tiamarialewise · 05/08/2016 21:31

Hiya! I'm the one who saw this thread and then posted it to CIBII - Off Topic. As you can no doubt see, because you're looking back at the thread and then reporting here - everyone disagrees with what you're saying about them. If you really have a problem with the group, why not flag it up with the group itself or leave, instead of bitching on Mumsnet? I imagine you prefer this way because you've no actual name to link back to you? Can't say I blame you but then surely you can understand why you have been called a coward.

And let the shitstorm commence.

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 21:31

spirit

I have.

OP posts:
Spirit975 · 05/08/2016 21:38

Good riddance!

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 21:41

What shitstorm Confused

This thread was actually not about that page originally, but another poster mentioned it in the context of the one I was originally talking about.

OP posts:
QuackDuckQuack · 05/08/2016 21:51

What is CIBII?

PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 21:52

Good grief the cavalry have arrived Confused

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 21:53

quack

Can I Breastfeed In It

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 05/08/2016 21:56

This is turning into the Facebook selling site fiasco again Grin

Anyone remember that?

Sara107 · 05/08/2016 21:57

Jewellery made of breast milk is a thing???

caffeineanddryshampoo · 05/08/2016 21:57

Haha everyone has their judgey pants on here.

Spirit975 · 05/08/2016 21:58

Well the fact is that breastfeeding will always be far superior to artificial feeding. That's common knowledge and undeniable. Those who choose not to breastfeed choose to give an inferior food. Fact. Those who try to breastfeed and struggle (hopefully) look for help and advice. Some of that help and advice IS to use a wrap or sling, it IS to co-sleep, it IS to wean at the right time and not early, it IS to have latch assessed by a professional, it IS to have baby checked for tongue tie. It IS NOT "oh give up and give baby a bottle"
Now I would personally do anything to ensure that my baby had the very best nutrition. Anything. Because I want my baby to have the best and I don't understand why someone else wouldn't. If you're not going to do the best by the baby then why bother? Seriously? Did you look at the two lines on the pregnancy test and go "Yes!! I can't wait to start messing up this kids life by giving it sub-standard food!" Because by choosing not to breastfeed that is exactly what you do. Now I mean that by CHOOSING to not even try. I appreciate that there are often problems but very few can't be sorted out with the right support. If every woman who had problems feeding was told to give a bottle then we'd be in serious trouble.

Now, whinge and whine all you like, but facts are facts and you're just making yourself look stupid. If you hadn't left the group you would see that actually, its us laughing at you! Grin

NeedACleverNN · 05/08/2016 21:59

Hmm wow

IHateDoors · 05/08/2016 22:00

Teenagers. That's all. Let them preach when they have teenagers.

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 22:01

spirit kind of proving my point there.

OP posts:
IHateDoors · 05/08/2016 22:01

Hands up to giving inferior food too 😀 Shit, maybe that's why the teenager is such a hell beast

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 22:02

Also I have stated repeatedly the breastfeeding advice is good.

The sleep advice sucks.

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 05/08/2016 22:04

spirit either you are amazing at parody or just very, very lacking in self awareness.

Original poster
Rozdeek · 05/08/2016 22:06

This has turned into me apparently having a massive bitch about a bunch of women.

For the record that wasn't the intention.

It's just if someone posts saying I'm literally on my knees with exhaustion, my 18 mo wakes to feed every 20 minutes, how is it helpful to say oh that's normal, just feed them and get over it.

If you want to feed every 20 minutes brilliant.

If you're posting because you're at the end of your tether and need advice, well that sort of reply probably just makes you feel shit.

THAT is what my problem is.

OP posts:
Corabell · 05/08/2016 22:09

thread explodes

BretonTop · 05/08/2016 22:09

Just read the whole thread. Completely agree with others who find the AP/Lactivist/Baby-wearing/Cloth nappy parents so...judgy? They can be so extreme in their views, and so single minded, it's just weird. It's like they base their whole personality on how they're choosing to raise their children.

I've already had a thread on this awful poster, which originated from The Alpha Parent (Don't even go there, she's bonkers).

I've had to distance myself from a friend because of what she posts on FB; that putting a baby in a cot is akin to putting it in jail, that placenta encapsulation is amazing and everyone should do it. That natural birth is the only way you should give birth etc etc It's so polarising.

Re: this bloody Facebook group?
PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 22:09

Because I want my baby to have the best and I don't understand why someone else wouldn't. If you're not going to do the best by the baby then why bother? Seriously? Did you look at the two lines on the pregnancy test and go "Yes!! I can't wait to start messing up this kids life by giving it sub-standard food!" Because by choosing not to breastfeed that is exactly what you do. Now I mean that by CHOOSING to not even try. I appreciate that there are often problems but very few can't be sorted out with the right support.

Congratulations on being a twat soooo good at breastfeeding, and not giving up. All of you mums who had medical problems, PND, or just plain didnt want to do something with your bodies that you didn't want to do - take heed!! For here we have our Messiah of all things parenting. This lady got excited about breastmilk the minute she found out she was pregnant. She consoled herself that she'd be An Amazing Mom in that very moment.

And this comes from someone who BF for 3years so I'm not a 'DFF' as I believe they're called.

Spirit - may your children forever test your patience and throw tantrums in the supermarket. May they be the type of teens who have police at your door. May you ever be disappointed in your special snowflakes. Because maybe one day you'll realise that breastfeeding does not a great mother make - and you will deserve to look back on your attitude and cringe

MistressMerryWeather · 05/08/2016 22:10

Did you look at the two lines on the pregnancy test and go "Yes!! I can't wait to start messing up this kids life by giving it sub-standard food!"

I'm actually in stitches.

I hope that in 20 years time you have the good grace to look back at this time in your life and feel terribly embarrassed.

Grow up.