Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

It's not the parenting methods I have a problem with. I adhere to a lot of them.

It's that so much of their "advice" seems to be, oh this is normal so just deal with it.

Wow Need that anti-vaxxer sounds like she's enthusing about best of breed cattle rather than a child. As for the other one with her 3 kids...Well, I can't say anything nice so best zip.

I'm in a couple of these groups. The really woo AP ones I steer clear of because I can't deal with that much bullshit. But I am in CIBII Off Topic and a couple of others. I read through from time to time.

I only really tend to comment if someone is spouting a) nonsense and/or b) something totally unprovable. I ALWAYS reply to people's posts when they ask whether there's any proof that amber necklaces work. It's like my personal mission

There's also another group that I'm in that has some really good people in it but it's like the bloody playground. People moan that it's getting cliquey but then also say it's getting too big and that you don't see the "originals" as much any more. You can't have it both ways!

In fact I did comment on a post the other day about placenta encapsulation... Someone was asking how much people had paid (hundreds! ) and I gently asked why they were wanting to do it. I wanted to point out that there's no proven health benefits but then they said about having had PND last time and struggled to breastfeed etc and I just thought... Nah. I'm not that much of a dick, if they want to buy into it then it's their call!

I am in most of the groups mentioned here and have had fantastic support . I was skis advised to get medical advice with a breastfeeding problem rather than being told that everyone has it like this it to just carry on breastfeeding because everything would be fine

Well I'm clearly the epitomy of bad parenting. My DS was in his cot in his own room by 8 weeks. He was a wriggly noisy sleeper who was BF (and late night bottle of expressed milk with DH, to allow him a wee bit bonding) until I was very ill in hospital on morphine when he was 4 months and that was that. TBH it was probably quite good he had both breast and bottle because I'm not sure my DH would have coped with a baby who wouldn't or couldn't bottle feed along with the stress of me being so ill.
We used a sling but I used a pram more. Determined not to use dummies but then teething came along and that didn't last long either. No BLW here, definitely a food rammed in mouth type of house. Oh and fair warning for what's coming next...........jarred food!!!!!!
My DS is the most loving caring little boy you'll meet. He loves to come into bed with us in the morning for cuddles, in fact happy for kisses and cuddles anytime. He's almost 7 and has friends who refuse a kiss at the school door, but he's still ok with it. He can use a knife and fork and is a great eater, no major illnesses and good height/weight.
Clearly not affected by my horrific parenting skills.
Everyone to their own though. Some days I was (and still am) glad we actually get out of the house, clean, fed and dressed appropriately.

They DO give a lot of excellent breastfeeding advice.

It's more the sleep advice that winds me up. Co sleeping isn't the answer to all problems some of us fucking hate it actually.

If I'm honest, I was probably relentlessly judgey when I only had my PFB. I was horribly depressed and I needed a set of rules to follow so I didn't feel like I was about to cause his terrible death. I went waaay overboard on following The AP Rules, as preached by some internet forum or other. I suppose it was so important to me to feel that I had some sort of clue what I was doing that I felt I had to totally stamp on the idea that any other way might be okay too.

My second child taught me the lesson I needed. He was in washable nappies from birth, but he soon became able to wee through the sturdiest cloth nappy in minutes. I trawled through every nappy forum I could find and they all assured me that if I did x and y and STEPPED AWAY FROM THE SPOSIES, all would be well. It took nearly a year of changing nappies every hour, on the hour for me to finally concede that DS2 and his power-hose penis just weren't suited to washable nappies. He also hated slings. In order to survive, I adapted and when the next two came along I adapted again.

I'm too old for breeding now, but I reckon that there are very few real rules. You have to feed them. You have to clean them. You have to love them. You have to do whatever makes the little fuckers sleep. Anything else is choice. Apart from anything else, sneering takes energy and wastes valuable cake-eating time!

Oh apparently I have started this thread because I feel guilty about my parenting choices

Maybe I am not on the page that gives co sleeping advice as I don't see it or maybe we only notice the posts on topics that we have a problem with

Perhaps philo!

Every now and then, someone will spot a few cartons of formula that a corner shop has put in the bargain bin because they're near the sell-by date. People go BALLISTIC, talk about reporting the shop (as it's technically a violation of the code that says you can't sell first-stage formula at a discount)

There was a nearly identical thread on MN once. Oh, the teeth knashing and fury. So much hate and bile wasted on a corner shop you'll never visit reducing two cartons of formula you'll never buy.

But it's ILLEGAL!!!

'Sposies' makes my teeth itch too. Only cloth nappy evangelists use the word disposable enough to need to shorten it.

HAHA! Yes!

OP they called you a coward! Haha, oh dear.

Daisy they're hawk eyed on "Can I OT" - they've posted saying "apparently we're all judgemental"

Reveal who I am and get hate mail?! Yeah right.

There are loads of lovely people in that group. But I have seen some women get very patronising advice simply because they state a desire for sleep.

Indeed someone's comment saying all us commenting here obviously feel bad for putting our needs above those of our baby says it all.

I need sleep. I need sleep to be a good mum.

Doh just realised I'm slow off the mark!

And yes I'll judge anyone who puts a necklace on their child!!!

Can't say I've heard of the groups but it does seem pretty mean-spirited to come and bitch about it all here. Are you not being judgy, just as you're accusing them of being?

Tbh I could use some good breastfeeding advice myself so I might just have a peek myself.

With advice groups and pages, you're never going to agree with all of it or find it all useful to you. With so many 'types' of parenting it'll never all be in line with what you do, it seems very unfair to slate everyone else's choices just because it's not what you've chosen to do.

I'm not a fan of the phrase 'each to their own', but sometimes it does kind of fit. You might not be into Amber teething shizz, I'm not myself, but I don't care if other people are - if they think it works then good for them. I certainly couldn't get myself as worked up about it all as you have OP!

I'm not judging their parenting style. I agree with most of it.

I'm judging some of their advice, which isn't advice at all.

God this thread has turned into a judgemental bitch fest hasn't it!

Indeed someone's comment saying all us commenting here obviously feel bad for putting our needs above those of our baby says it all.

Well that's bullshit. I am BF (despite a lot of difficulty!) and co-sleeping (although the co-sleeping is totally selfish as I wouldn't get any sleep otherwise!). Oh and I use a sling/carrier. I just don't sign up to the holier-than-thou, breastfeed at all costs, attitude that prevails in those parts.

The posts I find particularly distasteful are those judging any FF they have seen going on out and about and pitying the "poor baby".

I have just left the page.

A shame as there was fab feeding advice there.

I have never seen pictures of women formula fed babies with pity or "poor baby comments"

I belong to a fair few of these groups