Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

The worst judges of mothers are other mothers.

Oh jeez I just looked at sanctimommy

I'm going to avoid that like the plague because everyone about it is so insulting it's ridiculous

When you know better, you judge better

Wtaf you twat?!

I love dropping my 'breastfeeding' story onto those groups.

I point out to them that during my stay in hospital (week before and after the birth. 2 in total)

I was admitted with a suspected clot when pregnant. On a fuck ton of blood thinners and needed a scan of my lungs. The one with the barium has it when DC was 2 days old. I wasn't allowed to breast feed for, I think 48hrs. I also needed a transfusion that then led to an infection that meant I was on IV antibiotics and couldn't BF until those meds were out of my system. IV was for 3days then orally for another 10.

So for the first 2 weeks DC only had one BF feed and that was expressed because no matter how hard I tried we just couldn't get it to work. Then obvs DC got so used to the bottle BF was never going to happen. I also have partially inverted nipples so it was going to be difficult anyway.

I remember going to an actual group (this was pre FB groups!) and a few women, much like those on the groups, told me I hadn't tried hard enough to BF.

When sharing my story in support of others who choose not to BF or can't physically do it I've had abuse and blame because I could've fixed my nipples before giving birth, could've avoided the transfusion and infection by having a natural birth and it was my fault for being induced.

Forget I was induced because of a suspected clot and it was safer for me and baby and the EMCS probably saved both our lives.

FlyingElbows
I formula fed all mine and have never owned sling.

Me too. Would never judge another parent, or perhaps I should say, have never judged to date. Not sure what it would take to make me criticise another parent.

I am at sanctimommy!!!

Need Sanctimommy is a parody page it takes the piss out of real sanctimonious posts that parents make, which are sent in by other people. A bit like local 'spotted' sites

Sanctimommy has be a fake site. No one could be that far up their own arse can they?

Thank god Pinky

I was starting to lose the will to live

Sanctimommy. My blood pressure.

Check out what they posted 3 hours ago, I hope the original poster sees it!

The bottle feeding one?

Do they make up their posts or are they actually copying real ones?

No they're actually real ones as I've seen them on the groups in on be 'exposed'

that is terrible!

I can't believe people. They really do give mothers bad names

Yep the bottle feeding one. Imagine telling someone they didn't breastfeed hard enough and then giving a breastfeeding book by way of apology

I'm more agog at the wheelchair one and the anti vaxxing post.

They are shocking

I have (had may be more appropriate - we don't see a lot of each other anymore) a friend who regularly posts on these sorts of groups. Her latest, in response to someone who suggested a dummy to a mum who asked for advice on cutting down night feeds in a 7 month old (so not a teeny newborn), was to be utterly shocked that anyone would even consider using a dummy over offering their boob. Anyone who uses a dummy is "tricking" their baby! If baby is waking in the night it is because he NEEDS food and he will stop waking in his own time.

Needless to say we haven't had a lot to say to each other seeing as DS has been formula fed since he was 2 weeks old and has, shock horror, dummies!

I'm in a few of these groups like OP I practice a few of the AP and Gentle parenting ways but not strictly. I have twins and in the multiple groups for these things think we are a bit more supportive. The bf group is fantastic and offers advice for reducing formula top ups without the judgy why are they having it anyway etc. Recognises combi-feeding as hard work and beneficial. However I am on a baby led weaning group (mainly for food ideas or my two would be living on peanut butter sandwiches!) and they are harsh. If you have ever put any food in babies mouth you are slated! I just hate the labels and think some mums should remember pride comes before fall!!
I co-slept with one twin but other was mainly in moses basket or cot, one is still bf at 11m one has been on formula since 8/9m, one goes in sling round supermarket other in the trolley (one is lighter). They are different babies! (The one that co-sleeps is not the one still being bf!) They have different needs and wants. Some days I am supermum other days I am not and I am still in PJs at noon and eat chocolate for breakfast!

These people should have watched the episode of 'This Morning' a few weeks back with the parents who practised a similar sort of thing.

Their children were fine examples of how attachment parenting is the only
way to ensure your children are raised as fine human beings. The boy was jumping all over the sofas, and the little girl (aged 1) pissed all over the floor.

GOD I hate these types of groups... I have left them all as they made my blood boil...

I was unable to BF - actually unable - tried everything and I was devastated at the time and in all likelihood, it was the was the root cause / initiator of my PND. I was told everything from I am not trying hard enough to "Actually, fewer than 3% of women can't breastfeed" like I was making it up?!

I spent hundreds of pounds on lactation consultants, tongue tie experts and breast pumps and attended every support group going. Nada. I was actually told by the NCT helpline that formula feeding was overfeeding my baby and stretching his stomach and would make him fat. I will never forget that awful woman. I hope she gets cystitis.

I have come to the conclusion that the kinds of women who inhabit these groups were the 'cool' girls at school as they had perms / the right trainers / the best shell suit. They have now swapped their shell suit for a sling, their perm for EBF until the child is eligible to vote and voila! The Sanctimummies!

And good for them. They all seem jolly pleased with themselves...

This is my favourite!

This thread is making me feel better about my teething screaming 4 month old!

Much/most of Sanctimommy is American...most of the English sites don't get that bad

I do some of this stuff but hope I'm not a twat with it. I think being all or nothing puts people off learning more about hows / benefits.

I take or leave it. BF is fine, and worked for us; slings did not (my back! Ouch). Cloth nappies fine until drying them indoor meant mould. Didn't want to cosleep but both babies felt strongly otherwise.

I think the Sears are fab - they would be the first to say find what works for you. But people take the basic ideas and make them a lifestyle or tribe. I think it's because parenting is so fucking hard and you lose your identity, so they step into this new one which can be a bit isolating if it is making people miserable but they feel they have to stick to it.

I'm a member of some of the groups mentioned. The golden boobies is a bit weird but harmless. I don't like the frothing over discounted formula. It's not exactly going to make soneone suddenly change how they feed. And also it's snobbish - BFing rates in certain socioeconomic groups are lower for various complex factors. People need support and maybe education but not some MC lentil weaving twat (like me) making sure they pay top money for their babies nutrition. It shouldn't be a punishment. Gets off soapbox.

I also don't like the jewellery made of breastmilk as a momento. I feel squeamish about it, but I don't like hair in lockets etc so maybe it's just me. It feels like such a lifestyle statement, but really it makes it a big deal when it isn't. If we make such a fuss about being able to feed a baby it makes it not the norm, which people are purporting to be in favour of.

I do too, blerg

It's not the practices of AP I have the issue with. It's the sanctimonious attitudes some of these people have.