Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

Survival parenting is a great phrase. Someone needs to write a book called that.

Surely a lot of "attachment" parenting is just normal

I'm a blogger and did a write up with that title! We're all just bloody surviving!

I feel like my baby sort of rejected a lot of attachment parenting things.

He prefers his cot to sleeping with me, doesn't like to be cuddled when trying to sleep, hates the sling and won't feed for comfort/ to sleep.

Do I lose?

Well this was a somewhat nasty thread to come across! Yanbu - it is annoying when people are like that, but goodness me... Have my first :P This is just so unnecessary!

I formula fed all mine and have never owned sling. I should probably be in prison!

Also Fluoride is evil...apparently. I am just reading a discussion on face book about this. Those giving tap water with fluoride or fluoride toothpaste are poisoning their kids.
Sometimes I am tempted to post something like - okay I will stop giving them tap water and fluoride toothpaste then. Can I ask for some advice though? What kind of Gin is it best to give them at night to help them sleep?

YANBU. I was once told (via social media) that spoon-feeding my baby (when she was weaning) was tantamount to rape in the face.
It really troubles me when I read about women, particularly on sleep threads, who are on their knees with tiredness but any approach to remedy this is greeted with disdain, outrage, or inferences that a desire to not feel that you're in some kind of sleep-deprivation torture hell is akin to saying you want to put your baby out with the bins on recycling day. Makes my blood, piss and other lady juices boil uncontrollably.

Why is it nasty purple?

I find the group nasty tbh.

I just joined that group because I'm PMS ridden. Seems like a good idea.

It really troubles me when I read about women, particularly on sleep threads, who are on their knees with tiredness but any approach to remedy this is greeted with disdain, outrage, or inferences that a desire to not feel that you're in some kind of sleep-deprivation torture hell is akin to saying you want to put your baby out with the bins on recycling day

This. In bucket loads.

You don't lose Rozdeek You get a platinum survival trophy

We've semi coslept with DD1 - she's 5 and still appears in our bed most nights. I have no idea what a cosleeping devotee would do with a baby like our DD2. She doesn't really go to sleep if she is in our bed. She has to be in her cot in her room and any attempt to get her back to sleep in our bed if she wakes in the night is a total failure.

One thing that confuses me is people who don't say 'no' to their DC, but won't let them have sugar. How does that work? Are their DC oblivious to the existence of sugar?

It depends though, in many circumstances continuing to co sleep does mean more sleep than doing battle nightly! So to many parents, it would be counter intuitive to suggest stopping.

I used to admin a few natural parenting/AP groups and whilst of course you do get some sanctimonious prats, you get the same anywhere. The bile directed at AP parents is certainly disproportionate to that which is given.

I guess they just don't have anything they won't allow the child to have accessible.

I just don't see why you have to label yourself an attachment parent at all.

Using a sling. Co sleeping. Breastfeeding. If you want to do them that's brilliant. Why label yourself though

I just breastfeed because it's the natural thing to do. I don't need to make a big thing out of it.

I'm in a FB group similar to this and it drives me mental. Also completely closed to offering actual advice for the most part. Husband treating you like shit and doing nothing?? Oh, he can't help it, he's just a poor man. Dead on your feet and desperate for some time to yourself? Nope- gotta be attached to your children at all times despite the obvious effects in your mental health.
It's primarily a baby wearing group, the attitudes toward ownership and purchase of some eyewateringly expensive wraps is staggering, when in the next breath people will be saying they have no money to pay for food. It's also become a total drama hub, which is the main reason I stay

"Baby wearing"

That's another one!

Haha, yes to sanctimommy. The baby wearing group is so bizarre. Sometimes I put DS in a sling sometimes I use the pushchair. Depends on his mood, my mood and whatever. But some of them get really get up like "so sad as had to put baby in the pram today." Like it was a terrible thing. Wtf?!

I have left a group like that that was completely vile. They'd post screenshots of other people bottle feeding and slag them off. Also if someone got fed up of BFing they'd get destroyed. Even if you were feeding 15 times a night with other kids you'd get told to suck it up. And anyone whose child weaned themselves off the breast before the age of 5 was on a 'nursing strike' and was encouraged to keep offering them breastmilk

just awful

I'm the same OP - in practice you would call me an 'attachment' or 'gentle' parent (I also hate labelling it) and have left lots of these groups as find so many mums that purport to be gentle are anything but with each other - they can be judgmental, sanctimonious and rude. Lots of "can you believe this terrible parenting I witnessed in Tesco's" sort of posts, when they have zero knowledge of the people they witnessed or what came before etc. Plus who gives a fuck what anyone else is doing? Just an excuse to bitch and feel superior by putting others down.

I've used some "crunchy" parenting techniques. However, I would term my parenting style "making it up as we go along, to make life as easy as we can". DD was breastfed till she wasn't bothered any more at 15 months. We use cloth nappies because I didn't want to have to keep buying nappies. Used a sling more than a pushchair. However we don't co-sleep regularly. DD was prem and IUGR so it would not have been safe to co-sleep. It drove me mad whenever I asked for help getting her to sleep more and was told to co-sleep!
I never judge other parents, or think that my way is somehow superior. People that do must be very insecure in their own choices, I think. As long as a baby/child is well looked after and loved, that's all that matters, surely?

Sanctimommy

Wow...