Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

I'd love to cosleep and she sleeps so much better in our bed, but I once woke up rolled over and the cat shot out from under me so I'm too paranoid.

Formal your post answered a lot of my questions, and yes NZ, but then you said appears and I got paranoid again.

Kaos I think you're hyper aware of baby in your bed - I roll over on the cats all the time but never have with DS. In fact that's one of the reasons I hate having him in there - i wake up with every teeny tiny movement he makes!

People don't like dummies because of how they look.

Which is why those dummies that look like mouths with Fangs and silly teeth were invented.

When they are older wouldn't a dummy interfer with teeth or speech development?

First (only) night with ds and four of us on the ward ended up co-sleeping with our babies. I was quite surprised the midwives allowed it.

Only night on the ward, ds is still with us. Not co-sleeping though he wishes he was but we need sleep too (ds is 7). Sleeps in our bedroom though.

Both of mine have had dummies and not had any issues with speech development. It has affected their teeth slightly but the dentist is sure it'll self correct with age. At least with a dummy you can take it away, thumbs are trickier in that respect yet aren't seen in nearly as bad a light.

If they just have it for nighttime,nothing should really happen. It's 24/7 when it starts to cause problems

I think it only affects speech and development if they are significantly older when they have them.

Thumb sucking is worse I believe.

Agree about the dummies. DP was dead against them because his mum was. We didn't try one until 5 weeks and by then it was too late. It would have been quite helpful to help settle her but we survived.

The Lullaby Trust has a great review of SIDS studies on their website. It makes really interesting reading.

I personally think the advice to wait 6 weeks to introduce a dummy or bottle if bfeeding is bollocks

By that time loads of babies end up refusing both.

DS had a dummy from 2 days old and a bottle of expressed milk or occasionally formula from 1 week. It never impacted breastfeeding at all.

Nipple confusion is the oft cited reason.

Yes sorry I should have clarified - if bfeeding is going well I see no reason to not have a dummy or bottle.

We wait a few weeks before giving a dummy so as to avoid bills confusion and so that I don't miss the cluster feeding that builds supply. However I am as rough as a bag of nails ( is that the saying?) and so it seems obvious that mine would have a dummy.

Again, nipple confusion needs actual study and peer reviewed research. Anecdotally, I could say that I've only seen it happen the other way ie- baby not taking a bottle or dummy because parent waited 6 weeks. It would be nice to know the facts about nipple confusion.

I agree about nipple confusion. Mine have never had it and I don't really know of it is a real thing. It makes sense to me to watch and learn my baby's cues and build up my supply without the interference of a dummy but I have no evidence to support my hunch

I just wish there was more hard evidence and fewer old wives tales.

Wowsers, this thread has taken off in all sorts of ways since I last checked it.
One theme that I find very interesting is that many women are very apologetic for any parenting decision they make if it's not perceived that the child was at the complete front and centre of that decision. Eg I had to stop breastfeeding because I tried absolutely everything or I had to sleep train because I was on my knees with PND. Obviously, all of us would throw ourselves under a bus for our children, but when did it become pervasive that we shouldn't make any day to day decisions for the good of ourselves too? I love my daughter fiercely, but I also want to look after myself and my husband. I'd like to think that she will be the same, when and if she becomes a mum.

I don't think it is justifying - certainly not in my case. I realised a long time ago that I am often going to fall short by others' standards so there is no point trying to justify myself. It is just giving a full picture.

Personally I shared my story as there was a poster who's opinion was that there is no reason not to exclusively bf, I wanted to give a different perspective & why I made the choices I did. It may not change their mind but it's good to have the full picture I think.

malcolm

I was just thinking about it & (at least in my case, not necessarily anyone else), you are somewhat right. I was justifying my decision in a way when I really shouldn't be. I find I do it irl as well sometimes - I think it's because I'm waiting for someone to judge me so I like to explain myself before they do. I didn't realise before but I think it's a part of me coming to terms with feeding not going as I always imagined.