Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

Whatever the % of women that can't breastfeed, there is also a small % of babies who can't - my ds amongst them.

I can't believe how irresponsible people would be to use unpasteurised milk. I didn't think you could even get it anymore. Unpasteurised milk is probably one of the most dangerous food stuffs out there.

To compare a live, biodynamic, species specific milk to a product made in a factory is ludicrous whether you like it or not.
I'm rather amused at you claiming that coming over to mn to discuss fb is a normal thing to do but yet I reply once and I need a hobby?
I would suggest you are less rude but that's your hobby and raison d'etre apparently

brickiemum2 no one is saying tha . Believe you me we all know breast is best. What we are saying is that shaming people for not breast feeding is wrong and in itself dangerous. People are already vulnerable. Why make things even worse for them?

Or would you rather argue with UNICEF?

Trumpybum I was addressing the specific comments in this thread saying there is no difference betwren them as products. Nothing about shaming. Not breastfeeding does have health consequences for infants and mothers.

I can guarantee that all the dramaz will be happening over on the FB group right now.

Erm no. My group has been one of the ones mentioned in passing but we're happily drama free thanks.

No one has said that breast milk is not better. So put your glasses in, get off your high horse and re-read.

What we are saying is that formula has been tailored to suit infants and is a perfectly fine substitute.

It is not an inferior product and no one should feel guilty for using it.

I desperately wanted to breast feed my babies. Dd was tongue tied and couldn't latch on. The NHS failed me here. I didn't know about MN and didn't know I could see someone private to get it snipped. She's 3 now and is still tongue tied. The doctors are happy with her and doesn't think it will cause long term problems.

Ds had a growing problem and he was induced to be born because he wasn't growing big enough. When he was born he was too weak to latch on. Even the midwife suggested I switch to formula for his benefit. He then developed CMPA and needed special milk.

For weeks I felt extremely depressed about not being able to breast feed. Still do sometimes.
If someone told me I didn't care about my children enough, that I gave up too easily and that formula milk was poison, I don't think I could have accepted it and would have sunk into a lower mental depression and seriously affected my mental health.

You found breast feeding easy. Well done. I'm glad you did. But until you are that person sobbing at 1am because your child won't stay latched, and they have been crying for hours because they are hungry, you don't understand how hard it is

MrsDeVere

gimletmedia.com/episode/2-attachment-parenting/

A new podcast: Science Vs Attachment Parenting. See if you can guess whether this stuff (avoiding prams, co sleeping, no sleep training and breastfeeding) is scientifically better for baby. (It looks specifically at whether these things lead to a better attached child, not at other general health benefits of eg breastfeeding).

My daughter failed to gain weight when breastfed, she lost weight. I felt half mad with stress over it. She gained weight when formula fed. I no longer felt half mad and could enjoy my new baby.

So really, truly don't care if someone for whom breastfeeding went swimmingly thinks I made an "inferior" choice. They're entitled to hold their incorrect opinion.

I found bf far from easy. I've had two with total tongue ties. I'm disabled and had to stop a lot of medications. I don't need a well done. I have been that mum sobbing at 1am with bleeding nipples hence why my "hobby" is breastfeeding peer support so that fewer women are failed.
I've not once frothed about how anyone chooses to feed. The facts show that 80% of women attempt breastfeeding but by 6 months only 1% are ebf. Those 79% need more support. I have no interest in the 20% who choose otherwise. But it's damaging to read some comments in particular that say there are no differences. In reality children in the developed world do sometimes die from formula. Sad but true. Support for breastfeeding mothers matters.

Support for breastfeeding mothers matters

No. Support for mothers matter.
Support for fathers matter

Whatever benefits the child is what is right.

If you struggled why are shouting down other mothers? You personally know how hard it is. You wanted to persevere and that's fine. Why can't you accept that sometimes persevering is not ok. And that formula is beneficial for some babies.

There definitely isn't enough information out there for formula feeding.

There are groups you can do to for breast feeding. You can see your health visitor and get advice. You an see a feeding consultant.

Formula feeding, you get told, read the instructions and follow it to the letter. If you try and discuss it with your HV, some refuse to discuss it saying they aren't allowed to. They are.

This means some parents try to do batch bulks and doing it wrong because there isn't enough information.

We'll have to agree to disagree then

Should anyone need signposted to decent, factual and supportive bf help then get in touch. Hopefully there are others reading this thread who would like to persevere.

Maybe you should create a group MrsDeVere

It would be a nice, factual group with no shaming if you was running it

Brickie I can't read your comparison but I've seem similar and they annoy me as they don't compare like with like; they break down breast milk into its constituent parts then under formula list thinks like 'cows milk' or 'olive oil' (don't think it was olive oil but can't remember which one). These could equally be broken down into constituent parts to make them look more complicated.

We all know that breast milk is better but we are very fortunate that these days babies don't need to die when their mums or they themselves can't feed but will instead do very very well on formula.

On the list of benefits by unicef that breast feeding improves intelligence: one study in Brazil showed this but no one else has been able to find a similar result. I also wonder what proportion of tummy upsets in ff babies in the U.K. are due to parents making up formula incorrectly because no health worker is (officially) able to give them advice.

I had one of those Health Visitors NN.

I made a formal complaint about her.

I was a formula fed baby, as are millions around the globe. I feel quite normal, PhD, good career, never had serious ill-health, you simply can't pick out who is formula fed and who isn't, much to the distress of people who have pegged their identities to a method of feeding!

Yeah I had one too. Only the one mind. The rest happily discussed it and gave excellent advice. I would refuse to the see the one who wouldn't.

As long as the baby is fed why does it matter? Formula has been created to feed such infants and we should get just as much advice on it.

It's a shame that with a PhD you still disagree with the nhs, WHO, UNICEF and numerous other bodies who used a case study of more than you. The plural of anecdote is not data.