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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: this bloody Facebook group?

549 replies

Rozdeek · 04/08/2016 16:07

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets Hmm. Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
MistressMerryWeather · 05/08/2016 23:00

Phil you can have whatever opinion you want, the problem is when people start using their ability to lactate as a reason to put other women down.

I have spoken to many of these people and there is definitely a certain "type". They use these groups/blogs/forums to fill their emotional holes and vent whatever inner anger they are struggling with on others.

If it wasn't breastfeeding it would be something else.

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 23:01

I didn't read it that way and some of my children were given formula at a very early stage.

planeymcplaneface · 05/08/2016 23:03

Apologies for the daily fsil link but this made me laugh www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3725576/Breastfeeding-mother-squirted-boob-woman-complained.html

planeymcplaneface · 05/08/2016 23:03

*fail ffs

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 23:05

Phil you can have whatever opinion you want, the problem is when people start using their ability to lactate as a reason to put other women down.

I hope I have never put another parent down over their choices with regards to feeding, sleeping and pushchairs. I do see people in this thread putting others down for their choices on both "sides"

PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 23:05

But spirit was not criticising mothers who tried to breastfeed

Well that's ok then as long as mum's who don't try are fair game Hmm

So you don't think saying mum's shouldn't have kids if they're gonna FF is dangerous and bullshit phil?

PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 23:06

I didn't read it that way and some of my children were given formula at a very early stage

Well then spirit doesn't think you're good enough to be a mother, I'm not sure why you're trying to make excuses for her vile post

Unthoughtknown · 05/08/2016 23:07

I think there's something so spectacularly naive about a person who thinks formula feeding even features on a list of 'ways to mess up your child'. I think a lot of the sanctimonious ap type posts are just dripping with middle class privilege.

On a personal level I'm one of parenting great fence sitters. I was fairly unsentimental about stopping breastfeeding at 5 months but was upset when dd went into her own room at 6 months with no fuss. Two months later and in the midst of a sleep regression and a bad cold and during the hottest week of the year it turns out that bed sharing with a sweaty, wriggly 20 lb dd is not quite the relaxing experience kellymom suggests.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 05/08/2016 23:10

BelfastSmile I think we may be on the same breastfeeding group! It was quite good when dc1 was born but lately it's full of people saying (I think) nauseatingly stupid things such as: 'keep on boobin mummas!' I mean WTAF? Hmm

I'm ruby boobies today Grin

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 23:10

So you don't think saying mum's shouldn't have kids if they're gonna FF is dangerous and bullshit phil-*

If she meant that it is clearly nonsense but not dangerous.

I think she was just very clumsily saying that she did not understand why people carry a child for 9 months with all those dreams that you have and then not attempt to breastfeed.

You see it all the time on MN " why have children if you ......

I don't think they are actually calling for a Nazi style eugenics programme. As far as I know I think I may be the only mother in my extended family to breastfeed - I don't think that the children should not exist.

IHateDoors · 05/08/2016 23:12

I'm also confused why you are trying to excuse the post.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 05/08/2016 23:13

Read the first 4 pages but thread has clearly moved on Blush

IHateDoors · 05/08/2016 23:13

How do carrying a foetus for 9 months and breastfeeding come together? Are the two mutually exclusive?

Unthoughtknown · 05/08/2016 23:13

Also the Can I breastfeed in it group does make me chuckle. I could shut that group down with a simple flowchart - does your top have buttons or enough slack to pull it under your boobs? Yes? Congrats you can breastfeed in it. I left the group after someone posted a blog so utterly twee it gave me rage. It was written from the PoV of a toddler, something like 'my name is Alfie and I'm a boobaholic'

IHateDoors · 05/08/2016 23:14

You're actually just agreeing but trying oh so cleverly to present yourself as measured and reasonable whilst doing so.

PinkyofPie · 05/08/2016 23:14

It is dangerous when you take into account the type of person who comes on MN. Perhaps something with PND or struggling to feed or fertility issues. She's not on her AP groups now, no ones gonna say "you're so right Hun". It wasn't clumsy it was fucking insensitive

MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 05/08/2016 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistressMerryWeather · 05/08/2016 23:17

Of course it's dangerous, it's not just the actual sentence it's the mentality.

There are women who will read these things who are desperately struggling, god forbid they ask any of these assholes for help.

I think it's wonderful that posters on MN react the way they do and call bullshit.

Wilberforce2 · 05/08/2016 23:20

I was kicked out of a gentle parenting FB group a few weeks ago and I have no idea why, I'm guessing the few comments I made on a few posts "didn't fit".

Some of the parents on there were bonkers, there was the diy toothpaste and a man who let his kid play near a cliff edge as he wanted him to " manage his own risks", WTF??!!

Someone was offended because her friend wiped her 15 month olds nose and didn't ask his permission Hmm

littleprincesssara · 05/08/2016 23:24

I nearly died as a result of breastfeeding - formula on medical advice literally saved my life.

I don't know how you can be pro-breastfeeding yet also anti-vaxx, unless out of some ignorant, misguided idea of being "natural." You want to give your baby the best start in life by giving them the best food, but are totally okay with not protecting them from deadly diseases?

Philoslothy · 05/08/2016 23:26

I don't agree if she meant that women should not have babies if they don't breastfeed, it is such a stupid thing to say that i didn't consider it dangerous or that she could have actually meant this.

If she said this on a thread where somebody was asking for support it would be cruel and I would call it as such but to be be fair this is a thread whose purpose seems to be to mock women like spirit. You are right to say that women who are struggling with PND and have problems breastfeeding could be very upset by this - I have been in that position. I do think though that with more support I could have breastfed all off my children for longer. I worry that by not wanting to say that "breast is best" out of a reasonable fear of offending or making vulnerable women feel worse that we do not acknowledge the importance of breastfeeding and therefore support is not made a priority.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 05/08/2016 23:27

On the breast vs formula.

Did you know there is a crazy and even more dangerous splinter group of crunchy mums who make homemade formula?

www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/video-homemade-milk-based-baby-formula/ Shock

This is probably the tamest of the recipes. I've seen some with liver blended in others much worse.

MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 05/08/2016 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuackDuckQuack · 05/08/2016 23:33

There are plenty of parenting decisions that I have to work at to understand. But not understanding surely should mean you try to imagine the experiences of other parents. Rather than just sounding off on the topic at every opportunity (not that you've done this Phil AFAIK, but others on MN do).

We probably all have parts of parenting that we place an emphasis on because we think they are important and they do differ. For example, I think it is important to read to your child every day from an early age and to listen to them read daily once they start to learn. Clearly this isn't something that every parent does. I can imagine that some might struggle to find the time, some might find that their DC are exhausted after school and reading is a battle, some might struggle with reading themselves. So unless someone really asks for direct advice on reading with children (I'm not an expert either), I wouldn't comment and would avoid judging them on it.

I also recognise that you are often choosing between differing priorities when parenting and how you prioritise varies between parents. So perhaps the time I spend reading with my DC means they don't get a bath every day. Others might choose differently. Parenting is about compromise.

MistressMerryWeather · 05/08/2016 23:34

Wtf...

Re: this bloody Facebook group?